Post # 1
Back in December, FI and I went ring shopping. He didn’t have a lot of money, so we went to Khol’s. Now, I went through hell and back earning FI’s love and trust. It took a long time to get him to the point where he wanted to ask me to marry him. Not because of anything I’d done, but because of past relationships and being done wrong. He had to be sure I was “the one”. So, at the time, I was excited that he was actually getting me a ring, period, I didn’t care if it came out of the bubblegum machine at the grocery store!
There were some beautiful aquamarine rings at Khol’s (they looked more engagement-y), but they didn’t have any in my size. So, the clerk told us to go home and go online to check to see if my size was in stock there. Well, on the website I found a heart-shaped pink sapphire ring. I’d wanted a ring like this for some time, so I picked it. The picture really over-stated the diamond “accents” in the ring. When I got it, I was a little let down that the diamonds were virtually non-existant, but I was still just so happy to have a ring and to be engaged that I let it go.
A month later, FCIL got engaged and her ring was purchased from Wal-Mart. I know that isn’t a prestigious jeweler or anything, but her ring is HUGE. It is also a real diamond. After she got hers, I immediately became insecure about my ring. I felt like everybody was comparing our rings, and mine was obviously inferior. My ring is more like a promise ring than an engagement ring.
At my sister’s graduation party, someone (who is also engaged) asked to see my ring. Her reaction was so obviously unimpressed that she couldn’t even fake it. I was embarrassed when I glanced down at her rock. It was like she was pitying me, or something.
I don’t know if I’m being ridiculous or what. The ring I have now means so much to me because I know that it was given in pure love. But, I feel so awkward when other people see it, like they won’t take my engagement seriously when they see that I don’t have a diamond.
Post # 3
While I know you’re not the only one to feel this way, try to remember how excited and happy you were just to be engaged. You are just as engaged as anyone else who has a different gemstone in their ring! And on top of that, you chose your ring so you must at least like it! I think since you chose it, if you really want to switch it or upgrade in some way, you could probably do that without hurting your FI’s feelings too much.
Can we see a picture? It sounds beautiful 🙂
Post # 4
“It was like she was pitying me, or something.”
Um… fuck *her*, right?
OK, OK, I’m sorry. That’s your sister I’m popping off at, which I apologize for. Also, I know that the Bee asks that we not go crazy with the profane language, but I don’t know what else to say! Seriously – there’s a reason that you chose the ring you chose, and it’s totally out of bounds for anyone to make you feel badly about it.
Personally, when I see a woman who has a nontraditional ring, I tend to think that she takes her engagement/marriage MORE seriously. It means that she’s not just in it for a big rock that she can use to make other women jealous. Ring competition (and trying to stay out of it) is the whole reason I picked the ring I picked. My ring is SOOOOO tiny, but it’s exactly what I wanted! And screw anyone who thinks it’s not good enough!
Next time anyone makes you feel bad, you turn it around on them and make them wonder if they’re not being a little too materialistic. “I know it’s not very big, but it was really important to us that my jewelry not overshadow what’s REALLY important. A smaller ring has helped us focus on our marriage rather than our wedding.”
Post # 5
I have a pink sapphire myself and would not choose anything else over it including a diamond. Diamonds don’t make my heart sing like sapphires do. And you know, if you don’t really like your setting you can always have it re-set into a mount with more prominent diamonds. But don’t for a second feel like your ring is inferior. You went with what you love, that’s never the wrong choice!
Post # 6
I think it’ll take a while for people to warm up to anything other than a colorless diamond being the center stone in an e-ring. So just hold your head up high and remember what the ring means to you and how you love how it looks. Just tell them you love colored stones, and he listened, and bam you got something uniquely you! If you show them how proud and happy you are, then they can’t “pity” you for your ring.
