(VERY) Long vent, share thoughts? Estranged family, relationship issues etc.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Anonymous14:  wow. That’s horrid. And wonderful that your husband and in laws have supported you through it.

I think counseling to work through the emotional harm from the treatment of your family might be helpful, and to help you through these emotions. Perhaps consider changing your address and contact details so they can no longer contact you? They sound quite … um.. I don’t know the word for it. 

Good luck,  and I hope your future is filled with a family that deserves your love.

Post # 7
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Anonymous14:  Sorry you went through this and are still dealing with the repercussions of your parents’ behavior.

Your parents are nuts. What did they think was going to happen when they let your DH (then friend) come down to see you and stay overnight- even sleeping on the living room floor?

As long as you keep letting them push your buttons, they will have control of your emotions.

I suggest a “time out”. I would let your parents know that you need some time without contact before you are prepared to resume any sort of relationship with them. In the meantime, I would suggest that you pursue some counselling , whether from your pastor, or someone else, to help you come to terms with this sitiuation.

You will be amazed at how fast they will accept both you and your DH when, sometime in the future, you get pregnant, and they find out they are going to be grandparents.

Post # 8
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Anonymous14:  maybe ask someone (your pastor?) to contact your parents on your behalf to request they cease sending mail to your work and in laws, or return any mail to sender. Concentrate your time and energy on those who love you and treat you with respect.

And watch “when harry met sally” which is where I remember hearing the quote in your first paragraph 🙂

Post # 9
Member
5483 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Anonymous14:  um wow. PM me if you want to talk. My parents sound very similar. I’m sorry this happened to you.

Post # 10
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

I am a Christian also and mom to 4 grown daughters.  Your parents are truly looney tunes.  There is nothing at all right about how they treated you.

Get into the counseling.  Do not have any contact with your parents until your counselor has walked you through this and you have a good plan of how to handle them and set boundaries with them.

The biggest mistake you could make is sucking into their attempts to see you now and acting like nothing happened.  They are cruel, horrid people.

Do you trust your Pastor?  Does he realize the truth about all of this? Would it be helpful to talk to him?

Can I ask what Church you belong to?  Are all of the girls treated like this?  Is this common?  My heart hurts for you!

Post # 11
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I agree with the idea of counselling, maybe jointly with your parents, so they can understand how much harm they caused, and how there needs to be serious grovelling on their part before you can move past what they did. I am sorry they treated you that way.

Post # 14
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Yes, counseling, as far as therapy for sure.  I am sorry your Pastor isn’t more helpful and I am glad to hear this isn’t how daughters are usually treated, at least for their sakes.  Your parents aren’t right in the way they have treated you.  Are you the only girl?

You deserve far better and you will need to learn strong boundaries in therapy.  It can happen.  I wish you the best.

Post # 15
Member
5483 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@julies1949:  yes, assuming they don’t suffer from some mental illness. If they do, a baby will just be another pawn in the game.

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