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Does anybody else here have a boyfriend that is addicted to video games/Xbox ??? I'm so tired of going to bed alone because he stays up till 3 am playing games. Today when we ate lunch and did something. However right when we walked in the door after picking up kids he went straight to the game. No hey kids how was school, no talking to me, them, helping me clean up the mess everywhere...it is getting old. I'm pretty pissed off actually. If anybody has had this issue I wonder what you did to help slow done the gaming time. I wish I had never bough the stupid game in the first place.
My sisters boyfriend is super addicted to call of duty, but nothing she has tried has come close to ripping him away from that screen. It must be like... heroin.
Ugh, I so feel your pain. My bf actually makes video games for a living though, so I can't complain as much as I'd like. It is market research after all <eye roll>.
Have you tried talking to him about it? We have one major tv in our house, so if I let him play video games, he's not allowed to say anything when I put on my Plantinum wedding, Bridezilla shows. lol.
This truely stinks. My FI plays a lot of video games, but the minute it starts impacting our "us" time, or his household responsibilities, we chat. He might not realize the impact his gaming is having on your and your family.
I would sit down and have a serious discussion about this, and the need for him to pick it up with the family. He needs to limit his game time each day. Many games have a "parental timer" which can be used to limit the amount of game time one has in any given day. The game will automatically kick them off when they surpass the game time. You should see if this is an option for the games he plays. I know of one couple that has this arrangment, and it works out really well.
Hate to tell you this, but my friend's ex-husband was seriously the same way. He lived and breathed them. You would not believe how MAD he would get if he could not play his video games. He even took a portable one on their honeymoon, and sat on the beach and played it. No joke.
I don't know what to tell you to do about it, but I would seriously suggest some kind of intervention/counseling if you can find some. That is, if he will agree to it. The fact of the matter is, when it becomes more of an obsession or an addiction than an enjoyable hobby, they need help.
Best of luck to you!
I actually tried talking to my FI about this yesterday. It sucks. I get up at 4 to go to work and he can be up and still playing. We have opposite schedules but it's like that's all he does in his free time. He's turned down my advances because he was to into the game before. I can't begin to tell you how many arguments we've had about it, but Im guessing I'm just gonna have to deal. IT may change when we move back closer to home in March.
hmm. that's tough. if there weren't kids involved I'd say try playing the games with him so it'd be both your hobbies..but parenting should come first, and he needs to grow up and face certain responsibilities before playing. Discussion and time limitations perhaps?
I do sometimes play but I really suck at them so it not fun. Plus after 2 hours my eyes about to fall out. He can literally play for 8-13 hrs a day. The kids do enjoy watching him play and will do that for awhile. Well today when I was mad it was because he was saying he was sick. Yet he hopped on the Xbox, ( Call of Duty ) and after he saw the mad look he went and laid in the bed. I mean I feel like my mom lecturing if your sick your too sick for games, lol..
Ohhh If I put a parental lock on the game I don't think I'd have a workable computer left after he finished.
Wow that is pretty bad. I think he needs a job or something so that he isn't up all hours of the night playing video games! I hope that you can figure something out so that he is only on there certain times and not all the time.
I'd honestly work out a schedule. I fortunately play a game that lends itself to scheduling group activities, so my fiance knows on Tuesdays and Thursdays between 8 and 12, I'm playing. It's relaxing, it's enjoyable, and I still function like an adult.
You're absolutely right he shouldn't be playing for 8 straight hours. But sometimes he needs to realize that himself. That generally takes a grand existential realization about the nature of gaming.. so I'd instead work out a schedule with him.
If I am home, he doesn't play. When I walk in the door, he immediately will ask if he can get to a save point and then turns it off. He plays on his own time. If I am watching a show he doesn't like he will ask if he can go play in the other room.
Its one of my pet peeves too and I really don't want it to get out of control.
my fi plays tetris on his phone- all the time even if we are watching a movie!! It makes me crazy!
I hate video games. We don't own any and how thankful I am that we don't. My FI has no interest in them thank God! He would rather read which is way more up my alley!
