(Closed) Visiting ex-fiances mom?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was in a similar situation with my ex’s mom.  Her and I were quite close, and so after we broke up, she met me for lunch and we continued chatting a bit over facebook.  When I met my now husband, I emailed her to tell her about him, and never heard back from her again!!! 

Looking back, I don’t regret speaking to her after the breakup, but I was a little hurt when she never responded.  She probably thought? realized? that by talking to me, she was “betraying” her son which I totally get.

It’s not hurting anyone that you’re talking to her, but if eventually you find that it’s hard to get over your ex because of the mother connection then perhaps you should cut the ties.

Post # 4
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think it’ll be healthy for you to stay in touch with your ex’s mom if you still have feelings for him and are trying to get over him, however that’s what I’d feel about the situation. It seems like you have a pretty good relationship and it’ll be good for you to at least part ways peacefully, it sounds nice to give her something for her birthday, just keep in mind how hurt or angry your ex would be if you keep talking to each other.

Post # 5
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@waitingtobeamrs: I understand, maybe you should stop by to see her for 10-15 minutes and leave the gifts. However, do not make it an extended visit, it will only extend your pain and attachment to your ex Fiance. Personally, I’m sending a Christmas card, I love them and they are very kind people.

Post # 6
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t think you should go over and leave mementos of your relationship with your ex’s mother. I know it’s hard, but you’re going to have to move on without her– it’s only going to hurt you in the long run if you obsess over how she’s is complimenting you and playing nice. I hate to be blunt and don’t want to cause you more pain, but this is how some break-ups go, and if he’s made it clear that it’s over, nothing his mom says really matters.

Post # 7
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I was good friends with an ex’s sister in law. When we broke up, we did the same thing – we emailed with each other.

I don’t think it’s a good idea to go visit her. Just send her a birthday card and call it a day. Being connected to her willl only make it harder for you to move on. It will be too painful for you and for her. ;(

For me, i realized i was hoping that talking to her will somehow help me get back with my ex. I’m not saying that is the case for you, but it just seems like it’s best to just make a clean break.

Post # 8
14498 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had an ex that his family was pissed at him for years for cheating on me.  I still to this day, talk to members of his family.  I don’t see them because they are states away.  I still talk to his grandmother everyother week.  He and I worked out our issues and are still friends to this day.  The only time I will see them is when his grandmother passes away, I WILL be at that funeral and Darling Husband knows it, fine with it, and will prob go with me.

Post # 9
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Is it really, really over between you two? Because if it is not, I can see why you want to talk to his mom and see her. If it is seriously over, no chance of the future, then I don’t really know why you would, since I think it would cause a lot of pain.

However, I guess I don’t understand staying in contact with ex’s and their families, since I always made sure all of my breakups were clean and totally final. If I saw my ex of 3 years’ mom now though, I guess I’d like to talk to her, but I wouldn’t call her for her birthday or anything. And I know I couldn’t have done this right after the breakup, since it would have hurt way too much.

You have to do what is best for you, though.

Post # 10
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s too soon for you to be in such close contact with his mom. I think your ex-FI deserves to have his mom be his support net in all of this 100%. I imagine that would be difficult for him if he knew you were visiting her on her birthday, leaving creme puffs or other gifts that he could find which could reopen those wounds. Leave it with just the friendly email thanking his mom for the good years you had together, and then give his family some time to adjust to everything. Maybe spend some time with your own family if you need support? 

Good luck with all of this Undecided

Post # 11
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

I don’t think it’s such a great idea to carry on as confidantes. The mere fact that you are both keeping her from her son/your ex-fiance pretty much settles the dilemma for me.

Post # 12
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I was in a similar situation. I would talk to my ex’s mom on the phone and through FB. I was always under the impression that he knew we had contact, but apparently she never told him. Once his new fiance found out, she freaked and it caused a huge issue between the three of them. His new fiance actually went as far as deleting his mom off of her FB and stopped talking to her. I never meant to get in between them, but pretty soon the contact with his mother dwindled down to nothing, and she deleted me a few days before he got married. I’m guessing she was no longer allowed to talk to me. Oh, well….what can you do?

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