Post # 16
misslucy : yes I’m glad you understand! I’m also pretty introverted and I also am pretty polite still around his family because I don’t know them so well. It’s exhausting. I definitely need an escape plan I’m realizing. I can handle the closeness. I have no problem if my fi wants to be with them that much but I need to be on my own a bit and steal him for a dinner away evey one in a while! Funny you mention them showing up for three weeks because his brother did exactly that! We live in a small one bedroom apartment and his 35 yr old unemployed brother showed up to sleep on the couch for 2 months as we was studying Swedish…whaaat. Luckily that lasted a few days and he left but I was shocked he felt he could crash like that (he has money and everything he just couldn’t be bothered to arrange housing) so definitely something I’ll need to look out for!
BrideUK : ah that sounds rough! And I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one going through it. I’ve made it clear now that this is not gonna fly with me and that it’s hotel next time or I won’t be coming and his family can say what they want. I need to be able to take a shower without gagging on my vacation and get some alone time with my fiancé! Thanks for you input!
mrshomemaker : that’s a great idea!! I think I’ll need to do that. I’m still working from home while I’m on vacation so I think I’ll bow out to a cafe for a few hours to do some work. After all I can get a beer and tapas while “working” 😉 now that’s a vacation haha. Yes your SO family sounds exactly like mine! Today everyone napped together…I couldn’t do it! I’m finding now I definitely need alone time on my vacation.
BookishBee : I think that’s definitely something I’ll need to bring up for next visit. I have no problem spending a week or two apart if it means he can be with his family and friends as much as he wants without me being miserable!
butterfly67 : haha I’m glad you think so! I was beginning to feel like a devil for being so miserable! I think it’ll have to be that I stay a week and he stays longer. That way we can do a hotel for a week and then he’ll be able to be with his dad as he deals with it better than I do for sure!
Post # 17
sensoda : yes the sleeping arrangements are definitely the most stressful thing. And he has family in all the major cities so even a weekend away we’re expected to sleep with family sharing a room with someone. That’s one thing that my SO will need to compromise on. The family time I can suck it up and deal with it as long as I we can have at least a couple nights to ourselves. I think I’ll be the villain for awhile and we’ll have to do hotels.
Westwood : that’s a good idea! That would definitely be cheaper and at least would give us our own space. His family will freak out if they realize we’re just paying to stay in someone’s apartment but that’s a price I’m willing to make haha.
sweatergal007 : I also clean the room as soon as I get there, I’ve also been taking Clorox wipes with me to the bathroom haha. But my asthma is too bad and all other parts of the house really do a number on me 🙁 I think I’ll have to pull the cultural card pretty soon. His aunt just blew up because I made plans for me and my Fiancé to have dinner with a friend while we are staying with the aunt. She freaked out that we wouldn’t want to be with them. I can’t get away! It’s crazy to me!
tiffanybruiser : were definitely going to have to find a happy medium! I don’t expect him to do it as my family because I know that’s not the norm. But I also expect him to know that this is my vacation time as well and we need to do things I want to do also. I just want him to myself a couple nights haha! Hopefully there won’t be major backlash but I’m going to insist on a hotel or something next time. I can’t take the filth, that puts me way over the edge!
runnergal : I don’t mind the language (luckily I’ve held on to it after moving away from Spain haha) and they don’t speak English anyways so I don’t have a choice haha though even in English I would be suffering with all that time spent together haha. Those are great ideas! I think either one of those options would be a good compromise for sure. Thanks for advice!
Post # 18
You mentioned you are often working remotely when you are visiting his family. That’s actually good justification for a hotel or Air BnB. Tell his family that you’re sorry, but you need to work part of the time and dial into conference calls, etc, and your company requires that you have privacy for this.
Post # 19
misslucy : that’s a great idea! And s good excuse. I’ll definitely be using that one.
Post # 20
You mean Spain, as in you can hop on a train to Madrid / Barcelona / Malta / Granada / Sevilla… whatever is closest to wherever you are and disappear to sight-see / sit at the beach / eat / party and generally enjoy your life without any relatives for the next week? That it is what I would be doing without necessarily informing people of my plans in advance. I think both train and hotel prices in Spain are quite reasonable and much better for your health than a mouldy shower. Send them a message once you get there. BTW, the marriage code does not state that wives have to be present when their husband visits family.