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That is frustrating. Good thing is that it's a year away so maybe by then something will bonk them on the head and they will realize they need to come. Once your anger/frustration settles maybe you can have a heart to heart with them and explain how important it is for your to have their support and to have them there. Good luck.
Hang in there, and keep including them in the planning. You can indirectly put pressure on them by talking to them about your page boy and flower girl. Talk about at least getting the children to the wedding. They really have no excuse to say no to that. Other than that, your FI has to step up and insist they come. The wedding is important to no one as much as you and your FI. If it's not important enough for him, then it won't be for his brother either.
Aww, I'm sorry. That's tough. maybe they are overwhelmed at the whole moving to France thing. And nonce they get settled, they can think about future plans to come home. While they might rather come home for Christmas or something, it sounds like your wedding will be right close to Thanksgiving.
I would try to have Fi let his brother know how much it would mean to him to have them there. Remind him of the kids beingin the wedding. (And maybe even the part where the little boy asked, and was excited. "And remember how disappointed he was not being in the other wedding?" to add some guilt.) Try to build up the wedding and Thanksgiving, so that they would be willling to make an exception this year. What if you made them a BM and GM? Other than that, what can you do?
You'd like to think for siblings, one would try to move mountains to get there. But France is far away. It doesn't seem like they have the weakest excuse.
I wish I could use the Thanksgiving thing but I am from Australia so we don't celebrate it. You have some great points though and I will def try them out.
The Other thing that is annoying is that I specifically made our wedding for the last weekened in November so that if they wanted to they could stay until christmas.
It IS frustrating, but at the same time, I can tell you - as someone who lives abroad - there are definitely reasons why it might not be as simple for them as it seems.
Especially as a family moving abroad, many times children have trouble adjusting culturally (so do a lot of adults, but it's worse for kids), so trekking back and forth repeatedly makes that adjustment significantly more difficult. Most experts recommend staying in your 'host' country for 2 years without returning to your home country to actually overcome culture shock/stress. Each time you go 'home' it only serves to add to your stress levels. Again, this is even more pronounced for kids.
Secondly, their lives will be totally different living in France than they are now, living in Australia. Many of the differences are going to be things that they cannot, at this time, anticipate properly. So it's actually very wise for them not to commit to anything as major as returning to Australia for a wedding. I don't doubt that they WANT to be there, but there are any number of unknown circumstances that could prevent them - if they recognize that, it's wise of them to be realistic.
It sounds to me like they want to be there, but don't want you to be disappointed if they are, ultimately, unable. It's actually somewhat considerate of them: wouldn't you rather be pleasantly surprised at the end than disappointed and angry if they promised to come and then couldn't?
I guess so, good point I'll look at it like that
thanks
It's impossible to know all of the reasons why they might have trouble making it to your wedding. And a year is a long time away - it sounds like they would like to come.
Also another factor is that the kids are in school. You said that you made your date after Thanksgiving so they could possibly stay until Christmas. In my schooling, we got a week for Thanksgiving and 2 weeks for Christmas which would mean that these kids would miss almost a month of school. Also they probably will not have time off for Thanksgiving as they are in France so that could possibly mean more school being missed. I know that unless you were ill that missing that much school was reason enough for the school to make you repeat the year even for elementary children.
Also you have no control over when other people take their vacation and what their work schedule will be at that time.
I would cut them some slack.
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My fiance's Brother has just received a posting as a diplomat in France for 3 years. Which means that they will be in France at the time of our Wedding. They havn't said no to coming per say, but they have definately eluded that it is unlikely. Not only is it dissap that they may miss it but I had intended to have their 10 year old daughter who I am very close to as a flower girl, and their son as the page boy.The reason I am upset is that as far as I can see there is no good reason for them not to come. for the following reasons
- They will be able to afford it: Diplomats earn huge amounts, all their expenses are paid for accom, tuition, car etc, They get one free visit home each year (they leave this Nov and Our Wed is next Nov)
-Fi's Other Brother got married in New Zealand last Dec and Everyone forked out money to go.
Brother 1's daughter was a flower girl in Brother 2's wedding but the son was not included He was very upset by that. first thing this 8 year old said to Fi and I when he found out we were eng was can I please be in your wedding and of course we said yes
-Also as I dont have any family it is really important that my fi's fam make the effort to come
The only thing I can think that may be why they dont intend to come is that Brother 1's wife may want to come home at another time for a different reason.
It just seems so unfair, Fi is obv dissapointed but wont say anything.