VERY private courthouse ceremony – coworkers inviting themselves!!!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@caramelcupcake:  That sucks. I know they are excited for you and trying to be supportive, but it’s not helpful at all!

I would tell him “Hey- I really appreciate your support and I love you for it. But the problem is FI doesn’t have anyone coming from his side. Since I already have my family there and he doesn’t, I feel like adding MY friends in would make him feel bad and like it was more my wedding than his. I hope you understand and I would love to celebrate with you later, but it would really mean a lot to me if you could not ‘joke’ about crashing my wedding!”

Post # 5
Member
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@caramelcupcake:  Just straight up, straight face, all jokes aside, tell all three of them that you really appreciate their support and their wanting to come, but it’s a very small court house wedding with the only guests being your parents and siblings. Tell them you look forward to showing them pics from the day. 

That’s it. Don’t sweat it, don’t change the time. Just tell them the truth, it’s family only and they aren’t invited. No explanations needed. There’s going to be 7 people there for crying out loud, how can anyone get upset over not being invited to a wedding of 7 people, including the photographer. 

Post # 6
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Men need to be told in straight terms. Not joking, not sarcasm, just straight up you are not invited. I’m sure the women would never just show up to your wedding!! In this situation it’s not about hurting feelings. There is no grey area here. It’s you, your FI and your immediate family only. Anyone that would be hurt by not being invited to this is out of their mind. He’s not going to be hurt, he’s just being dense. 

Post # 8
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It doesn’t matter how big or small your wedding is, or whether it is at a courthouse, country club, church, or bar, it is your wedding, and people do not get to invite themselves to it, period.

Tell your coworker straight up that it is a private family function, and while you appreciate his support, it is not appropriate for him to be there. Don’t make excuses about your FH’s feelings, or your family, or anything else – “Family function, but we appreciate the thought. I’ll show you some photos after and tell you all about it if you like.”

Be firm and clear, and don’t be afraid to speak to the other two women as well, so that they can help you out.

Post # 9
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

Yes… if i were you, I’d keep any form of sarcasm out of the picture when you tell them not to show up. Be sweet, like pps are mentioning, but when you say “watch out for Bridezilla!!” that kind of comes off as teasing to me, like it might still be tough for someone who’s a little on the denser side to realize that you really don’t want them there. I’d recommend even doing it in person, going up to this guy and saying, entirely straight-faced, that you enjoy his enthusiasm, but that you wanted to make sure he was just kidding about actually showing up. This gives him a very easy “out” while still expressing your serious desires about him not being there.

I totally get this… I’m having a more traditional wedding, with the reception and such, but the size of our venue, combined with me and FI both having huge extended families, means we’ve had to make really tough cuts to our guest list. No extended family. And when some other random person makes it on the list, I always think of the people I would rather have had. Having coworkers there and not a close friend would be weird.

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