My b/f use to do this too. I didn't really help since I'm kind of a video game nut too (but i am more of a bite person, I usually get bored after about an hour or two and move on, where as b/f can play for hours on end) and I sort of fuel his habit by buying him video games... b/c I always love finding deals on video game and it doesn't help that my brother works for a video game company usually gives us video games on the cheap for our b-days and holidays.
that being said. try talking to him about it. ^_^
i got upset once because it was cutting into us time and kind of ruining my daily routine, i put up with it for a while but you know enough is enough. we talked about it and he agreed that he can only stay up till 3 am when we have nothing to do the next day (our weekends are packed and we have to wake early on those days too). That worked out pretty great.
Hugs to you! I know what you are going through. Fortunately for me, Fi has figured out all by himself that he doesn't want to live that kind of life anymore. It used to make me so angry. But then we learned he has an anxiety disorder and playing the game helped keep his mind focused on off of other stuff. He's now seeing a dr and is on anti-anxiety meds. He has little interest in the game anymore. Maybe the video game playing is actually because of another problem? I agree...talk to him ;)
I am actually a gamer, so maybe I can offer a little perspective.
At the end of the day, video gaming is like any other hobby, and should be treated as such. The main difference is how immersive it is, so it is very easy to lose yourself in it. I've gone whole days during school breaks doing nothing else. Easy to do. Hence, there MUST be limits.
I would recommend a serious discussion about where this is heading - a bad place. Even if it isn't a video game, he is turning you into his mom. NOT cool. I would take it from that approach, not attack the video games.
Call of duty is evil! A lot of the guys we know are hooked and they all play online with each other. I try to convience him to go out with his buddies and get a beer once in awhile instead of that means of socializing. It drives me nuts listening to him play that and I get livid when he is up til 3 am playing.
Xbox is defintley one of the few contentious issues in our relationship, but it's the big one in my mind.
My guy plays video games, but nothing to the point that it's affected us. He plays in the evening, usually while I do homework or am watching a lecture or taking a shower. If it was in lieu of hanging out with me (instead of a time where we each do our own thing), I would not be happy. I feel really strongly about addiction to video games because I watched my brother go through it and spending THAT much time on a video game can literally ruin your life and interrupt your relationships...it's so sad but it happens! I'd be really really annoyed if it was one of those things he just came home and beelined for every day, without talking to us or being cordial. I understand when it's like, 13, 14, 15 year old boys, but I feel like grown men should be 100% capable of having "game time" and "family time" much like there is "tv time" and "shopping time" and "not appropriate to do XYZ time". Insert Games for XYZ.
I think there is a time and place, even for hobbies...my hobby is working out, and if working out got to the point where he began to feel neglected or like i didn't do anything 'but' that or that i wasn't doing my duties as a parent, there would HAVE to be some give.
ugh! I am so glad I am not the only one having to deal with this, not that I am happy that you girls are as well but I can totally relate. My FI works as a welding inspector and usually travels for work and being that construction is slow during the holiday season he is lucky enough to get to be home for a month sometimes. Call of duty is literally the first thing he does in the morning and the last before he goes to bed and there is plenty of it in between. Thankfully I have weddingbee to consume me while he sits on the couch and ignores the world around him. His friends all live in California and Nevada so they will bee up all hours of the night and I cant count how many times I have been woken up by his "Camper theres a camper guys" or "reload reload" ugh!!! silly boys!!!
@shannon1126 LOL Camper Camper!! haha that really made me laugh!
My brother was big into video games when we were little, so I definitely know what it can be like. It's like they're in a whole other world! Fortunately for me, FI has absolutely no interest in video games. I actually like to play more than he does.
ooh does this ring a bell for me.
My hubby's vice is PS3. We don't have a ps3, but his parents and his brother do. I like it this way. When we go over to his parents for dinner I am ignored for several hours. But then we get to go home and I get him to myself.
Because of how expensive it is (system and games) it's easy to keep it out of our reach for the next few years. I'm concerned that hubby will be too distracted by it while he is in school.
However, he does realize that he has a 'weakness'...he has a hard time stopping once he starts. So he is usually good when I say it's been a couple hours, it's time for 'us' time.
I got really lucky with FI, he has never really been into video games. He has a PS2 from his single days and one time I left for work and he was playing and when i got back almost 10 hours later he was still playing. I was such a B and made so much fun of him. He NEVER EVER played PS2 around me.
