Very torn about eloping vs. the big family wedding. Advice?

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
  • poll: You should...
    Elope in secret! : (3 votes)
    3 %
    Elope but tell the family what you're doing. : (24 votes)
    28 %
    Elope and have a big celebration party when you get back. : (41 votes)
    47 %
    Have the traditional wedding : (19 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7193 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @musician32992:  How about a small, immediate-family-only local wedding (20 or so people), and then honeymoon in Vienna? That way you still have your family there to get ready with you and witness it. (FI’s mother and stepmother can put on their big girl panties and sit on opposite sides of the room).

    Post # 4
    Member
    2124 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @musician32992:  This is tough to answer because I couldn’t have done it myself. I went through the same thought process as you except I didn’t always dream of my wedding being a certain way. However, I was worried that it just wouldn’t be the same without all of my family there. 

    Our wedding day was beautiful but I still think it would have been awesome to just elope. Especially since the ceremony was the most important part to us and everything else just faded away. I would have loved it to be even more intimate. 

    I guess it comes down to, how much do you care what your family thinks? We planned our wedding basically around what our families thought and it became this huge production. I wish we would have just done what we wanted and said screw it. But we didn’t, maybe you can.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2124 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @musician32992:  I wish I would have thought about that when we were planning. That is a great idea. I’m the same as you, I think about everyone else’s opinion to much. Everything became more about everyone else. That is why we didn’t have a completely outdoor wedding because apparently that isn’t “classy” enough.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7193 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @musician32992:  When I said “immediate family only” I should have added grandparents. In my experience immediate family and grandparents are the only ones for whom the wedding is really important.

    The cousins (and aunts and uncles) will have to get over it. Both my brothers-in-law didn’t invite cousins. “Sorry, but it’s a small wedding, we can’t afford it”.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2124 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @musician32992:  That sounds so amazing. Do you have any Vienna inspiration pictures? 🙂 

    An elopement in Vienna would be like a dream. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2124 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @musician32992:  Ughhh I’m so jealous right now. Don’t those pictures just make you want to make your decision right now? It seems so easy right?

    And HER DRESS, seriously? Omg it was so beautiful. I’ve never seen anything like it before. 

    How does your FI feel about Vienna? Would he be into it?

    Post # 15
    Member
    7193 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @musician32992:  You seem pretty set on elope + after party. I don’t want to assume that every mother thinks like I do, but I would be saddened if I missed any of my children’s weddings, and an after party wouldn’t be the same. Can I at least suggest that you talk this over with each your parents? If they say, “If a big wedding’s not possible, then we’d rather a small wedding than you eloped”, then you would have your parents onside if you chose the small wedding, and it might be easier stand your ground when the aunts and cousins want in.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2124 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @musician32992:  Oh mannn … C’mon grandma! A couple of months ago there was this beautiful elopement where a couple videotaped their whole elopement for their family and friends and then when they got back, they videotaped their family and friends’ reactions while watching the video. It was so beautiful. 

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