Very hurt, sad, but I think I know what I have to do

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Daizy914:  Sorry, I can’t give any meaningful advice but i can give you virtual *HUGS*


Post # 4
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have a very rocky relationship with my brother. I avoid talking to him most of the time. The reasons aren’t important, but I will say that once I let go of the relationship, my life became much better. I was so pre-occupied with it that I was making myself sick. I still see him/have polite chatter, but I’m done trying to fix it, and so is he, and we just co-exist. Of course I still love him, and if he truly needed me, I’d be there, but letting it go allowed me to focus on more important things.

Perhaps your sister will grow and mature, and maybe she needs to do that outside of your sisterly relationship. I would not initiate contact, be as polite and cordial as possible when necessary, but limit contact (both in duration and frequency).

Sorry you’re dealing with it.

Post # 5
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t have any real advice, I just wanted to say I’m sorry you have to go through this. 

Post # 6
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Daizy914:  Remove the toxic people from your life and you’ll be surprised how much better you’ll Instantly feel.  I’m sorry you struggle with this *HUG*  but honestly I would distance myself from her. 

Post # 7
4138 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Toxic people suck, even more so when they’re related to you and can’t do much about it. Honestly, I’m at a point in my life where I don’t care if they’re family or not. If you can’t treat me with respect, I don’t have room for your bullshit in my life. If it’s a once in a while A hole comment, fine, I get it. But if it’s all the time, the person is completely unapologetic and you are not firing back,or in any way instigating.. well screw that. 

Do you say anything to her? Like, “I know you’re jealous of me”? or rub things in her face at all? Even unintentionally maybe?

Have you ever sat and talked to her about it? Is it possible she’s just vapid and doesn’t understand her comments are out of line? I recently dealt with an aunt like this who would say awful things, thinking it was fine. We talked to her about it and she stopped. 

Seriously I’m sorry she’s being so awful to you. The ones closest to us really do hurt the most. 

Post # 8
2687 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID

@Daizy914:  I don’t talk to my mother, and I struggled with that for years. I’d go between not talking to her, to talking to her, because “she’s my mom, and I’m supposed to love her”. I do love my mom, but I had to selfishly decide that I was getting nothing good out of the relationship. It’s not just that I was getting nothing good, but she was making me feel worse about myself, and she consistently put a dark cloud above me whenever she was involved in my life. So, I’ve cut her out. I miss her sometimes, but I know that it’s better for me for her to not be involved. 

Post # 10
9030 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Birdi:  +1,000.  This, exactly. 

Post # 11
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Daizy914:  I have very little to do with my sister. We have gone a year at a time without speaking. At the moment we only have contact when we need to. It’s unfortunate but every time I get back in contact thinking this time will be different it all goes to hell in a handbasket again so now I think why bother. she is just hard work and I can’t handle her moods anymore.

Post # 12
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Daizy914:  my sister is a plain bitch. She is selfish and dramatic and is actually bi-polar. Meaning… One day she is your best friend when you lend her money but god forbid you call her to get paid back. Nobody cares about her…on and on. Never ending drama. I HATE selfish people. Lost two “friends” over it. I cannot stand when relationships are one sided. Ill put up with it for awhile. But yes, I know how it feels to have a bitch of a sister and we go months without talking… That is until she needs something again. I say keep your distance. Don’t necessarily ignore but don’t reach out. Negative people can wallow in their own misery.

Post # 13
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My sister and I don’t talk to our mom. She is a drug addict and well, there is no talking to her really. She is always high, only calls to “talk” when she wants money, thinks me and my sister are “rich bitches” because we grew up with my dad (Neither of us are rich AT ALL… I’m still in school, sis is too and we were raised to be independent and take care of ourselves). Its easier not talking to her than getting our hopes up that she will finally get it together. 


Post # 14
2150 posts
Buzzing bee

@Daizy914:  My sister is the spitting image of yours.

I’m 25, she’s 22.

She’s caused nothing but problems in my family.

One of the more cruel things she’s done: My mother passed away a few years ago. She stole and sold items of hers and my deceased grandmothers without my knowledge, including my grandmother’s fur coat which was left to me. 

She blames me for all of her problems, yet I’ve been there for her and offered to help her in anyway possible over the years.

She has the maturity of a 15 year old. She is dating and living with a felon and might possibly be pregnant with his child (my dad and I think she might be lying). 

I asked her to be a bridesmaid (foolishly) and she said “I don’t know”. I took that as a no. 

We inherited some assets when my mother passed- our family cabin that my mother inherited from her parents and a 10 acre lot of land. We also received a good amount of money. I was in control of her trust (because it would be gone by now if I wasn’t). We made a deal: she signs the cabin and the 10 acres over to me, she gets full control of her money. She agreed, thankfully. I was so worried she would do something to those properties- vandalize them, burn them down, anything really. 

She won’t be at my wedding. She won’t know my future children. She won’t be a part of my life if she doesn’t straighten up. 

Post # 15
7179 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Daizy914:  I had to do this with my sister.  It’s very difficult, especially if you desire a relationship with the non-hurtful side of her.  To me it was similar to mourning the loss of someone who died or a breakup.  It also took my relationship with DH to see how toxic she was – I had gotten so used to her behavior (and let it roll off my back as just oddities that were her) that I didn’t even realize how ridiculous she was.  

Also – I’d try to keep your mother out of it as long as you can.  Mine keeps trying to get us back together and wants her daughters to get along (understandably).  She also overlooks my sister’s behavior and that doesn’t help matters.  If your mom starts to meddle, just tell her you love her, you understand where she is coming from, but it’s a matter between you and your sister.  

Post # 16
4138 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Daizy914:  Well then honestly, she clearly has a bug up her ass for some reason. There’s not much you can do. I would say be cordial, use office manners with her, and when she makes a dick comment just say “That’s rude” and shut her down. 

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