Very sad…and feeling alone.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Daizy914:  Maybe you can arrange a girls night to show your friends that things don’t have to change once you are married. I am sorry you are feeling so alone today. 🙁

Post # 4
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Daizy914:  I agree with PP arrange a girls night.  Invite all your girls.  If some dont show then keep inviting them to do a few other things, if she still says no then it may be a lost cause.  That is when I would ask what is up. 

Post # 5
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@Daizy914:  was there drama surrounding your wedding? Were you a bit demanding and maybe turned people off?

Post # 6
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Daizy914:  This is tough. I am a firm believer that relationships either grow and evolve or end. Life changes are going to happen – moving, marriage, a new job, having kids – and true friends adapt and make getting together work. 

If it bothers you – and it obviously does – maybe you can go out on a limb and try and repair the relationship with your family. It takes one person to make the first step and then who knows what can happen. 

It is a strange phenomenon when friends decide to become shitty just because life is busier and you can’t see them all the time. My suggestion? Start a new hobby, join a book club, get yourself out there and meet folks in a similar life stage as you. 

It is harder to make friends as we get older, but it is possible!

Post # 7
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

What’s going on with your mom? Can you invite her out to dinner or something and try to fix things?

Post # 8
Member
873 posts
Busy bee

I think often people in relationships tend to shut everyone out but their SO, this may not be the case for you but it happens often. i am sure your friends and family miss you too, just reach out and make your self interact with them. It may be awkward at first if its been a while but it willget easier again as time goes on. I think the healthiest relationships are those that continue to have lives of their own, do things without their significant other sometimes. After all, what on earth will you talk about if you only socialize with each other for the next 20 years.

Just reach out to your loved ones, I am sure they miss you too

Post # 9
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Just take some initiative and plan things with your friends/family. As we get older, we have to be more proactive about socializing. Is it that you’ve invited your friends out and they’ve been “busy” too often? If that’s the case, maybe you need to rethink your choice of friends. But if it’s just that they’ve been more distant, all you need to do is put a littl energy into the relationships. Invite them for lunch/dinner/movie/etc. Maybe set a weekly friend “date.” Maybe they think you’re in the “honeymoon” phase and don’t want to bother you. If you show them you’re interested in maintaining the friendships, they will probably respond in kind.

Post # 12
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Daizy914: You need to talk to them more openly about your feelings. If they are making you feel left out, you need to call them up and say “Hey, I was sad that you didn’t invite me to _____. I feel like we haven’t really connected since I got married. Our friendship is important to me. Did I do something?”

It’s not easy, but it will grow your relationship in ways you couldn’t have anticipated.

Post # 13
Member
7179 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Daizy914:  Marriage can change friendships… and it sounds like you are going through a transition period.  Focus on yourself, your marriage, and rebuilding a social life.  Try to include the people that are in your life from the past (if they say no, then you’ve done your part) and keep moving forward.  You’ll hopefully make new connections as time goes on… but, it SUCKS!  I didn’t think marriage would change some of my relationships and it definitely did.  It was really hard, but it doesn’t stay that way.

Post # 15
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Daizy914: I know, it’s really hard and I’ve been in therapy almost two years to get better at it. I’m not kidding when I say that it will grow your relationships in unexpected ways, though. Our relationships can only have so much depth when we don’t feel comfortable sharing our pain with other people. I guarantee you that if they are worthy friends, they will be grateful that you’re sharing your emotions with them instead of stuffing the hurt down and being alone with it.

Post # 16
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Yes, all the PP Bees are smart. I just moved to Prague and none of my friends have been reaching out– VERY different than in summers past when I have visited and people always made an effort to see me. I think it has a lot to do with assumptions; people assume I’m busy with FI. And I am! But still… 

You have to make the effort.

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