Post # 7
Aww, I don’t get the “inferior ring” feeling at all.. I mean, there are sooo many rings in so many sizes and materials that i just find absolutely gorgeous, that i’d never think less of any one because of it! I would think it’s all about the taste of the girl. I drool over my SIL’s e-ring, and it’s soooo much smaller than mine! I’ve also drooled over hundreds of gemstones e-rings, so I don’t see why anyone would feel bad about it! I mean, one thing is that you get a ring you find ugly, that I get it, but feeling bad just about the material, is senseless! I didn’t get to choose my ring and I got diamonds, but be sure I would have considered gemstones as well as diamonds if I would have given the chance to ponder it!
Look at this ring, it’s a heart shaped pink sapphire I have my eyes on! lol, I’ve been drooling over it for such a long time now! I’d wear it more than proudly!
Or this amethyst one:
And seriously, there are as many diamond rings as gemstones ones, I mean, e-rings aren’t the only rings made of diamonds, so a diamond doesn’t necessarily imply an engagement.
If you please, I would love to see a pic of your e-ring!
Post # 8
I agree with @sarasouth:
I apologize in advance to anyone who shops at wal mart but……. your FCIL’s ring? I don’t trust that wal mart’s diamonds are ethically sourced. I hope that helps you feel better!
one day, if you really want to, ask for a new ring for your anniverary. and don’t listen to those bitches who think big diamonds are the only way to go. an engagement ring can be whatever you want it to be!
Post # 9
I’m sorry you feel this way because i think i can understand why you feel like this, i think its BECAUSE you bought it online and didnt know what you were getting until it arrived……then it was too late. i mean, if this ring had been available in the shop, you perhaps would have seen it wasnt the one for you and gone with something a little bigger. and basically because it took you a while to get your FI to see you as his future bride, you didnt want to roc the boat in that area.
if you really are not happy with the ring i would tell your FI it really wasnt how you imagined it would be when it arrived in the post…….
can you afford to go buy the walmart ring? or one like it?
maybe transfer the E ring to your right hand so its kept, and go get another for the left hand. or try and return it and tell them its too small….
i know the main thing is the sentiment behind the ring, but IF you had seen this ring in the shop, it wouldnt have been the one you chose……you bought from a photograph.
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
@anne B: That’s a really good point! Jewellery in photos and jewellery in real life are so different a lot of the time. I’d say go take a look at what is in the stores near you and see if there’s anything you fall in love with. Maybe you can return the one you have now or sell it for money towards a new ring.
Post # 11
Thanks to all of you for the supportive comments! I have been thinking about having my heart sapphire put in a different setting, because I really love the stone… just not so crazy about the band/accents. I really don’t let it bother me until someone asks to see it. Then, I feel like people are being patronizing towards it. “Aww, that’s cute.” Or, “Aww, how sweet.” Never, “Oh wow! That’s gorgeous!” I’m not going to stress over it, though. I’ve got the person I want, and that is all that matters!
Post # 12
My wife and I chose not to have engagement rings at all, and to have plain gold bands for our wedding rings. The importance of the ring comes from what it means to you and to him, not from its dollar value. Comparing ring sizes or prices strikes me as immature.
Post # 13
@janie-janie: Agreed, It may be big but it probably isnt the greatest quality at all.
@Pinksapphire: SOOOOO cute! adore!
Post # 14
@Pinksapphire: Well if it makes you feel any better, my first reaction to the pic of your ring was “Oh wow!” because it is so pretty and unique!
And maybe see if, since you can get the center stone reset if that is what bothers you so much. There are settings that aren’t super unreal costly but might help you find something you like better.
I do see how the online picture could be slightly confusing because at first glance the prongs look like more diamond because they reflect the light from studio lights more than they would in rea life. It is still beautiful though!!
Post # 15
No offense to any brides who got their rings at Walmart – but anyone who gets a ring there is not allowed to be condescending to another woman’s ring. It might be a ‘huge’ ring, but it’s still from Walmart. Ever heard the ‘silk purse from a sow’s ear?’ It’s not like the ring came from Tiffany’s or Cartier.
You picked a ring that you wanted and you chose. That makes it special to you.
Post # 16
I don’t think you’re being ridiculous if it’s not what you want. If it is, then in the big picture it really does not matter what comments other people give you. If it makes you feel better, I’ve gotten the “cute” comments and my ring has a 1ct round diamond. Just go with whatever you like!