- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
The anniversary of my FI mothers death is this month. Its not so much that she passed because no one can stay forever. More how and when it happened that traumatic for all of us.
My FI birthday is tomorrow. And this time last year I was planning his surprise birthday party. Of course I didn’t have it on his birthday or even the weekend after but 2 weeks later to throw him off. The weekend after his birthday we went to my home town in Nebraska to visit my family. Everything was going good, everyone was happy. We came home and life went back to normal.
The day of his surprise birthday (April 21st) I was already really stressed because his cousin was supposed to come get him and they were going to do boy things all day while I got ready for the party. His cousin chronically late didn’t show up until 2 hours AFTER he promised to be there. Then they sat around talking to the neighbor etc. I was about to blow a gasket. The garage (where the party was supposed to be held) was a MESS because I couldn’t explain to my FI why I wanted it to be cleaned perfectly without giving away my plan. So finally they leave and I went into frenzy mode cleaning the house and garage, buying the decor, picking up the cake etc.
Anyway fast forward, guests arrive and we surprise my FI. Everyone is having fun and I went inside because my neice asked for a jacket. As I’m in the house my FI cousin runs in panicked and says FI mom is having a seizure. My friend who is also a nurse and I run outside and see FI mom being lowered to the floor unconscious, my friend and I immediately start CPR while someone called 911. This all happened within a half hour after my FI showed up, so not very far into the party. Ambulance came (which seemed to take forever), his mom seemed to start to come around but later we were told she was having some post mortum twitches or something like that. Their body can still try to function even though they are gone. So anyway we all went to the hospital, called family that didn’t get to the party yet etc. We waited forever until a doctor finally came and told us she was gone.
It’s just such a crappy thing to happen after your actual birthday, at your surprise party. My FI turned 40 that year. This year he isn’t even excited for his birthday and I don’t even really blame him. To add to it my birthday is the 29th of April, his mother’s birthday is the 8th of May and the weekend after that is mother’s day.
So every day this month I’ve been blue, crying in secret because I’m trying to be strong for him. Every day that it gets closer to her anniversary its harder. I’ll be making dinner and start crying. We’re moving at the end of this month and it honestly wouldn’t be possible without the inheritance money we received which makes me start crying. We needed a bigger house for all of us but we had so much debt, when we got her inheritance we were able to pay off a lot of debt which helped our credit. I just feel horrible that in order for our lives to get a little bit better we had to lose her.
I just had to get it out. When I talk about this with him, he just starts crying and it makes me feel awful. Same with his brother. And I’m not comfortable crying in front of people myself so I don’t feel comfortable talking about it with my friends or family.