(Closed) Venting. Some friends have too many opinions.

posted 5 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee

Except for the proposing without a ring part, I’m totally in almost the same boat! I’m the Ed student in my relationship, and it really is tough! I had to take four summer classes last summer and 2 more this summer to graduate on time. 

FH and I also live with our respective parents, and there’s no shame in that either! Apartments are expensive! 

Just remember that you guys are doing what’s best for you. No one else matters.

 

Post # 5
Member
4664 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

There is no one-size-fits-all life script, no matter how much some people want there to be. Different choices fit different lives.

People have said FH and I are immature and selfish because we don’t want to have kids, buy a house, or do anything resembling “settling down.” We’ve heard that we’re irresponsible because we took fun, exciting jobs teaching abroad instead of grinding away to try and climb a corporate ladder back in the US. 

Just like us… you’re doing what’s right for you. Some people’s opinions simply ought to be ignored.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m having the same problem except with a couple of family members. We have been together 5 years. I’m 23, he is 21. Everyone in my life is supportive except for my mom’s side of the family. I barely see them and they think they can try to control me. They don’t even know who we are really. They’ve met my fiance one time 3 years ago. They try to tell me that we are too young and we should wait until we’re older, etc. However, we both have very good jobs that pay well and we could live on our own if we wanted but we choose to live at home so we can save money for the wedding/honeymoon. The couple of times I do talk to them they are just very nosey, ( how much does he make, how much do you make, do you know how much it is to move out?, etc. etc.) No sh*t! We didn’t think even about that <–(sarcasm) I have to admit, they have calmed down a bit since they know we are getting married no matter what they say. We have learned to ignore it because we know we are ready. Thank you for creating a thread for me to vent on 🙂 Haha.

Like you guys said, we are doing what it right for US and we could not be happier.
We are planning to travel a lot as well before we have kids/house.

Post # 10
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Girasole:  I think your friends are just trying to give you some advice and five you let’s say “food for thought”? 

Maybe pointing out aspects of the relationship that when you’re in love are hard to notice.

be grateful that your friends care enough to give their opinion!

Post # 12
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Girasole:  I’m sorry your feeling this way… maybe meet up with your girls and ask them to express (once and for all) their concerns.  

After you discussed and addressed each of them then that’s that. Done.

They gave you advice and opinions and you listened and gave your point of view. 

If they still want to be in the wedding party then they should put their concernsaside and help you (unless something big comes up!).

How old are you?I hope you don’t mind my asking but I think at certain ages and stages in life wedding are just boring so maybe that’s why they have a hard time partecipating. Not an excuse but maybe an explanation.

Post # 14
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Girasole:  So cute! I think you really just need to talk it out. If everyone (except from your little sister) is having some kind of issues there is obviously somehing to talk about!

It’s just usually the best option… just get it all out there!

Post # 16
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Girasole:  Vent it out!  Nothing that you listed is a good reason to delay marriage.  Honestly, what does it mean to be “Financially ready” for marriage?  I think not buying an extravagent ring if you can’t afford it displays emotional maturity.  Also, taking time with education does indicate laziness, it could easily show a proper work life balance.  Any of these peices can be interpreted in a million different ways – any one who insists that there’s only one right way to do this is being silly!

Also, do people need to be rich to get married?  Is that a thing?  I understand waiting to build up some money before having kids, but marriage?  When it’s two people who can take care of themselves, marriage can end up saving money for both!  One rent instead of two!  Also, living together before getting married isn’t a given – some people don’t think its prudent to tie up finances with someone without a legal commitment, or who don’t think it’s prudent to tie up your life with someone without a fomral declaration of life long intent.

So yeah, pay them no mind.  You do you!

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