- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015 - Aloft Hotel
I’ll try to keep this short. I’ve been engaged for 8 months now, have looked at about 25 different wedding venues in 3 different states, and have made 0 commitments to a single one. It feels like I change my mind every 10 minutes about what I actually want for the wedding, putting a major halt to getting anything done and driving my FI/our families insane.
The original idea: We were going to have a traditional wedding in Iowa where a lot of family and friends are from. Nice venue, nice catering and photographer, just like any other wedding. But I was miserable planning this wedding and none of it felt like us. Then we got to thinking about what it is we truly want and decided to try a more offbeat idea.
The second idea: We wanted to rent out a luxury cabin for the weekend and replace traditional wedding staples (dancing, toasts, garter toss) with telling stories, making smores, and playing board games. It had more of an upscale family reunion feel, and at the time it seemed perfect for us. The problem was, however, that we couldn’t find anything nice/secluded enough in Iowa. So we started to look at places in Tulsa, which is much easier for us to get to from where we live now. We didn’t have much luck although we did fall absolutely head over heels in love with an Inn, but after the initial butterflies wore off we were left with a price tag that was just considerably out of budget. No matter how we worked the numbers we just didn’t feel comfortable paying 3 times the cost of our original venue for this place that didn’t even include tables and chairs. Defeated and ready to move on, we moved the wedding back to Iowa at the location we had originally liked for the traditional wedding. The more I plan, however, the more stressed out and miserable I feel all over again because this is just not the wedding I want. After confronting a very frustrated fiance, I told him I wanted to go back to the drawing board.
The third idea: What we both decided is that the most important thing (besides getting married of course) is having loved ones there and keeping the budget at a number that we’re comfortable. We just have other things we want to do with our money right now and whenever a big budget item comes up we get cold feet. I suggested we just have the wedding in his parents’ backyard. Though its small and we would have to get creative to host 85-100 people, it would feel like home, and it definitely allows us to have a lot of the things that we want without breaking the bank. Being back in his home town our guest list would increase considerably by about 100 people (!!) so I suggested having a simple cake and punch reception for the community and then having the smaller reception for closer family and friends at his parents’ place the next day, where we could implement a lot of the family reunion type ideas we had before. We went to bed so excited. But then I started digging into the reality of the situation this afternoon.
The problem: Iowa offers very very little for picky brides. FI’s hometown is just like many other small towns in Iowa, not much to do, especially nothing nice. We wanted to put the bridal party up in a nice estate or lodge and have the rehearsal dinner there. We also wanted some place really luxurious and unique to stay while we were in town. These were things we were happy to splurge on, especially if we were going to cut the budget everywhere else. Even willing to spend the money, however, there’s just nothing I see that gets me excited. I feel like if we have the wedding in his home town there will be nothing truly nice and out of the ordinary about it. While I’m so excited about the idea of having the wedding at home in a place thats meaningful to us, I also want it to feel special and just a tad nicer than usual.
A solution?: The only thing that my FI and I have been truly in love with is the Inn we found in Tulsa. We could attempt to hold the wedding there and severely slash the budget (no big cake, no dj, little decor). I’m just afraid that I’ll be afraid to commit again and change my mind next week because of the price. Or should we just have to accept going over budget for the wedding of our dreams? I’m also a little scared of his reaction to my changing my mind again haha… Otherwise we can just keep our cheap-o wedding in Iowa and make the best of what we’ve got, perhaps splurging in some areas to compensate.
Please help! I feel like I need a major pep talk or a sign from the gods or something. What should I do? Advice from picky brides/brides who had to compromise, any words of encouragement would be appreciated.