Post # 1
So FI and I live with his mom right now.
He is working out of town right now. The other day, she came downstairs to our room. I asked what’s up? She burst into tears and told me that her oldest sister has cancer and isn’t seeking treatment. I comforted her as best I could, I lost my dad to cancer, so I know how it feels and that there isn’t much you can say.
Then she asked me not to tell FI.
REALLY!? You tell me something that directly affects the person I don’t keep any secrets from (aunt in question is his godmother) and then tell me not to tell him.
I understand why she asked me not to tell him, and I’m not going to, because it’s not my place. I’m just frustrated that she dropped this bomb on me and then asked me to keep it to myself.
Post # 2
Justbrynne: Good thing she didn’t tell me because I couldn’t keep that a secret. Unfair she did that to you.
Post # 3
I’m pretty sure I would have told her that I couldn’t do that. She should tell him. I’d give her some time, like a week, and then say if you haven’t told him yet, I’m going to. I’d be livid if my FI knew something like that and didn’t tell me.
Post # 4
Justbrynne: I would urge her to tell him herself. Thats such an awkward burden to bare. It is so nice that she felt comfortable enough not only to confide but to lean on you.
Post # 5
TeeBee25: this happened on Saturday, and I’ve been stewing since. FI comes home today, so I am going to give her a few days and then tell her that I’m not comfortable keeping it from him.
FSIL guessed it, because FMIL was pushing her really hard to go visit the aunt even though it would be really unusual for her to go over there. And I looked like a deer in the headlights so she knew she was right.
Post # 6
I m sure she had a reason, but I simply don’t see any upside of keeping that kind of secret. I would have told her that I was not going to keep that secret from him, and that she had two days to tell him after he got home, or I would.
Post # 7
Justbrynne: Oh wow, that does sound like a really awkward situation. I think I would ask her to tell your FI soon. I would not be able to keep it a secret and I think my FI would be upset if I hid something so important from him. Maybe if you explained it to her she will feel compelled to share the news.
Post # 8
SparkleBee11: I agree! Although we have the occasional bumpy patch, I’m super thankful to have a wonderful relationship with her! The secrets part just makes me uncomfortable.
Part of the problem too, is that I don’t think the aunt is really telling anyone. FMIL noticed the bruising from an IV and asked what was going on.
Post # 9
Justbrynne: yeah as you may know, a lot of people with cancer get treated differently when everyone finds out. Some people just cant handle being treated/thought of differently. 🙁 It is such a hard situation.
I would definitely clarify if the aunt is telling anyone. She may not because it is such a difficulty conversation to have, not because she doesnt want people to know.
Post # 10
julies1949: futuremrsdeemac: yeah, that seems to be the overwhelming consensus. I think I will tell her that the next time I get her alone.
Thanks so much ladies. Helped immensely.