Yes his playing right now, talking trash to other players. He has zero interest in meeting real people since he talks to " friends" online. I am a gamer as well but it's got to the point I'm depressed. I don't even try and approach him for sex anymore since he'll claim sickness but keep on playing till 2-3 am. It is the first thing he does in the morning, the middle and last. If I need him I know where to look at least !
I don't think that it is normal or healthy that he has more interest in playing a game than having sex with you. I think you should have a serious discussion with him about everything you have said on here. Tell him that he isn't fufilling your needs sexually or emotionally because he is addicted to playing a game. I understand that some people like to play video games to relax or whatever. But ignoring the people and responsibilies in your life to play constitues an addiction. I once read about some guy who was so addicted to some computer game that he didn't even notice when his kids would get hurt when he was supposed to be watching them. Then he met some woman who played the game online too and had an affair with her. Lame.
I completely agree with @MissChirpie, my FI is seriously addicted but not to the point he is ignoring his responsibilities or me. I mean there are some points when he will just nod and say 'uh huh' to some of the stuff I am saying but its usually when I bust out the wedding talk like " which invite do you like more" "what do you think of this STD" etc lol but nothing to critical. I definitely think you should have a little heart to heart with him because it sounds like its quite damning to your relationship and thats worth putting a stupid little control down for. (((hugs)))
I've experienced the "up until 3 in the morning" thing. For him, it's Call of Duty III or whatever is the newest and Halo. They are both SO violent and he plays them SO loud. He switches to headphones when I ask him but he never thinks of this in advance. He does stay up late but I naturally get tired earlier than him, he can freakishly survive off 5 hours of sleep anight, while I need a full 7 or 8, so I'm used to going to bed earlier than him. Still, we are trying to watch less TV and what do we do? He games and I end up on forums like this one. Seattle doesn't have the best weather so during the winter we don't do much of anything outside of the house, that and we are saving for our honeymoon. That should be interesting, no electronics other than a camera and 18 days of "us" time. Now I see the point...
Umm... I'm a gamer that is fighting the addiction.
I've been off of "my" game for several years now. When I was playing I could easily do 10-14 hours at a stretch. There were plenty of times that I would stay on for 36+ hours. My online friends would call and wake me up for "pops" or if they needed backup in a fight. I lived off of energy drinks and junk food.
I didn't realize how it was affecting my relationship until my guy laid down a ultimatum - him or the game. Thankfully, I made the right choice. Not until I had some distance from it did I realize how bad my addiction was. Making the break from the game was hard. Online friends did not believe I had really quit. They would call and try to get me back online. I fought with myself about logging in - long internal debates raging around "If he doesn't know..." and "It's not an addiction, it's just fun...". It was then that I realized I was acting like any other addict would - I'd seen alcoholic family members have the same conversations. It was really eye-opening. I decided that I needed to delete my account. When the screen flashed up that said "Are you sure that you want to delete this account?" I hesitated. I backed up and brought up the stats screen. I looked for a number that I had avoided looking at before - the number of hours spent in the game. It was over 13000. Thirteen thousand hours. Over 500 days online as the character. Nearly one and a half years of active gaming. I deleted the account.
Online games give a sense of community and power. In my situation, I felt I was part of a continually supportive community of people who valued me for my skills and my expertise. I did not feel strong or smart or valuable "irl". The game was a way to hide from my depression and the problems I was having.
Please don't think that I'm saying your situation is as bad as mine was. But please, talk to your gamer. He may not really understand how bad things are and how upset you are.
I have a similar situation. FH just moved down here less than 6 months ago and all of his friends are up north so xbox is not only his hobby but his way of communicating with his friends. When I say something I'm not only taking away his fun but I'm also the evil girl that keeps him from talking to his friends which is not how I want to be viewed by him or anyone else. Basically our nonspoken deal is he can play as much as he wants when I'm not here, limit it to about an hour and a half max in the evenings and on the weekend he can play as long as I have something I can actively involve myself in. If I start getting bored then we change things up and he does something with me (he usually plays like 10 til 1 then maybe for a hour or 2 in the evening) Also randomly we play 1 vs 100, family game night, or rock band as something to do together and as a chance for me to talk to his friends as well. I believe there is such thing as compromise when it comes to gaming but he has to be willing.
