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I wasn't sure where to put this so i have put it in emotional because i'm upset about it.... actually i've been very upset lately. in the past 3 months i've lost 10kgs... which is good in a way... i've also gone down a dress size... which is a plus... but *cries* i can't stand the way i look.....naked :( I've gone from a size 22 to a size 10 and i look horrible... my boobs are from a DD to a B now... and they are horrible saggyish thingys... Over the weekend i was just in tears (hiding from my partner because i dont want him to know i'm upset about it)
i've been getting really nervous lately about having sex... like i'm worried that he's going to touch my tummy and think GROSS... which i know he won't he has told me in the past that it doesn't bother him.... but it upsets him that i'm upset and that there isn't anything he can do to make it better :( anyway... last night was terrible (and i'm sorry if this way to much information for anyone) but.... went to bed last night and he was like "tired?" lol.... but i could relax.... if ya know what i mean... i told him there was no way that he was going to be able to do anything as it would probably hurt me lol.... so i just gave him a happy ending..... But i felt so embarrassed and stupid.... i try not think about anything but i can't help it.
I'm just so very down lately :( I can't stand the way my body looks now... i mean i love being able to fit into size 10 pants and looking good in nice clothes but i don't feel good when i get my gear off.... and if i put weight on i feel terrible LOL its a lose lose situation here.
I guess i'm not wanting any answers.... its just not something i wanna share my close friends *cries*
First, congratulations on losing weight. I would love to know how you did it.
Second, I am sorry you don't feel good about yourself. I feel the same way. Are you doing any toning exercises? That is what I am trying to do. They do help some, if I stay on track and actually do them.
Third, your partner has told you that it doesn't bother him. He is probably telling you the truth. Mine says the same thing, but I am the same way as you. I don't think I look good enough, so I don't think he thinks I look good enough, even though I know in my heart that he does.
I am not sure what to tell you, since I am struggling with this issue myself. It is much easier to tell someone else that they don't have to worry about the way they look than to to tell yourself that and believe it.
*HUGS* I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I think that you just want love. Anything you want to chat about to get your mind off things?
Congrats for losing the weight! I agree with noritake22 about the toning exercises. Also, could you talk to your doctor to see what he/she suggests? Maybe they can give you certain exercises to do or do surgery.
Hope you feel better!
Congrats on the weight loss, that's quite an accomplishment! Have you tried pilates? I really think they would help, they're great for toning. Also, I think there are a few different firming lotions which might help too. I've heard these one are good: Nivea Body Skin Firming Lotion with Q10, plus Biotinm; Palmer’s Skin Firming Lotion, Cocoa Butter Formula; Jergens Skin Firming Moisturizer.
Be confident in yourself and what your fi says. Feel better soon!
it's not muscle.... it's skin.... i was over 100kgs and now i'm 60kgs... LOL looks like i've already had kids, i think the only way to get rid of it would be surgery and that it's an option... dont have the money and it kindda scares me lol
I do pilates and yoga. but i might talk to my doctor next time i have to go.
Definitely talk to your doctor about it, he might be able to give you a bit of a timeline on when your skin might start to firm up on it's own or how much it might cost to fix.
have you talked to your OBGYN about your concerns? many women experience this too although they may not discuss it. talk about it with your doctor and maybe she can give you more information.
*hug
I wish you all the best with this - I'm sorry I don't have any advice beyond what everyone else has said, but your post reminded me of Miss Snow's post back in January.
http://www.weddingbee.com/2010/01/25/up-in-arms/
Hope your doctor has some helpful advice too!
I agree with the people who have suggested talking to your doctor. You might also want to consider talking to a counselor or therapist, since this issue is so upsetting to you and is affecting other areas of your life. A good therapist or counselor can often give you a safe space to talk about anything, and to help you process stuff- and since s/he isn't one of your close friends, it can often make things less awkward and much more helpful to talk through.
I hope you feel better soon!
