Post # 1
I am very stressed out and just need to vent.
Long story short;
My fiance and I both lost our jobs recently. He was wrongfully fired so he is recieving unemployement and I was a babysitter and the family moved so I have no income. I have been going insane searching for a job for me and him, all while im in school. We have been dating for 3.5 years and I have always had a job. He on the other hand has been on unemployement atleast 2 of those years on and off and can’t seem to keep a job or want too.
He doesn’t do anything and thinks that since he has some income that he can just sit around and collect money. We still live at my parents and we’re trying to save up to move out on our own and save up for our wedding thats next summer. He keeps telling me we will be fine, but we literally only have enough for our bills and nothing else. We have a couple hundred in the savings for an apartment and really don’t want to have to use that. I just wonder if things will ever change…
Post # 3
Well I am wondering how old you both are. I really think that you should re evaluate the situation. If he thinks it is ok to be unemployed, whether or not money is comming in, I question on whether he is marriage material. Obviously money should not be a priority in marriage, but motivation should be. I question whether or not he will remain the same years down the road, when there are children to worry about. Unemployment insurance only lasts so long, so what does he plan on doing next? Have you discussed that with him?
i hope you find job soon, and everything works our for you both.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2011 - Sweet ceremony by the sea and sunset celebration on the North Shore of Hawaii
i’m so sorry, c. if there’s a way you can explain to your FI that right now, collecting unemployment is just a means of surviving and you want the two of you to get to a place where you’re thriving, perhaps he’ll feel motivated. write a list of the things you want for the two of you – an apartment of your own, a lovely wedding, an even lovelier honeymoon, etc etc and place it somehwre the both of you can see it everyday. you can even include photos and the visuals might be what gets him off his bum and out there looking and trying.
Post # 5
We both just turned 22. He doesn’t have motivation. When he has a job, he is super hardworking and he does stuff around the house. Once he loses his job he does nothing but video games and chillen with friends. He told me yesterday that he has thought about breaking up with my before because he doesn’t know if he can give me what I want. I dont expect alot just someone who can get a job and keep it.
He does plan on going back to school when I am done and I get a good job. He also said he thinks things will be diff. when we have kids but I don’t wanna have a child and not have him be able to provide financial support.
Post # 6
@ostrich: Thanks, thats a good idea. I’ll give it a try!
Post # 7
I was at the gas station the other day and a homeless man approached me and asked if he could wash my windshield for me for a few bucks. I was in a hurry so I told him that I would give him some money but that I didn’t need my windows washed. And he said to me “no mam. a man who doesn’t work is a man who doesn’t eat. if you don’t want your windows washed then I can’t take your money” obviously I let him wash my windows and gave him some money.
So the moral of the story is that it’s super important to have a good work ethic and ambition in life to get anywhere. I believe that is one of the most important qualities in a spouse and unfortunately it either something that’s there or it isn’t.
Maybe your FI is in a slump. Help him identify why he feels so unmotivated and what would motivate him. However if this is just his MO, then I would be seriously concerned about tying myself to someone with that attitude because it’s not just about work and money. that attitude will permiate every part of your relationship.
Post # 8
@Cash000: That’s downright harsh and quite frankly irresponsible advice given only what we know in a post.
Losing a job can be depressing and sometimes people have different ways of coping. My fiance was in a slump because he was laid off in August last year a week after he had proposed … he finally found a job and started working this week. The first few months was difficult – it didn’t seem like he was looking at all – some people need a bit of time to recover from a blow like that and if he’s having a hard time holding down a job maybe as a partner you could help him figure out what kind employment suits him and stimulates him. Maybe revisiting education options will help. Sometimes people need a goal to strive for to get off their ass.
Post # 9
Ok after reading my advice, I agree it was harsh the way I worded it. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it in that way. I meant it as in the fiance in question has been unemployed for 2 years prior to this, and is again, without any care to improve the situation. I’m just comming from a place of, ” the best predictor for the future is past and present behavior”. If the behaviour has remained the same, and continues to, the future may also be the same.
I just thought it would be valuable for the OP to assess that.
As for the ages, I aske because sometimes younger people can not have future goals in mind as much as an older more mature person might. Obviously this doesn’t run true for everyone.
Post # 10
I have to agree that the fact that he doesn’t want to work, has been unemployed a lot, and keeps saying things will be different later is worrisome. Why does he have trouble staying motivated? I know it’s hard to find a job now but that doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to stay home and play video games. With his work ethic, I would really reconsider having him go to school after you get a good paying job, he might just sit around and mooch off your money instead of doing well at school, graduating and getting a good job.