Weddingbee boards

I think you really need to make that appointment, not only to face your wedding issues, but to work through some stuff so that stuff so you can be happy!

I'm really sorry that so much has happened to you and I hope you're able to do what you can so you can get married and have a fantastically happy married life!

As a survivor of childhood & adult abuse myself, I have to suggest that you see your therapist ASAP.

And protect yourself from pressure by others as best you can.  The wedding planning process tends to encourage people to trample your boundaries under the best of circumstances.

This is one of those times when it has to be all about "you".  Take care of  yourself.  You already know what you need to do.  Reach out to your therapist.

I'll jump on the therapist bandwagon but I wanted to also let you know that you aren't alone.

FI was ready to get married quite awhile before I was.  We even rescheduled the date once (by a year) because I was freaking the hell out.  It wasn't over my appearance--though I had those issues too, but it was more of "what if he turns out to be an abuser too?"  I had no reason to think this, but the thought was persistant and it wouldn't go away.

It took a long time for us to be able to even have a healthy fight, because I would get so on edge, and so panicked, he just dropped whatever it was that was bothering him.  (Which meant he wasn't being heard)

I had to consciously remind myself that they were different.  (FI and Ex) They are.  As much so as night and day, but I had to tell myself that all the time. 

I do hope you choose to go to therapy.  While I can't say what will happen, I can say it won't get any better if you don't talk about it.  To a therapist, AND your FI.  He has to understand your triggers, and your past.

There seems to be some judgment from other bee's saying things like "shouldn't your fiance make you feel beautiful" and "you should trust him" and that this board maybe isn't the place to post these kinds of things. First off, please don't let that deter you from posting questions for advice here. 3 out of 4 women are survivors of abuse, and I'm one of them. You name it I've been through it too. And this website is primarily used by women so you do the numbers. Not every person has the same experience going through life as a survivor. Some people just don't understand on here, so don't take that to heart. Being a survivor is a very complicated way of life. It takes years to overcome that pain and hurt, but it is doable. That is so hard for people to understand, and passing judgment is never a helpful way of giving support. Shame on those of you for saying those things. You may not think that kind of comment is hurtful, but being a survivor myself I can tell you it is.

Your  thought to call your therapist, like other bee's have said, is the right thing to do. A professional can help you work through your feelings and get to the heart of whats going on here. I also suggest talking to your fiance about this when the time is right for you. Maybe you already have, but if not maybe he can come to a therapy session with you so that you can have some "back up" while you tell him everything that has been going on in your heart latley. Fear is natural and normal, but also extremely paralyzing. It doesn't just go away over night "because it should" or because you're about to get married. Working with a professional who understands what you're going through is the right thing to do. Please confide in the people around you that you trust, and find a professional who you trust as well.

You are NOT alone. You are not weird or strange. You are NOT damaged goods. You ARE lovable and deserve to be loved. This is a mantra that could take years for you to truly believe (I know, I'm there with you), but talking to someone about all of this will help.

You can do this Hun!!!