Post # 1
Been a while bees! I had to get this off my chest and didn’t know where to turn!!! LOL…friends who I would normally vent to don’t really understand and it’s to late to call my mom 🙂
SO long story short, recently my 1 1/2 yr old son has taking to hitting us (me and DH) which we have been trying to get him out of for the past couple of months. I didn’t really know where it canme from since we don’t spank, hit, etc. for discipline. I just thought it was the start of the “terrible twos” and chalked it up to those issues. My MIL takes care of my son and tonight when I came to pick him up I see him hitting his Grandfather and EVERYONE is laughing…mind you i’m horrified and commence to disciplining him in the form of “no” and holding his hands. I let him go and he goes back to his grandfather only for his GRANDFATHER to start “play hitting” him back and again everyone thinks it’s SO funny…I try to tell them that this isn’t acceptable and to stop hitting him because he thinks everyone is playing with him and they blew me off with a “yeah okay” and placate me with the fake “no don’t do that again” to my son, but I know when i’m not around they will continue…there are other issues (like we are vegan and my MIL gave my son mac and cheese the other day) but I just feel like in general they don’t really care or pay attention to what me and DH says, especially in regards to discipline. I don’t know what to do and it’s frustrating to keep trying to “undo” what his grandparents are “teaching” him…what to do?
I’m so frustrated right now I could scream…I wanted to
Post # 3
Find alternate childcare.
Post # 4
If your in laws aren’t following through with rules you set for your son and encouraging him to fight they are acting like kids. They need to realise the consequences of their actions. If they continue to feed DS non-vegan food, and contine to allow (and therefore encourage the bad behaviour) then I don’t think the in laws should be around your son and certainly not look after him. Your son is 18 months old. What happens when he’s older? What will they teach him that is “ok” then? Nip it in the bud now I think.
Sorry you seem to be fighting a losing battle right now. Good luck.
Post # 5
Finding a sitter who is respectful of your choices is the only option.
Post # 6
@Jenniphyr: I was about to write something wrong, but THIS. lol! This hit the nail on the head. That’s about all you can do!
Post # 7
Yep, I’m with the PP’s. Find someone else to watch your son if you don’t agree with the what they’re doing.
Post # 8
Yup. If they won’t respect your wishes, you have to accept it (I wouldn’t) or find somewhere else for him to go. I would be more upset about them feeding him Mac if you’re vegan tbh. I’m kind of the opposite–paleo–but if it’s important to you, you don’t want them feeding him that.
Post # 9
I feel like this kind of thing is to be expected from grandparents. Especially the Mac & Cheese thing. I know when I was growing up, my grandparents let me get away with murder. They gave me anything I wanted, and disregarded many of my parents wishes when they weren’t around. These people fed me cake for breakfast when I stayed the night! It dosen’t make it right though. And to be quite honest, I would be pissed if I were the parent in such a situation. I would definitely find someone else to watch the kiddo, and maybe limit the amount of time he spends there without you or your DH.
Post # 10
Another thought is that kids are able to understand what is acceptable at grandpas is not acceptable at home and vice versa. Not sure if you are doing this but if you want him to be vegan I would hope you are providing the grandparents with the food you want him to eat otherwise I would say suck it up because most people are not vegan. If that doesn’t work then you need to find somebody else to watch him.
Post # 11
It is one thing when children visit Grandparents occaisionally, completely different when they are a regular caregiver.
Talk to them calmly with your DH at a time when there isn’t an issue. If they can’t follow your way of raising your child then you need to find different caregivers.
Post # 12
Um, and by “wrong” in my last post I meant “long”.. didn’t catch it til now. wtf.
Post # 13
Totally agree… Lighten up! That’s what Grandparents do… They let kids get away with murder. As long as there is no permanent damage Grandma & Grandpa’s house have diferrent rules. As he gets older, he’ll understand that. Besides, your in-laws did a good enough job of raising kids to get you to marry their son.
Post # 14
Yeah I know…We are actually currently in the process of finding alternate care i’ve just been waitlisted at the daycare’s we’ve looked at so we’re waiting. And my mom who’s a retired teacher/childcare provider actually asked us if we wanted her to come down to live with us for awhile so we’re considering that as well. @Blondmissmolly I WAS more upset at the mac and cheese, just wanted to throw that in there because after we had that long “talking to” it lead to this which made me think that they aren’t really listening to what we say (we’ve had this discipline talk before) And @genuine513 we DO provide vegan food for him, his grandmother just doesn’t always feed it to him, or she will feed him her food because she thinks it’s “better” (I won’t even go into the psychology behind her thoughts on her cooking and my cooking) but suffice to say they aren’t vegan but she eats a lot of vegan foods which I (DH more than I) let her get away with feeding him. It stopped (I hope) after the mac and cheese incident where we had to tell her don’t feed him anything but food we provide. I have contemplated taking him to work with me in the meantime, (mind you he’s only there for 4 hours, somedays even less so imagine if he was there all day) and i’m fortunate to have a job where it’s not entirely inappropriate to bring him to work, but I don’t know if I could handle the stress of trying to take care of him AND working at the same time EVERY DAY. I already work at home during the day, so to bring him with me would be a strain. But I don’t know…I might consider it…
Post # 15
@AuntPatchy: I completely disagree -when the kids just stay at the grandparent’s house every now and then, having special rules and being allowed to do mroe is fine and fun. But when the grandparent is the regular caretaker, they need to enforce the parents rules like any other babysitter would.
OP, this is pretty much the reason I won’t have the husband’s parents babysit when we have a child, his mom would want to watch him or her every day we work, and would refuse to follow our rules. Time for your husband to put his foot down and help you find alternate childcare, and explain why it’s necessary to his parents.
Post # 16
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