I definitely think it's past the point of an "obsessive hobby" and onto a serious addiction! You are getting depressed over it. You need to sit him down (not when he's trying to play) at the dinner table and have a talk with him about it. Perhaps he has no clue how much it is affecting you or thinks it is harmless. He needs an eye opener and a PP is right--maybe there is an underlying reason he is drawn to it so much. Like Serya said, my brother played incessantly (he slept next to his controller and would wake up to help his online buddies, too!) because he wasn't happy and didn't feel accepted in the household he was in so playing was an escape for him. It BECAME his life. When the internet would go out in a storm, it was like he didn't know how to function and would become moody, snappy, and all weird.
Get him some help, for both of your sakes and also your kids.
My fiance works a very stressful job and likes to come home and relax by playing Call of Duty. When I'm staying with him on the weekends he does me to courtesy of asking if it is alright if he plays for a bit. That's pretty much worked for us because I can do some work while he's playing. We're still working out how long "for a bit" should mean. The issue starts rising when he plays for three or four hours instead of just an hour or two. If I'm ever bothered by it, I talk to him about it. It's much easier to address the issues on an individual basis as they come up instead of letting it all build up. I agree that setting a schedule is a good idea but family responsibilities come even before an agreed upon schedule.
My fiance would leave his job if he could to play call of duty. he puts on the headset and is allllll game allllllllll night. he will stay up till 5 in the morning if the "map is good". I find it ridiculous, but he is in a wheelchair and doesn't really get out much esp. in the 11 inches of snow we have on the ground so i guess i cant complain. he isnt out being a d-bag like some of his friends are. he's home in the living room playing a silly game that even tho i dont get it is relaxing for him and he has a stressful job. i dont like it but i deal with it. i mean he does stuff around the house. helps with the dogs and such so its not like he is more committed to the game than he is to his life. he will put the controller down at times and i think he has gone a couple of days not playing because I've asked for some quality time, so it sounds like I could have it a lot worse.
Well it is more than annoying really. This week we had a HUGE fight because I saw that he was losing. I innocently said that I bet half the people winning were 12yrs olds. He slammed the xbox off, screamed at me that all " his friends" heard me and were making fun of him. I tried to reason with him that it's only a game and these " people " are not his friends....the fight didn't go well. I'm just tired of going to bed alone. I have even told him that he can come lay with me for 30 mins than go back after I fall asleep but I still ususally end up in bed alone..
Gosh I feel so badly for you. I wonder if it's time to do what Serya's significant other did and set an ultimatum. If this was gambling or drinking, would you still tolerate it?
I'm sorry your going thru this. My man is not addicted but we both really enjoy playing. He got a PS3 for his graduation in 2008 and a Wii last Christmas and this year for Christmas I bought him DJ Hero.
Video games are a major point of contention in our relationship, and we've had many a fight over them. Usually after we have a big fight he'll mellow out on the games for a few months and then he'll start playing a little bit at a time until he's back to playing for eight plus hours a day. He's been doing this lately since the new call of duty came out. He doesn't come to bed and pretty much ignores me... then I sit down and have a "talk" with him and he comes to his senses for a while, then the cycle repeats itself. I'm starting to think he needs professional help. He's obviously addicted but I have to think that he's also avoiding real life, and me, and our relationship. I just want to kill the fucking xbox.
i feel so bad for you because you are going through this. I am starting to be able to relate sadly enough and its a horrible feeling. My FI never use to play this much before we moved and actually spend quality time with me. Sadly is that is no longer the case because ever since Modern Warfare 2 came out he stays up until like 4 am and plays that damn game. It is causing a rift in our relationship and to me its ridiculous.
I personally think if it was me I'd come to a point of saying listen I dont mind if you play sometimes but if I'm gonna have to keep going to bed by myself I may as well be single and just seeing where it goes.. But then again if he's a major gamer I wouldn't say that unless you're prepared for it to happen unfortunately.
... it's time to get him some help. Ignoring your needs and your kids is not okay. Not at all, not even a little bit. He's married, with kids, and he can't act like a 20 year old college student anymore. I had a boyfriend who was addicted to WoW. I wasn't okay with it, I HATED being second choice to a video game, and I broke up with him. Not saying you should break up with him, but he needs to be husband and a father.
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