- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
Hi Bees! So I am now engaged (yay!) and we started thinking about wedding plans (ie. Guest list and budget). I am having some issues right now and already stressed out because of the guest list. I really want a mid-sized wedding (like around 60) because the idea of having more people than that makes me feel so anxious. I don’t want that many people looking at me. Not to mention that having just 60 people is more affordable (an additional 20 would add an additional 1000-2000$ for food, alone, which is additional money I do not want to necessarily spend). I would be happy with a luncheon with our closest family and friends.
Now here is the sticking point. My FI is adamant about having 80 people, despite my objections (I honestly feel like I am going to have a panic attack with that many people – and people that I would not even really or truly consider friends – they just happen to be in the same social circle). He wants to have the whole dinner thing, along with a DJ and the whole nine yards. I am fine with having a dance and dinner, but if we are having that many people then we would have to look at venues that would cost us less per plate. He doesn’t want to budge about venues. I showed him some more affordable options and he was not happy at all, yet he won’t give me a vision and just ended the conversation right there. He wants to invite absolutely everyone we know but we don’t see one-on-one or see that often. I would call it champagne tastes on a beer budget. His personality is the type to just get what he wants – he is kind of type A. While I am the type that hates conflicts, turtles and lets people get their ways if they press too much.
To make matters more complicated my family asked us at dinner the other night what we were planning on doing for the wedding. Then she got into this thing where she doesn’t understand why weddings are so big now, and that people used to have small weddings (like 12 people) and do a very small reception. Almost everyone, except me and my FI, voiced agreeance to her opinion. She went so far as to say this is what she would like us to do (she is also a Type A). My FI was so angered that he just ripped into it and told them that he has been to so many funerals in his life that he just wants a celebration and that’s what we are doing. When we got into the car he kind of ripped into me and said that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, and I had to explain to him that I want something more inbetween – I’m okay with having the big celebration but I want a smaller amount of people. I also said to him that there are going to be so many people that will be giving unsolicited advice along the way – from his mom to his sister to my family – and he needs to be able to control how he expresses his thoughts (saying something like “thank you, we haven’t decided anything yet but we will take it into consideration”). His response was that my mom is the worst at this and he had to make sure she knew to back off and it would not be all her way.
I am really terrified that there is going to be a lot of tension and some drama. I am also worried that I won’t be able to get any real input into the wedding and it’s going to turn into some giant event that I won’t enjoy.