Very short temper, SO anger issues/advice?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Wow. That sounds scary.

First, I think you handled the situation in the best way possible. I am glad that you made it clear that his behaviour is unacceptable.But I would be really concerned about how this will effect your relationship.

I am the short tempered one in my relationship and it has taken a lot of acknowledgment and self reflection for me to be aware of my behaviour (mind you I am not throw things or make a scene mad, but I do have a short temper).  So for him to change, he really needs to realize that he isn’t handling his temper properly.


I think you should go home and tell him that his temper makes you uncomfortable. See if he is willing to make changes. If he isnt willing to aknowledge it, you won’t be able to do anything for him. 

Post # 4
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Chevyyyc:  …used to….we got that handled because no one likes being THAT guy.  Men are complicated and personally I’ve always liked people that run a little hot under the collar, at least you know where they stand and that they’re AWAKE…but you gotta keep that fury under control and save it for the Zombie Apocalypse or the poor sap stupid enough to break into your house and steal your flatscreen while your still home…

Anway…the best way, I find to deal with tantrums like these, cause that’s what they are, giant Man-Baby Tantrums….is the exact same way I would deal with a toddler doing to same thing….talking, reasoning and attempting to diffuse the situation makes it worse, we’ve reached critical mass and he’s going to loose his shit, right here, right now….step back into the crowd and vanish….let him make a total ass of himself while a group of strangers looks on, probably filming him with their phones to post on YouTube….because whatever THAT is, has nothing to do with you, and he’s got to learn to get a grip because unless I missed something, life is hard….so quit complaining already!

When he’s blown himself out and totally embarassed every ancestor dating back to the origin of man, be conspicously absent from the scene…go find the concession stand, a bar, a fountain with a bench, of if you’re carrying the keys, leave….eventually he’ll track you down and ask why you left, to which you reply,

“Because I’ve seen this show before and frankly, it bores the hell out of me.”


Post # 5
118 posts
Blushing bee

My SO has a temper and I have almost left him a couple times because of it. However, he has made a conscious effort to work on it and keep it in check and has been making significant progress. But I know how scary seeing that side of a person can be, especially for the first time. When I first saw my SO’s temper, I was shocked, speechless and devastated. I cried just like you were wont to do. After he had surgery and was couch-ridden for a couple of months his temper only got worse. That was when I almost left. I told him I was miserable at home and that I even dreaded the end of my work day because it only meant I got to come home to him. Hearing this tore him apart and he recognized that he needed to change. He grew up in a very volatile household, so I don’t exactly fault him for having the temper he does. But it does not mean I will live with it forever. He never was physically violent nor did I fear he would become so – he was more the yelling, cussing type and I couldn’t ever get a word in edgewise. Things have gotten better, although I can’t say I am 100% certain he is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. You need to really talk to him about this. When you are both calm and relaxed tell him how his outburst scared you and how it affected you that he directed his frustrations with other people/things at you. And let him know that you will not spend the rest of your life with a man who cannot control his temper.

Post # 6
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This is very scary. I suggest you have a serious talk with him about his temper. This would be a deal breaker for me if he doesn’t seek help. My dad used to have a REALLY bad temper. I don’t know how my mom put up with it for so many years. Get this resolved before you marry him. You don’t know what he is truly capable of.

Post # 7
9019 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012


Be careful before you sign up for a lifetime of dealing with another adult’s immature, selfish, ridiculous, temper-tantrum bullcrap.  Been there!  His stupid temper could get you, him or an innocent person killed on the road some day.

Can you imagine this person being the father of your future children?

Unless you love him more than life, have the patience of a saint, and don’t mind gambling with your safety and peace of mind – you might want to rethink this relationship.

Personally, once I got to a certain maturity and higher level of self-confidence, I decided if someone doesn’t contribute in a positive way to my life they can count me out of being in a relationship with them. 

Post # 8
817 posts
Busy bee

He sounds like my ex boyfriend who had problems managing his anger and ended up being emotionally abusive and a creepy stalker after I broke up with him.

I suggest that you talk to him about it.  Be honest about how it makes you feel.  He’ll probably say that he promises he’ll do better and change, but if he doesn’t show any signs of improvment and you still want to work it out then suggest therapy/councilling.  Just remember that you can’t help/change people who don’t want to.

Best of luck to you!

Post # 9
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

This is how my friend’s FI is, and it is completely annoying and ridiculous. I just let him make an ass out of himself by himself. He does a good job.

My ex was a very angry person. He would throw little child temper tantrums like this when little things bothered him. It is a real eye opener when you don’t see it until you move in with someone.

I would tal kto him about your feelings and explain that you love him and want to support him but you can’t take his side when he lashes out the way he does. Perhaps he can do the count to 10 thing or soemthing else? He needs to improve because this COULD get even scarier and it could be very, very scary when children are in the mix. Imagine what they would think if daddy does that with them? Especailyl cutting people off in the car. He could cause an accident and harm someone or himself!

Post # 10
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

My husband hated being this way, but had no idea how to be any other way, coming from a broken, abusive home…anger was all he knew….what he needed was someone who could give him the tools to deal with the things life tosses at you in a different way.

5 years later, he’s a calm, collected, eloquent operator whose pretty hard to rattle under most circumstances…but has still managed to hang onto that firey disposition I like and enjoy.

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