Hugs! I think many of us have felt this way at one time or another, you are not alone! If your partner has been with you so far, it seems to me that he loves you because of who you are, not what you weigh (though I know how hard it is to convince yourself of that). I hope you feel better!
Congratulations on losing all that weight! Just remember you are beautiful. Really there are two opinions that matter in that statement, yours and your FI. Have you thought about trying to talk with a mental health care professional about your perception of your image? I know when I was going through injuries and gaining back a lot of the weight I lost, it really helped to have an outside person to talk through my issues.
(((HUGS))) It's got to be so frustrating to have something so important and so serious that you can't share with people. I'm sure there are plenty of us on here who confide in other bees because it is such a comforting environment. Know that we are here supporting you! I think the other bees are right, counseling could really help you, and when you are comfortable with it talking to your fiancee could help as well. Good luck and keep us updated, please!
I second what everyone else has said-- congrats on losing so much weight and becoming SO much healthier! Re: the bedroom issue... perhaps invest in some pretty lingerie that will cover up your trouble areas? That might make you feel more comfortable when you're going to get started doing things. And if your FI is a take-it-off-in-2-min kind of guy maybe suggest you leave it on for a little longer for a while until you get used to the way you look now. He loves you.... he will do what he needs to make you feel comfortable again.
Firstly, big hugs. I know how you feel!!!! I have been losing weight for the past several months and am SO SELF CONCIOUS about my body. My boobs have lost weight and look gross, my belly is jiggly and my thighs are huge.
I agree that talking to a doctor and maybe a therapist is a good place to start. I have arranged to have bust reduction surgery in May which I think will really help with my body image issues. I have been trying to think about why I have all these issues and I think talking to a therapist would really help.
In the meantime, try to do things that make you feel great. Treat yourself to something, spend a little extra tiem getting ready each day so you feel beautiful, go buy some cute lingerie or sleepwear that makes you feel sexy.
Congrats on losing weight! Seriously, give yourself a pat on the back, many women out there would love to be in your shoes right now. Your body went through a complete change, you just have to get use to it. Plus, your hubby loves the way you are! I have stretch marks all over my butt and stomach from having 2 kids and it grosses me out everytime i look in the mirror at it but FI says he loves it and it was for him so I embrace it! Dont be too hard on yourself, you did an amazing thing
I'm sorry you are feeling down, I can sympathize with you like many other women here. What might help you in the bedroom is buying cute lingerie that covers areas you aren't so comfortable showing. Fredricks of Hollywood has some good ones, I wear the corsets that have the lace going around it so it covers my tummy and sucks in everyhting I don't want coming out. It made me start to feel relaxed and may help you. The most important hting though is that your man loves you and finds you beautiful so just think about that when you are feeling down. SUPER HUG!
Congrats on the weight loss. I'm sorry that you feel bad about the way that you look but I'm sure that you FI thinks you are hot stuff!
Great job on the weight loss!
I think it'll just take time for your body to adjust. Losing a lot of weight often leads to extra "baggy" skin, which can feel gross, but will adjust as time passes. In the meantime, I would focus on toning up and making yourself feel beautiful - invest in a new hair cut/style, buy some pretty lingerie, etc.
And listen to your FI! I know it's hard, but he loves what he sees, and I bet he can help you feel sexy. ;)
First...congratulations on losing the weight! That's awesome, and you should be very proud of yourself!
Second, I know that it's hard to love every aspect of the way you look, and it absolutely doesn't matter what anyone else thinks but yourself, but I know what you mean about wanting to look good for your FI. I have abnormally large boobs for my frame, and my old boyfriend used to tell me that was the one thing he wished he could change about me. It was terrible b/c he knew how sensitive I was about the issue, yet he told me that anyway.
