- sad bee
- 6 years ago
I always look at these boards but I have never posted before. I am just so upset, I didn’t know where else to go for some good advice. I am really, really upset, so please be gentle.
I have been with my SO for six years now, and we are both in our thirties. We have lived together for four years, and have been talking about getting engaged since we first moved in together. He always said that getting married was something he wanted.
We finally went ring shopping about a year ago, and I chose a style I liked. I know from a family member that he was very close to buying a ring from a family friend, who is a jeweler, but backed out due to financial reasons.
I want to have a family and because of my age, I am getting nervous that if I keep waiting for him, that will not be possible. Having children is the number one most important thing to me, and it feels like that is never going to happen.
It is also frustrating that all of our friends are already married, my younger sister is married, and his younger sister is engaged (and has been dating her FI a much shorter time than we have been dating). I know comparing yourself to others is not healthy, but I cannot help it.
He says he loves me and wants to get married and have a family, but he will not give me a definitive answer on when that will happen. I had given him a “deadline” (I hate the way that sounds!) of last December because I was so frustrated, but he came to me to talk about it and said that he couldn’t do it financially and could I please wait a little longer? I agreed and also gave him less pricey options like Asha or Moissy, so that if money is really the issue, then that would be a more affordable way of doing it. I also said something like “just buy a ring pop” at this point, because it is not about the jewelry, it is about the commitment.
Every time we talk about it, he sites finances as the problem. I know he is financially stressed and I have been unemployed for several months, which is obvoiusly exaccerbating the situation. I have been applying/interviewing to every job under the sun, going to headhunters, etc but I haven’t found anything yet. He likes to kind of throw that in my face when we discuss a timeline, saying “if we had two incomes, it would have happened already”. I understand that my income is important, and I am REALLY trying to find a new job, but I was employed for the first 5.5 years of our relationship and it didn’t happen then either, so in a way, it sounds like an excuse to me.
I don’t know what to do. Should I stay and wait, or is this never going to happen and I just need to move on with my life? Is this my fault because I am not working? I love him, but I am scared that he is stringing me along and will hurt my chances of ever having a family of my own.
Thanks in advance for your advice.