Post # 1
My wedding is in 2 1/2 weeks. I live in Europe now and my family is traveling here to be with us for our wedding. My brother, who is the best man, has been battling cancer for the past year. Yesterday we received devastating news that all the cancer is back and in the Dr.’s words “massive amounts”. The Dr.’s said that there is nothing left to do except to try to make him comfortable with Oxycotons. I am beyond devastated. He has a very short life expectancy….maybe 2-3 months at best. My brother is completely dedicated to being here for the wedding and told me that it will probably be the last time the family is ever all together. Heart breaking. The day after the wedding I am supposed to go on a 3 week honeymoon to Thailand. I am at a complete loss for what to do. The wedding will go on as well as he is still able to come. How am I supposed to enjoy my wedding knowing that I will probably never see my brother again? How do I stand next to him arnd not break down at his every touching word? He say’s that I should still go on my honeymoon. How do I board a plane and travel to the complete opposite side of the world and try to enjoy what should be the happiest time of my life when my brother may die at any moment? I am still in shock, numb, devastated and completely confused. It should go without saying, but first and foremost I am devastated about the imminent lose of my brother and I apologize for my selfish tone about my wedding. My wonderful Fiancee’ is completely supportive of any decisions we may need to make.
Post # 3
All I can say is I am so sorry, that is an awful situation
Post # 4
What an awful situation to be in. It must be heartbreaking to have your brother suffering this way, and so hard on you and your fiance that it’s happening at what should be such a happy time in your lives. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you must be going through.
Ultimately, only you can know what to do with regards to the honeymoon – personally, I think you would be better off spending as much time as possible with your brother. The last thing you want is to be regretting your decision and everything you couldn’t say to him. You can always go on another honeymoon – loads of couples put the honeymoon off for a year or two because of family issues, financial problems, etc.
Post # 5
I hope what I am about to say doesn’t come accross as insensitive. That’s not my intention.
I am so sorry you had such awful news. I can only imagine how you feel.
I think you should go on with the wedding as planned, and go on your honeymoon as planned. I’m sure you’re brother wouldn’t want you to put the happiest day of your life on hold, regardless of his condition. (I know you said the wedding was on, but I’m including the honeymoon in that statement)
I know that the thoughts that this may be your last time together will remain constant, but you will have a great time. You’ll be glad your brother is there to speak and to stand beside you and your Fiance. And you’ll treasure those memories for a life time.
Go on your honeymoon, and enjoy it. He might still have another month or two left in him after the wedding. And if, god forbid, something happened whilst you were away – well we live in a small world and it will only be a plane ride away to be with him and your family.
Nothing you wrote is selfish. My thoughts are with you, whatever you decide.
Post # 6
I am so sorry, my thoughts are with you 🙁
Post # 7
I am so sorry to read your news. That is really devastating.
Here is what I personally found to be important regarding my honeymoon:
I love to travel. My first choice was a tiny wedding and a blowout honeymoon. (Specifically, I wanted to go on safari, but that’s just a detail.) But, my husband wanted a bigger wedding. We didn’t really have the bandwidth to handle both at the same time. It was too much time off work, too much money to spend all at once, and we didn’t have time to plan both because we were only engaged for seven months.
So, we planned a 5-day “mini-moon” immediately after our wedding. We drove five hours to Maine and stayed at a beautiful island inn. And then a few months after our wedding we started planning our safari. We’re actually leaving next week, on our 11-month-iversary!
I am actually glad we did it this way because we were able to spend time decompressing after our wedding and letting it sink in that we we’re actually married. I think it’s important to have some time to focus on each other that way. For us, it was a really special time in our relationship and I’m glad we got to bask in the glow together. I also think it would have been a little much to hop on a 15-hr flight and go on safari. I was already pretty worn out from the wedding. (Our wedding was especially stressful because we almost had to cancel the week before due to a severe hurricane.)
I don’t think you need 3 weeks and a glamorous trip immediately following your wedding. But I do think you should give your fiancée a few days of undivided attention right after your wedding. Is it possible to postpone your big trip to Thailand until next spring but still find a way to take some time locally to enjoy your new marriage before coming back to focus on your brother?
Congratulations on your marriage, and again I am really sorry about your brother’s news.
Post # 8
@ladyartichoke: I agree with you.
I understand you are hurting but what you need to focus on now is your brother and his wishes. Let him have the chance to make some lasting memories with you and for him to know that you are living life to the fullest. After all this situation highlights that life is short.
Don’t make your brothers last months full of guilt and regret for you which cancelling your wedding and honeymoon will do to him.
Live in the now because death comes for all of us and we never know when!
Post # 9
Oh gosh I am so sorry. My advise is to try and enjoy every moment you have with him. Can you enjoy your honeymoon after saying goodbye to your brother. If not I would say postpone the honeymoon until a later date and spend the time with your new husband and brother. I think if you go anyway you could live with guilt and regret and in the end wouldn’t be able to enjoy it. I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through.
Post # 10
I have a lot of sympathy because I am in a somewhat similar situation. Allow me to explain. I work abroad, and am due to relocate back to the UK in September. I recently had a holiday back to the UK for a family wedding. When I got back, then I found my house empty and a note attached to the door telling me to call a number urgently. I called, and found that my grandmother had had a fall and was bleeding from her brain. I am not close to my mother, and I lived with my grandmother for a long time during my childhood. She is one of my favorite people in the world. I was told that she was dying, and would probably die in the next few days.
I drove up to see my grandmother, and spent time with her over the next two weeks. I then had to decide whether I should change my return ticket or not. I had to basically accept that this would probably be the last time that I would see her alive. It’s a difficult decision. The reason I ultimately decided to go back and finish my work was that this kind of death is not predictable… sure, I could have postponed my trip for a week, or two weeks, and she could have still died the day I returned to work. Equally, I could finish my work here, return, and she could still be in a coma. There’s just no way of knowing.
Equally, you could delay your honeymoon for weeks and weeks, finally go, and your brother could die on the day you set off. You just can’t predict it. You can’t prevent the people you love from dying… all you can do is to keep on living yourself. With that in mind, I would take your honeymoon and try to spend time with your brother before the wedding and after the honeymoon. I know it’s hard, but equally then anyone could get hit by a bus and die tomorrow. You never know when you’re going to go. All you can do is to do the best you can, day by day.
Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk more about it.
Post # 11
I am so sorry you are faced with this heartbreaking news. I think ElbieKay has the most practical suggestion – do a minimoon and go on your honeymoon later – even as as anniversary trip. I understand the sentiment of “go now and enjoy it” but IMO you would likely not have the amazing and wonderful time you and your Darling Husband deserve. Have the wedding, take a few days, then concentrate on family for now. When you are emotionally ready, have that spectacular trip.
Post # 12
I think you should postpone the honeymoon. Instead, maybe travel with your brother (if he is able to) so he can spend his last days doing things that he has always wanted.