Then I found my husband. It's so wonderful to know that there's someone out there who loves you whether you are large, medium or small, b/c it's not only a physical attraction, but also the emotional one. Your FI sees you as beautiful inside and outside, and that's definitely something fabulous to have. Try to see yourself through his eyes, and don't worry so much about your appearances. HE obviously loves them, and you should too!
I do agree with everyone above in that you should also talk to your doctor to see if there's anything natural you can do about firming things up. You'll be surprised at what they can provide to you.
Good luck, and congrats again!!!
Thank you all for the kind words.
I dont know if time will make my tummy look any better LOL i mean i lost it all back in 2006/2007... so it's been a while... i dont know...
Why do i still feel like an overweight person? like i know i'm not... but when i'm out in public and walking around i feel like i'm HUGE....i'm weird i know.
once again thank you for the kind words. *HUGS*
DSC_0004.JPG (64.5 KB, 40 downloads) 2 years old JULZY.JPG (72.6 KB, 37 downloads) 2 years old
i do know that my partner loves me for me. he met me when i was at my biggest... and it was about a year and half into our relationship when i asked him to help me lose the weight... and he did... he wasn't pushy or anything unlike my boyfriend in the relationship before who i kindda blame for my weight gain LOL... i wasn't big before i started dating him LOL... he was horrible always telling me that i was too fat and that i need to lose weight... i would get invited over to his place for dinner (his parents place) and then when dinner was ready he was tell his mum that i was sick and didn't want dinner BECAUSE HE THOUGHT THAT ME NOT EATING WOULD HELP ME LOSE WEIGHT.... which it didn't LOL i was end up going home at like 10 or 11 at night and eating crap when i got home... *shakes head*
I am proud of myself for losing the weight... i wouldn't have been able to do it without craig... he is my everything <3
Wow, congrats on such an accomplishment! Echoing the advice of others, I'd definitely check into toning exercises.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way :( I think it's quite common. A friend of mine has lost 35 kg in the last year or 2, obviously she is happy she did it and feels much healthier and better in herself. But she does say it feels really unfair to finally be a size 10, to be able to wear "normal" clothes and feel "normal" and yet not like the way she looks naked!!! It does seem unfair. I agree with talking to your dr, maybe doing some weight training, and focusing on some self-love, perhaps by talking to a counsellor. All the best :)
I was at a gym for a year and a bit... which i cancelled last November because of costs and did weight training there (Body pump)
It makes me sad that i can't wear a bikini...oh well LOL
I know how you feel about feelin huge when you are skinny. All through junior high I was over weight and then in high school I started losing the weight. By the time I graduated college I was a size 2 weight about 120lbs! (I was 180 in the 5th grade!) and I'm 5'6 1/2. So even though I was stick thin I was felt like I was big. It was weird I know! 5 yrs later Ive gained about 20lbs and people tell me I look better now bcuz I have curves. I of course miss being that tiny and still want to lose 10-15! It's crazy. Just stay strong and try to see the positive in yourself.
ya know whats really annoying/upseting... when i was overweight... (apart from my ex) no one ever said "Juliette... you might want to think about losing some weight for health reason" or anything like that
AND NOW... omg.... since i've lost this extra 10kgs i have LOADS of people on my back about whether or not i'm eating. I've got people at work saying "your getting a bit skinny there don't ya think?" or "hey it's such and such's b-day have a slice of cake" (and i dont like to eat cake at 10am so i say no then they are like "oh you need to eat some cake though" LIKE OMG!!!!!! i'm not so skinny that i look like i haven't been eating...
it's just annoying that i'm at a weight that i'm happy with and people are getting on my back... and this is ALL the time now... but no one said anything about anything when i was overwieght.... when i think it would have mattered the most... grrr @ people
I hate that! I get it all the time. I lost 40 lbs in middle school/high school, and am down to a healthy weight. Some days (months) are better than others, but I'm consistently a size 2-4. I don't eat as much as my family and R's family (but they are mostly overweight, and prefer huge serving sizes) and they constantly bug me about my "expensive" food choice - read: organic when I can afford it - and say, "you're not the one that has to lose weight, I am" or whatever if I'm not eating a sweet or second helping when they are. It's like people think they have a right to pick you to pieces!
