Post # 1
My FI and I booked our venue early this year and we were so happy . The day we were signing the contract both familes were there because it was such a big thing. When the manager of the venue asked us the amount of people we were going to have, I said 120. but my FI mother said no there will be more. I thought she was going to bump it up to 130 but not to 250. I talked to her about such a high number and she assured us there were going to be a lot of ppl coming.She told us she would help pay for the extra people.
Okay fast foward a few weeks later. My FI let me know that his mother will pay for the extra people coming but she wants the movie back after the wedding is over. Like OMGoodness, I am so lost, I never wanted a wedding with all of these people and now we will have to pay for them in the long run. We are a young couple and it is hard enough to pay off student loans and bills. We are scrapping all of our money for this wedding and now we are paying for more people then we want. I am having the upmost trouble trying to get prices for flowers, photography and invations because prices have been so high and we are scarded to spend more on a wedding then we make in a year.
So this is were I need some advice. The wedding isnt for another 17 months. I have tried to talk to my FI and tell him I want to cancel the venue and just get married in city hall and have a dinner with about 40 family and friends. He told me that I am cheating myself. And yes I am just like every other woman I want the big wedding with the beautiful dress but let me be real. I do not want to go into debt for a one day event. He does not want to cancel the venue. Oh and I forgot to mentionmy FI will be losing his job in a month or so because the company he works at will be closing their doors. I am so stressed.
I have spoken to my family and they told me that I should do what I think is right. But of course there is the venue, we have already left a deposit of $6,000 towards the event. Do you think if we speack to the manager they would give it back or at least half. The contract states if we cancel he can ask for half of the grand total of the venue, which would be about $15,000. I am so lost on what to do. I want to cancel the venue and do something small. Please ladies I need some advice. My mind is going crazy.
Post # 2
amy.millerful: Wouldn’t a better plan be to get your FI to tell his mother that she has x amount of invites and that is it? That way you don’t have to give up your dream of a wedding but you are still having the wedding you can afford by keeping it at the original 120 guests.
Post # 3
Wow what a shitty thing for you FMIL to do. I’d call the venue to see what your options are. Let them know you are having considerably less people (because your FMIL CANNOT invite all those people now, be firm on that) and since you are still 17 months out they should be able to make changes.
If they aren’t willing to budge on the price, try to get as much back as you can from your venue and cancel. That’s what I would do anyway.
Make sure you and your FI only invite the people you want there and have the wedding YOU want. Don’t let anyone else sway you even if they offer to pay.
ETA: From your OP I was under the impression that your venue cost more (and you put down a bigger deposit) because your MIL said there would be way more people and therefore the venue is now charging more.
If that is NOT the case and it is just that your FMIL insisted on inviting 100+ more people and will now not be paying for them then tell her they will not be invited.
Post # 4
amy.millerful: Why are you letting your FMIL push you around? Money talks. If you are paying for the event you maintian full conrol. She may give input to the guest list, but you and your DH make the final decision. Period.
Seems like and easy fix to me. Cut all the extra people she wants to invite.
Post # 5
I agree with j_jaye, the issue here isn’t the venue but that your FMIL thinks it’s appropriate to invite an extra 130 people on what will ultimately amount to your dime. Talk to her about it and try to get her to compromise before nixing the venue and your hefty deposit.
Post # 6
Umm no. Tell MIL she gets X amount of people, and that’s it. You shouldn’t be giving up your venue and what YOU want for your wedding because your MIL is inviting over 120 extras people. That’s ridiculous.
What in the heck does your FI think of all this?!!
Post # 7
j_jaye: playdohpants: cbgg: MrsRevolutionize: megz06:
Thanks ladies, My FI doesnt want me to give up the venue . he think we should just go ahead with the plans as they are. He really does not have any idea how much the wedding cost. I feel like he thinks his mom will cover everything. She has told us to just tell her how much we need and she will pay for it but what ever we make after the wedding needs to go back to her and my FI is okay with this. Myself and my mother are not. I have voiced how I am not happy inviting people I do not know to my wedding and paying for them. I do not know if the venue will allow us to go from 230 ppl to 120 ppl. I am so stressed !!! AHHHH
Post # 8
amy.millerful: No harm in asking them. Also have a look at what your contract says. You may be stuck if it is written in there somewhere.
Maybe gather some quotes for things and set up a budget and then show it to your FI so he can see that weddings really do cost a lot. I would also bring up the scenario of what if no gives you cash as a gift? Will FMIL still expect to be paid back? And definately express how starting married life with debt for a party is not a great idea.
Post # 9
amy.millerful: You and your FI clearly need to get on the same page. It’s totally uncool that your FI’s mom is demanding to add guests to the guest list that you are expected to pay for (either now or later, doesn’t matter).
The answer to this is very simple. Enforcing it, of course, will be uncomfortable, but is necessary.
Post # 10
Just an update for anyone that was interested, after much consideration my FI and I canceled our wedding venue. We were stressing out and spoke to my FML and we all agreed it was for the best to cancel the venue and not have the extra people we do not know at our wedding. My FI and are are just going to keep it small and my FML will be planning a banquet dinner for us and her enoumaus amount of friends and family and will be paying for it out of her own pocket. I was a bit sad to know that we no longer were going to get married at the beautiful venue but all will work out in the end. I was stressing that the venue was not going to give us our deposit ($6000) back but they were kind and did. This is such a big help to have our money back with my FI job closing down. Thank you bees for your kind words and thoughts but now its back to the drawing board.
Post # 11
amy.millerful: Venue help? I know of a place where you can have your wedding for up to 100 people for less than 1K for the space. Feel free to Private Message me with more/for more information.