View of dating from the other side

posted 5 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I was just thinking about this the other day. I’ve been married 3 months and I would have NO tolerance for dating anymore if I were to find myself single.

Post # 3
Member
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

The first time I got married it was to my HS sweetheart and I was 18 and thought I knew everything, so when we got divorced in our mid 20’s I was freaking pumped!  It was like “so THIS is what dating is like! I can make out with whoever I want!  Epic!” and then I dated for 11 freaking years and I was ready to quit but I’m an optimist and I believe in LOVE and when I met DH he was just so pragmatic about the whole thing by our 2nd date we were both like “yep, this person ticks all my boxes, let’s do this” and the rest was history. It was just all so chill, exactly what I wanted.  If he passes before I’m ancient, I’m becoming a Buddhist Nun. Dating is for the young. 

Post # 4
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I had no tolerance for dating before I met my FI and to be honest I don’t think I’d start dating again. I’d been burned before so my tolerance level for bullshit was extremely low and I was sure I was going to be 35 and single with 50+ cats. 

I don’t know how people do it with all this tinder bullshit etc. 

Post # 5
Member
4028 posts
Honey bee

Sunshine09 :  I’m weird…I love dating! Talk to strangers and try new restaurants and adventures? Sign me up hahaha. I told my husband when we were wedding planning that I was marrying him because I loved him more than I love dating, not because I hated dating and just wanted to be married already.

Post # 6
Member
523 posts
Busy bee

I dated very little before meeting my DH as I wasn’t interested in casual dating. But I dated enough people to learn what to avoid, and when I broke up with my last ex, I was all business, no BS. I think I could do it again… but I’d probably be single for a long, long time first.

Post # 7
Member
303 posts
Helper bee

I didn’t mind dating!  I thought it was fun!  It was fun meeting people and getting to know them.  It was super useful too because the more you date the more you know what are deal breakers and keep that in mind.

But I had a goal of getting married so I didn’t date anyone longer than a few weeks (I tried to stop seeing them after the 3rd date) if it didn’t look like it was going anywhere.  I think I would have the same opinion now if I found myself single again.  But I have always been goal oriented and didn’t start dating till after I finished college and had a steady job.

Post # 8
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’d really only dated people I had already known either from a college class or when I was in high school they were in my group of friends. Even DH is someone I had known from a job 2 years prior to when we started dating. My best friend is in the midst of dating at age 30 and I swear I could never do it. The trolls she gets messages from are pushy and vulgar most of the time, I couldn’t tolerate that. You want this to go somewhere? No? Get out of here. I don’t have patience to play games. I’m sure going out is fun when it’s with someone worthwhile, but in this technological age when it’s super easy to just be ghosted and never hear from someone again because you don’t actually know them “IRL”…. F that.

Post # 9
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well I met my DH when I was 18 and married him 9 years later at 27 so my dating experience is err….pretty much zero apart from him! However, I have a lot of time for coworkers who are going through the whole dating phase – one of whom is only 23 and facing single life after a douchebag breakup. I’m her sounding board for every crappy date and try to empower her to push forward with what *she* wants – she doesn’t owe any guy anything and I think the sooner you realise that the better. I don’t say this from a ‘holier than thou’ place – there were things I look back on in the early days of my relationship with DH and think ‘why did I not push forward with what I wanted? My wants were just as legitimate as his’ but I think when we’re in the early days of a relationship we sonetimes have a tendency to dumb down our wants and needs. As a 30 year old woman who has been married nearly 3 years and in a relationship for nearly 12 years (!!) that’s the one piece of advice I’d give to anyone who is dating – never *ever* apologise for yourself. 

Post # 10
Member
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I wish I hadn’t done dating so bad. I’ve had years to get all kinds of important things done, and instead I spent so much time looking at dating sites and worrying either why X won’t call me back, or how to get Y to stop following me around. I knew myself better when I was a kid, but somewhere in my teens I’d lost sight of the truth – if it’s not meant to be, no number of ticking clocks will convince me to settle down. If only I’d remembered that, I’d have spent those years learning, inventing, volunteering, planning for my future. Anything but trying to force myself into a future with the wrong person.

Post # 11
Member
5243 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

I’m just happy I don’t have to find someone and date and deal with people.

Post # 12
Member
563 posts
Busy bee

Dating never worked for me, I’ve never gone on a successful one. Not like a blind date/internet date anyway. My partners have always been people I already knew. If my FI died or we split up tomorrow I guess I would try to date again, but if it’s a few years from now I wouldn’t even bother dating. All the women at my work who are 50 plus talk about how they wouldn’t want another man if their husband died, and they have a glint in their eye when they say it as if they are looking forward to that day.

ETA: but as to your question, no my view hasn’t changed. I thought dating sucked then and I think it sucks now. 

Post # 13
Member
4161 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

Despite me being severely allergic, I think I’d adopt a cat or fifty instead…

Post # 14
Member
6807 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

No way would I date again.  Now days way to much ghosting going on.. yeah no.. 

Post # 15
Member
653 posts
Busy bee

I loved dating & going out with different people but I love DH more (I told him he must be something special to get me to be happy with just one man). As much as I loved it though I think it’d get tiring if I had to do it much longer than I did. I also didn’t date much when I was younger. I got with my ex when I was 18 so it was a totally new & exciting experience for me in my late 20s. 

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