PS: You look stunning!
yeah i know!! i have a HUGE breakfast (well not huge, but it keeps me full till 11am) then i have a piece of fruit or yoghurt around 11ish.... then something small for lunch then about 3ish-4ish either fruit or yoghurt and then normally a big dinner which is a palm size peice of meat and loads of veggies... it's just the people at work only see me eat the small amount during the day and think thats all i'm eating but i dont like to eat when i'm not hungry.
and once a week when we do food shopping we get take away because we can't be bothered cooking when we get home... LOL it's normally a whopper from hungry jack (burger king) and i can only eat half of that because it's so fatty and i dont feel good afterwards if i eat the whole thing.
so it's not like i'm not eating... i eat when i'm hungry and i only eat till i'm just feeling full..... althought there are times when i overeat LMAO like when we buy fish and chips LOL i ALWAYS eat too much then and then i feel horrible for an hour or so afterwards LMAO i never learn
I honestly think it's good to splurge once in awhile. I feel like that's how I've kept the weight off, and I bet it's the same for you - lifestyle change wins every time over fad diet in the long run!
yeah i agree.
oh and i dont say no to cake all the time... just most of the time... sometimes there is a super mudcake that i just cant say no to LOL
You're talking to someone who is a serious baker/cook. :) I understand saying yes, I just say it a lot less often!
i had two kids, im tiny and i have wrinkly loose skin on my stomach... my fiance met me after it happened, we made a child together loose skin and all, and then he proposed to me and we are getting married may 21 2011... he is buying me a car this month, and when things have settled down and we can save some money he is letting me have a tummy tuck that here costs 4000 dollars... he doesnt care if i get it or not he still loves me and fights for me when he has too, i have broken up with him over my own self esteem issues and he always fights to stay... men that love arent shallow and will not even see your imperfections, embrace who are, become a stronger woman, and then decide what you want to do...
if a tummy tuck is what you want and you can come to canada for it if it is cheaper ill be glad to help you out around the city and stuff, i know the feeling and ill help everyone i can
and seriously congrats on losing the weight i bet he is so proud of you... now you just need to work on being proud of yourself!!!
see i would love to get a tummy tuck but surgery scares me to death. i had all four wisdoms out last November and was going under to get it done... i was so scared that i wasn't going to wake up once i went to sleep.... and i've thought about having a tummy tuck but i don't think i would ever have the guts (no pun intended lol) to go through with it.
haha that was a funny non pun... i had a breast reduction last year cause my breast got enormous from child bearing... they were already big but they got bigger it was hurting my back a lot and i hated the way i looked... i looked terrified the day of, my FI took a picture of me actually but i had a huge smile the first time i saw my new smaller boobs, it would worth everything i went through and honestly in hindsight, there was really nothing to it, i went in, didnt feel anything, woke up in a bit of pain, got some meds, felt great but a bit tired from anesthetic... but if i had to do it again i would do it in a heart beat... really wasnt that terrible i would think mouth surgery would be much scarier and ive had that too eeeek and will be having it again soon!
Have you looked at lingerie yet? OMG they make the cutest things. Try corsety tops that make the boobs pop up and out. It's hard not to feel awesome in lingerie, and if it's covering your trouble spots hopefully that gives you a little confidence. After a few times in the rough with lignerie, having your partner respond positively - hopefully it gives you some reassurance to feel sexy in the buff!
EDIT - TYPO - i should have put "never be able to go through with it"
Thanks for the support... i might have a look at some sexy things to wear in the bedroom this weekend... or tomorrow night.... LOL should i take him with me to buy it or surprise him??
surprise! half the sexy is feeling like its a fun little secret till.. BOOM! (or ta da!)
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