Venue TOO fancy?

posted 3 years ago in Reception
  • poll: Is it possible to make a guest feel uncomfortable at a fancy wedding venue?
    Absolutely: I would feel completely out of place. : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Absolutely NOT: A fancy party sounds like fun once in a while : (32 votes)
    76 %
    I would be excited to go, but I would feel upset if I can't afford to or had nothing to wear. : (6 votes)
    14 %
    It depends: (Please comment).r : (2 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    8025 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    well 190 a night isnt bad at all, especially if you negotiate it down for a block of rooms. You could also recommened the cheaper hotel.  Re parking you could warn people on your website and recommend a free/cheap alternative.

    but I would assume this would be a semi formal/black tie optional kind of event? i think you just need to get your man on board with that, because I’m certainly not going to say you should switch to a rustic barn country wedding just to please the rustic guests! Just be clear about attire and formality from the get go so no one shows up underdressed and feels embarrassed. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    2264 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Jessybel:  This venue looks similar to mine! (I too am a sucker for crown modling.) 

    Here’s the thing: I don’t think a venue can ever be too fancy, as long as you are hosting your guests properly. What do I mean by this? Don’t blow your budget on a venue but skimp on things that make people comfortable (like good food, drinks, chairs for every butt, and some good dance tunes!) No matter how formal the venue is, if you host your guests properly, they should be comfortable. 

    We are essentially throwing a black tie wedding (as in, we meet the requirements) but we are not putting black tie on the invitations because we have many friends in grad school and don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. We don’t want anyone worrying about buying a tux or long gown if they don’t have it. We simply want to host them well and give them a night to remember. I think you could do the same. 

    Where I think you have to be careful is with the valet parking. We are covering valet parking for our guests because parking can be tough to find in a city, and no one wants to walk 5-10 blocks in heels. I think the venue is fine and the hotel is even fine (price wise, especially if you can get a block and offer an alternative block at a more affordable hotel) but I don’t think you should have your guests pay $40 to valet park. They shouldn’t have to open their wallets for anything during the actual event. I think you either need to find a way to get a discount and pay for it or come up with an alternative solution for parking. 

    Good luck, it’s a gorgeous venue!

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  crackktheskyy.
    Post # 4
    Member
    3016 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

    I think if you give guests information in advance, they can figure out if they want to spend the money on a room there or opt for something else. And if they check out the pictures beforehand, they will plan their attire accordingly.

    Go for it! I’d definitely come to your wedding and I’m a cheapskate! 

    Post # 5
    Member
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I never understood why people don’t feel comfortable in certain venues. I see it a lot on Four Weddings (I’m referring to the British version). there have been so many contestants saying ‘it’s too posh and formal, I feel out of place’. Personally I love going to plush venues and being spoilt! It must be an insecurity thing for those who feel put of place. 

    You should have the wedding that you want 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1310 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

    Jessybel:  $190/night isn’t bad at all. And you should book the venue that YOU love, where you picture yourself getting married and remembering years later. My venue is a chateau estate and the ballroom is a giant octagon with a beautiful skylight. There’s an indoor garden with orange trees, marble fountains, and a fancy Moroccan style pool. I love it!

    P.S. – I agree with the PP who said don’t make your guests pay for the valet. My venue comes with valet parking and guests will not be paying anything, even tip.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3735 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Jessybel:  I would love to be invited to a fancy schmancy wedding! I think you are both right to give other lodging options though. Some will want to stay and pay and others will look for something more affordable. However, I love a nice, fancy, lets-get-dressed-up kind of party so I would not feel out of sorts at all.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Living a simple life doesn’t mean that you’re some slack-jawed yokel whose eyes pop out at the sight of crown moulding, and this is a hotel ballroom, not a chateau in France (meaning: your FI should give his guests some credit and not underestimate them).  I would make sure parking is free and that your invitations clearly communicate the level of formality (either by having super fancy invitations or directly in words).  As long as your family doesn’t show up in tuxedos and ball gowns, his family will look fine wearing shirts & ties/20$ dresses from Target.   

    Post # 9
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee

    I have the same issue with my FI, who intially wanted “something in the backyard”. You might have to compromise, because you don’t want your FI or any of his guests to be uncomfortable on your wedding day; it’ll definitely show in the pictures! And the wedding venue does set the tone for the dress code, people would feel out of place in casual clothing at a setting like that. Perhaps tone down the “fancy” a little and opt for something with simpler (yet still elegant) decorations and furnishings?

    Post # 10
    Member
    2261 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I’m kind of on the same boat as you, but opposite. My FI doesn’t understand the concept of toning things down. My venue is so extravagant, I actually feel my dress is not up to par…. and my family is so not fancy, I actually have to add a little note to their invitations stating that it is a formal event so glam it up big time. 

    But I will tell you this, my side of the family is so excited to go to such an event. They don’t care they have to buy a dress, or a nice tie, they have never been to an event like this so they are looking forward to it. I think your people would feel the same way.

    You shouldn’t make decisions on your wedding based on what may or may not make them feel comfortable. You only get married once so do it where you want, and however you want it 🙂

    Post # 11
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee

    I’m from the NY area, so $190/night sounds great 🙂 

    If you can afford it, I say go for the venue that makes your heart beat faster. You and your fiance will set the tone for the event, and as long as you two are comfortable and happy, your families and friends will have a wonderful time. 

    Good luck!

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    8680 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I think it’s a very beautiful venue. My only problem would be about setting the bar too high – having a super fancy/expensive venue tends to make people wonder how much you spent on things – if you skimp on anything or if guests are uncomfortable [not enough food, lines too long for drinks, ect] they will begin wondering [and maybe even talking] about why you would spend so much on a fancy venue, but not enough on food/drinks.

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