Post # 1
My fiancé just came into some money…. A lot of money and it has been such a blessing since the wedding is in two weeks. Well now all of his groomsmen (except one) expect him to pay for their tux, hotel, and plane tickets because they found out about the money fiancé got. They are literally guilt tripping my fiancé into paying for these items, saying he has a better job than they do and they can’t afford it (although we have been engaged close to 20 months so they knew these costs were coming up). I am seeing right through this and am cautioning my fiancé NOT to buy them anything but I am sure that is making me look like the classical bitchy bride as 2 of the 3 guys are his family members.
Just venting…. I am sure my fiancé will not end up paying for these items. I just hate feeling like his family is taking advantage.
Post # 3
@armychica06: Sucks they found out about it.
IMO your fiance needs to agree with you what to do with the money. You’re getting married. It’s just as much your money as his.
They’re really being quite classless.. he needs to be firm and tell them to stop trying to weasel money out of him. Totally inappropriate!
Maybe your FI can tell them it’s going to the down payment on a house or another specific thing you’re planning on buying/doing?
Post # 4
Nope, there is no way I would let them guilt trip me into doing that (if I were him.) They knew the terms when they agreed to be groomsmen! They should not have agreed to be in the wedding if they could not pay their way. That’s quite shitty of them. Also, if you paid for them, what about the ladies?! It would be terribly rude to only pay for the groomsmen and not help out the bridesmaids!! Then if you helped everybody, just imagine the cost! You two are getting married and his finances will soon be your finances so, in fact, you are just choosing to spend you and your (future) husbands money wisely. By doing you are looking out for the good of your family. You are already spending tons of money on the wedding, you don’t need those extra burdens. In the future, this money will really be helpful if it’s spent and saved correctly!
I dont want to sound b*tchy so I’m sorry if I came across that way. If he doesnt pay their way, make sure he doesnt forget to get them a gift for being there by his side. They are probably asking since they are really having trouble affording it. If he feels obligated to help them, it also isnt all or nothing. He can help them with a portion of something. Maybe if he paid for one hotel room, they could all sleep in the same room. Idk. If he doesnt help them at all, make sure he lets them know as politely as possible.
Post # 5
I knew I wasn’t being irrational.
My fiancé came home last night and told me that he told them he was unable to pay $400 a piece for their tickets. He would still pay for the tux rentals (as that would be their “gifts”) and for a hotel for them to share, but nothing else. They said they understood and will not be attending… Like that we are now less two groomsmen, one of which who already got fitted.
Post # 6
@armychica06: It’ll be ok. The wedding will go on, and it won’t even matter in the end. His offer was definitely very generous, so you guys have nothing to feel bad about.
Post # 7
@armychica06: Wow. So they dropped out? And if he hadn’t come into that money?
So sorry you’re going through that. I wouldn’t worry about the shortage of groomsmen. Seems to me they are kind of just “props” anyway. Don’t let it stress you out.
I would be VERY bothered that my friends let something like money come between us though. (I’m assuming that he didn’t come into $1M+ dollars, because if it was that kind of money, $800 is nothing, and I would have probably offered to pay their way). They don’t sound like people I or my FI would want standing next to us on the most important day of my life. You’re better off without them. He can sort the friendship out later, if he chooses.
Post # 8
@SeaSalt: sadly, these are his family members, especially an uncle he wanted present.
Post # 9
@inky_1: it will… I am hoping we can replace at least one of the groomsmen though so our sides don’t look too off.
Post # 10
@armychica06: Can he call him up and have a heart to heart with him and explain his presence means a lot to him, and he’s rather hurt that he was prepared to spend the money before, but not now? Or perhaps his father or mother (whoever’s brother it is) can call and discuss.
What did his parents have to say about what’s happened?
Post # 11
OMG that is CRAZY!!! You guys are getting married and your groomsmen are asking for a handout.
Did they ask your FI to pay for the tux before they came into the money, did they ever say at any point “hey, I don’t think that I will be able to come to your wedding because money is tight,” or “I really don’t think that I can cover the cost of my hotel room dude can you think you could help me out,” before your FI got money. NO! Then they shouldn’t be doing it now!
It is one thing if your FI just offered to pay for it, but they are expecting him to pay almost $1000 per groomsman just because he got money. When you agree to be a groomsmen you agree to the cost, plain and simple. I say stick to your guns and don’t let them pressure you!
Post # 12
Wow that is so shadey. How dare they have their hands in your FHs pockets like that. Beyond rude, I wouldn’t give in either.
Post # 13
This is insane! Your FI is being beyond generous. He doesn’t have to pay for sh1t!
Post # 14
@armychica06: that’s awful. i can’t believe these guys would be that petty. regardless, you will have a wonderful wedding.
Post # 15
since they are acting this way and they are family, it kind of sounds like they are resentful of the money, maybe they are jealous…
Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
WOW. Money makes family do some crazy things :/ I am so sorry you and your FI are going through this. How hurtful of his family!!!! If your wedding is in 2 weeks and they had not said anything about being too short to attend before this, then they are simply mad that your FI won’t give them HIS money. How screwed up is that?? People should NEVER EVER *EXPECT* someone to give them their money just because they *possibly* could. RUDE! I’m angry for you 🙁 Again, I’m so sorry.