Post # 1
I have a question and I’m wondering what you think. I broke up with my fiance 6 days ago and have been writing about my story here. Ive been doing ok on and off and am still trying to work on myself and give myself time to think about what I really want. It’s been extremely difficult but im trying.
the night my fiance and I broke up, I was beyond devastated. I needed to reach out to someone, and being that I have always been close with his mom I decided to write her a message on FB. I bascially told her what was going on bt fiance and I (breifly)and told her how upset I was and didn’t know what to do now. I told her that I always knew that I could talk to her about anything (which she always told me) and would not judge me. The main reason I wrote to her was to thank her and her family for being so wonderful to me for the last 6 years. She never had a bad word to say to me, invited me over all the time, even on family vacations in Florida. She would even side with me sometimes when fiance and I would argue about something trivial. She and her family always treated me with such kindness and warmth. I really didnt expect her to write back but I was so happy when she did.
She wrote back a day later telling me that she is so sorry for what is happening and that she’s really shocked too. She went on to tell me that she always thought I was the girl for Fiance, and that she always told her son that he better not mess it up b/c he’ll never find someone like me again. (her words.) She also went on to say how much her son loves me and knew we were having problems and would have suggested we postpone the wedding and speak to someone before things went further. She thanked me for all the years we spent together and then said
” If you need to talk to someone always remember I am here for you please don’t hesitate to call and remember our feelings for you hasn’t changed we still love you and we respect whatever ur choices are! Please keep in touch!”
PS fiance doesnt know we exchanged emails and she promised not to tell him either*
Her letter made me cry so many times b/c i guess I just needed that reassurance that I’m still the same person in her eyes and not some person who broke her sons heart, bc its not the case. I am still so in love with fiance and my heart hurts like i never felt before.
I havent written her back since and told myself take a few days to digest what’s going on and see how you feel. I dont know why but I want to ask her permission to come visit her for a short while maybe sometime next week. Her birthday is next week and I thought I would make her a small tray of cream puffs (her favorite) and just sit with her for a few minutes. I wanted to give her an ornament from South Africa ( fiance and I went there last year and he never buys souvenirs and i bought many) so that she has something to remember me by.
Am I being completely wrong in thinking of even asking her to do this? I dont want to seem like a completely crazy person here and I dont want to intrude into her life as there’s a chance I wont be in it much longer. I dont want to get upset further either, but I feel like maybe it would give me some type of closure? I just always looked at her like a second mom and felt like she listens to me so well and i feel happy when im near her. I dont know..any thoughts?
Post # 3
I was in a similar situation with my ex’s mom. Her and I were quite close, and so after we broke up, she met me for lunch and we continued chatting a bit over facebook. When I met my now husband, I emailed her to tell her about him, and never heard back from her again!!!
Looking back, I don’t regret speaking to her after the breakup, but I was a little hurt when she never responded. She probably thought? realized? that by talking to me, she was “betraying” her son which I totally get.
It’s not hurting anyone that you’re talking to her, but if eventually you find that it’s hard to get over your ex because of the mother connection then perhaps you should cut the ties.
Post # 4
I don’t think it’ll be healthy for you to stay in touch with your ex’s mom if you still have feelings for him and are trying to get over him, however that’s what I’d feel about the situation. It seems like you have a pretty good relationship and it’ll be good for you to at least part ways peacefully, it sounds nice to give her something for her birthday, just keep in mind how hurt or angry your ex would be if you keep talking to each other.
Post # 5
@waitingtobeamrs: I understand, maybe you should stop by to see her for 10-15 minutes and leave the gifts. However, do not make it an extended visit, it will only extend your pain and attachment to your ex Fiance. Personally, I’m sending a Christmas card, I love them and they are very kind people.
Post # 6
I don’t think you should go over and leave mementos of your relationship with your ex’s mother. I know it’s hard, but you’re going to have to move on without her– it’s only going to hurt you in the long run if you obsess over how she’s is complimenting you and playing nice. I hate to be blunt and don’t want to cause you more pain, but this is how some break-ups go, and if he’s made it clear that it’s over, nothing his mom says really matters.
Post # 7
I was good friends with an ex’s sister in law. When we broke up, we did the same thing – we emailed with each other.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to go visit her. Just send her a birthday card and call it a day. Being connected to her willl only make it harder for you to move on. It will be too painful for you and for her. ;(
For me, i realized i was hoping that talking to her will somehow help me get back with my ex. I’m not saying that is the case for you, but it just seems like it’s best to just make a clean break.
Post # 8
I had an ex that his family was pissed at him for years for cheating on me. I still to this day, talk to members of his family. I don’t see them because they are states away. I still talk to his grandmother everyother week. He and I worked out our issues and are still friends to this day. The only time I will see them is when his grandmother passes away, I WILL be at that funeral and Darling Husband knows it, fine with it, and will prob go with me.
Post # 9
Is it really, really over between you two? Because if it is not, I can see why you want to talk to his mom and see her. If it is seriously over, no chance of the future, then I don’t really know why you would, since I think it would cause a lot of pain.
However, I guess I don’t understand staying in contact with ex’s and their families, since I always made sure all of my breakups were clean and totally final. If I saw my ex of 3 years’ mom now though, I guess I’d like to talk to her, but I wouldn’t call her for her birthday or anything. And I know I couldn’t have done this right after the breakup, since it would have hurt way too much.
You have to do what is best for you, though.
Post # 10
I think it’s too soon for you to be in such close contact with his mom. I think your ex-FI deserves to have his mom be his support net in all of this 100%. I imagine that would be difficult for him if he knew you were visiting her on her birthday, leaving creme puffs or other gifts that he could find which could reopen those wounds. Leave it with just the friendly email thanking his mom for the good years you had together, and then give his family some time to adjust to everything. Maybe spend some time with your own family if you need support?
Good luck with all of this
Post # 11
I don’t think it’s such a great idea to carry on as confidantes. The mere fact that you are both keeping her from her son/your ex-fiance pretty much settles the dilemma for me.
Post # 12
I was in a similar situation. I would talk to my ex’s mom on the phone and through FB. I was always under the impression that he knew we had contact, but apparently she never told him. Once his new fiance found out, she freaked and it caused a huge issue between the three of them. His new fiance actually went as far as deleting his mom off of her FB and stopped talking to her. I never meant to get in between them, but pretty soon the contact with his mother dwindled down to nothing, and she deleted me a few days before he got married. I’m guessing she was no longer allowed to talk to me. Oh, well….what can you do?