Virgin Brides/Brides who Abstained-How did you make the mental switch?

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

@eagertowedanon23:  first off, sit down with your FI and have a discussion that basically takes sex off the table for the wedding night. Spend that night just kissing and touching IF you are comfortable. No one said you have to have sex right away. You need to learn the basics first and THEN move on to more intimate things. Believe me, after a while of kissing and touching, it will naturally progress to sex and things will be just fine 🙂 Have you talked to your FI about wedding night expectations?

Post # 5
Hostess
24457 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We didn’t do this, but don’t feel like you have to do it all in one night.  Most couples don’t do everything in one day so there is no shame in taking time to get to know each other and kiss naked before just stripping and doing it on the floor.

 

Post # 6
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@eagertowedanon23:  commenting to follow 🙂 we are waiting also and getting married in september, so I can report back then 😉 

Post # 7
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@eagertowedanon23:  It’s going to be awkward. Just accept it. It’s okay. You guys will have plenty of time to build up that familiarity and learn each other’s bodies and what pleases each other. There isn’t going to be some instant switch that gets flipped. It will be a learning process, and it will all be fine.

ETA: I’m not going to be a virgin bride, but I was a virgin once. : )

 

Post # 10
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

@eagertowedanon23:  I know it can be hard and a little embarassing, but you need to tell him how you feel. Men can’t read our minds and the only way to ease your anxiety is talking it out. Also, penetration can’t always occur the first time. For instance, it took my So and I 3 times to actually have full penetrative sex because it was painful. My friend said it took her 5 times. He NEEDS to be aware of this beforehand…that way there is no disappointment, feelings of inadequacy, etc. The more you talk about it, the better it will get for you…both emotionally and physically. And it sounds like you have a GREAT understanding guy so you should be just fine 🙂

Post # 12
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@eagertowedanon23:  I’m reading your responses so wanted to chime in again. We are virgins for religious reasons too. It can make it difficult because there is a constant fight against being sexual in general, not just the actual act of sex. Let me tell you something that’s helped- i realized that talking to my fiancé about our expectations for our married sex life, including the wedding night/ honeymoon, is not sinful. it is honestly a beautiful and natural fact of life. We started reading a book together called Sheet Music by Dr Kevin Leman, and talking about it together. Being open about your future together is not the same as being provocative (un my opinion) and since reading that book and talking about it more, I have felt much less apprehensive. We have also talked about our “plan” for the wedding night. Here’s our plan- he is going to take off my dress and I am going to get in a bath. He is the first man that’s ever seen me naked so that is a little cause of anxiety for me- I can’t imagine being full on TA DAAA! Being in a bath will help me feel less exposed. We are going to have a bath and a drink together to get kind of loose and then take it from there! of course, our plan is very flexible too! But it helps to be able to envision a general plan of how we want our night to go- it honestly takes so much apprehension out of it. And just remember that God wants you and your husband to enjoy each other. There is nothing dirty or wrong about it! 

Post # 14
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@eagertowedanon23:  pretty soon after we got engaged we got the book and started talking about it (5 months back). I totally understand, I know it’s difficult. It really takes a lot to change your mindset, because it takes so much willpower to wait that it’s hard to shift gears. If you work at it though, you become more open. 

I definitely recommend sheet music. It’s very christian but very blunt. I feel like that’s hard to find. 

i would recommend just talking about your honeymoon in general! Plan it out 🙂 are you going anywhere? I think if you start talking about it then you could ease into a conversation about sex (the point of your honeymoon 😉 ) 

Post # 15
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I just thought of one more thing, and then I will stop blowing up your thread! We are staying in a hotel in town for 2 nights before heading out to or real honeymoon. We figured it might be nice to relax and get the hang of things before we get caught up in the traveling!

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