Post # 1
I asked my FI early on what kind of roll he wanted to play in planning the wedding. He said he would appreciate me coming to him with one or two options, and he would give me a yes or a no. He didn’t want to sit down with me and go through pintrest, blah blah blah. OK..great.
So far I have come to him with a few things…
Music- I asked him what style he wanted. He didn’t know. So I went searching for MY type of band that I thought we would both enjoy. He didn’t like it. So I looked at a different style. He didn’t like it again. And so on and so on. I finally asked him what HE wanted, and he doesn’t know. So…we’re at a stand still.
Favors- Ever since I saw it done at a family member’s wedding I have wanted to donate to a charity in leu of favors. Something meaningful without risk of stepping on toes, like the SPCA. He didn’t like it. So I came up with one or two other things I thought were meaningful for us (cd’s, a candy bar, custom cookie) he doesn’t like it. I finally asked him what he wanted, he doesn’t know.
Same goes for other random things, where I come up with very good options, and he doesn’t like them. I ask him what he would prefer, and he doesn’t know. I ask him why he doesn’t like these things, he doesn’t know. UGHHHH. I know guys are pretty useless at planning weddings, but usually their responses are “sure whatever.” not “no i don’t like it, but i don’t know why and i’m not going to help you find anything else”
We have been planning this thing for amost 6 months now and nothing is getting done because he doesn’t like anything!! Part of me wants to just go past him and do it any way, but I want him to enjoy it too. He is so opinionated, I don’t want him to get mad at me for picking something he doesn’t approve of.
Post # 3
@jgtexas22: I’d seriously tell him straight out at this point: “I am giving you options A, B, and C. I need an answer by March 1st. If you don’t have answer for me or an alternative that we can discuss I am going to pick what I feel is best.”
Seriously, I know that may sound bitchy, but honestly if he wanted options and you’re giving them to him and he doesn’t like them but won’t help pick anything out then its a done deal–you pick.
Post # 4
@megz06: +1 that sounds like the best option
@jgtexas22: I like PP idea of giving a timeline for him to decide or come up with something else. and letting him know that you will make a decision if he hasn’t.
Post # 5
You may just have to say something along the lines of “If you don’t like something, either come up with a good alternative or don’t say anything at all. You don’t get to say there’s a problem, but offer zero solutions.”
What Megz06 suggested would be a great thing to do, too. I love the “deadline” idea. It would solve and prevent a lot of problems.
Post # 6
Omg, totally what megz said…timeline, here are your 3 options, if you fail I will pick myself. One of the options should be to bring his own 2 options to the table for discussion, incase he doesn’t like your choices at all. Once the timeline passes, too bad, buddy!
Post # 8
All of this sound perfect!! I gave him one specific task of researching cameras to use for the guestbook (he loves all that techie stuff) and he has yet to even look. I should have given him a deadline. Next time i’ll be prepared!!
Post # 9
@jgtexas22: I’ve had that problem too – my best solution has been to delegate some things entirely to him. If they don’t get done, I don’t care, but now he can see that it is alot of work!
Post # 10
@jgtexas22: i find sometimes writing stuff on a white board and slaping it up on the wall in a prominate place (ours is in the kitchen) with a STILL TO DO catagory might force him to see on a daily basis exactly what there is left to do. Put a deadline (i like that idea) in RED beside the items and talk to him about each one left to do. Maybe when its presented on a visual reminder basis it might trigger him to remember to pick something or do something? Just a thought…