(Closed) very upset :( my family= 30 guests allowed vs grooms family= 370 guests

posted 5 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t think its okay, especially when you’re chipping in for decorations and things. I think weddings are mutual though. Even if they are paying, the ratio of your family vs theirs is extremely offset and upsetting to me.

Can you talk to them about it?

Post # 4
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

No this is not okay. Even if they are paying twice as much as you. My family paid for most of my wedding yet we split invites pretty much 40% my side and 60% his since he had a much bigger family and I knew none of mine would show up.

It doesnt matter how much they contribute. Let them know they have to be fair about it.

What does your FI say?

Post # 7
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

No, that’s not okay. They’re not throwing a family reunion, they’re helping you host a wedding Which is the union of 2 families. Unless your family is very tiny (like, no extended relatives) and his family is gigantic, you should both be inviting from the same “pool” of people. If FI family is inviting aunts, uncles, cousins, etc, your family should be afforded the opportunity to invite aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Have you talked to FI about this?

Post # 8
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Now is all of this paid for already? Food, venue? Is there maybe a way you could go without their contribution. Of course this would mean rethinking the choices made so far.

Why does FSIL have so much say in the wedding? Why not go directly to FFIL and FMIL?

Post # 9
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@justcurious333:  That’s the point when I would have told her thanks but no thanks and just have the size wedding that you and FI could afford.  I’m sure you can find something smaller and you have 30 and they have 30. 

Weddings make people crazy.

Post # 10
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Why do people help others if it comes with such demands/strings attached. I personally wouldnt be able to keep my mouth shut. Its your wedding as a COUPLE. It should be based on making the couple happy not money buys invites. 

Post # 11
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh no! Its your wedding too, not only a celebration for your man’s family! It is not fair to you at all. I would speak to FI if I were you. If he knows how important it is for you that your friends and family share the day with you he would do his best to “settle” the issue with his own family. Good luck! hugs 😉

Post # 12
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Not fair at all. Without you, there’d be no wedding. So this is not a party for them or their family. You and your family make up the other 1/2.

And how on earth do they have 370 people to invite?? I’d have to invite all my FB friends and still have over 100 spots open 😛

Post # 13
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@justcurious333:  I read your update and none of this is okay. You’re being bullied and you need to talk with your husband about how you’re going to deal with this. Personally I would be inclined to tell FMIL that, while their help is greatly appreciated, it’s more important to you & FI to have a wedding that makes you both comfortable. And then not take their money. She’s out of line – that’s not contributing, it’s controlling.

Post # 14
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is not okay.  Speak up and settle it ASAP!!!

Post # 15
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Wow, I’m so sorry you are going through this! My parents are paying for 80% of our wedding his family is paying NONE but we are the ones deciding who to invite not our parents! 

This sounds like a recipe for serious wedding regret! If you have the guts, you need to put your foot down!Yyou are 50% of the union that this wedding is about, and you deserve 50% of the guests! If you don’t have that many people then they can fill in more… Make your list and see how it evens out, maybe they will still get to invite more. 

Weddings should not be about who pays gets the power. Who is getting married gets the power PERIOD! 

If you need me to call your in laws to explain this to them I’d be happy to;)

 

Good luck!

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