Post # 1
DH and I are visiting with his buddies’ parents this weekend. Their son and DH were good buddies and unfortunately, he passed away last year at work and it’s been a pretty hard year for everyone.
I wanted to bring something small for them but I am not sure what is appropriate. I was thinking of a small potted plant/flower but I don’t know if that’s good.
DH and I have been very lucky (knock on wood and thank God) that we haven’t had any family or friend deaths since we were kids. We’re just not sure how to act and what to say now that we are adults.
I don’t want to open any wounds, so I am sorry if I did, but we just need some guidance on how to act/what to say and what I should bring.
Post # 3
I think a plant sounds like a lovely idea. It is very low key and won’t make a big deal even though you wil lall know what the plant represents.
Post # 4
@cooperlove: Many people worry about saying the wrong thing, so they avoid talking about the deceased.
Talk about their son. Share stories of great times you had with him. His parents would love to hear how he made a positive difference in your lives and that you miss him.
Do you have any pictures of him that they may not have seen? Bring copies as a gift for them.
Post # 5
@cooperlove: a plant is a great idea. Different plants have different meanings so if you even wanted to make it a little more sentimental you could looking into a plant with a sympathy meaning or another meaning (like hope, luck, love etc).
Tending to something while healing is very therapeutic for most people and it gives them something physical to remember the person by (and almost a way to still show love and care towards the person by tending to the plant).
Post # 6
When I saw the mother of a friend that had passed, I brought her photos that she hadn’t seen. We had some good laughs over silly stories. She sent me thank you card after the fact, which I’m sure I still have, many many many years later.
Post # 7
I think a plant is a nice idea. And you should definitely talk about their son if you want to. My friend passed away 2 years ago, and when I see his parents we’ll reminisce. It’s nice for his parents to know people cared about their son.
ETA: if you get a vibe from them that they don’t really want to talk about their son much though, just let it go. My dad passed away when I was a kid and I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it for years. You can bring up their son, but take conversational cues from them.
Post # 8
Thank you everyone for your help. I will buy a plant tonight and find a nice pot.
I’m a pretty good judge of people so ill read them. I feel a little guilty since I have my husband and she doesn’t have her son and they do/did the *exact* same job. DH was by no means the reason he died, no one really was as it was an accident, but I still feel guilty.
Post # 9
@pineapplez17: I’m sorry for your loss 🙁
Post # 10
Having lost two friends young, and still in contact with both sets of parents, they do seem to like talking about their children and knowing you still think of them and miss them. They also like to know how I am getting on and we normally just have a normal chat too. Don’t think too hard about it, it’s great you’re going, when some people wouldn’t beacuse it can be difficult. Take your cues from them, and a plant is a lovely thought.
Post # 11
@cooperlove: thank you
I’m sure you’ll be fine with the parents, just knowing you and your husband cared for his son will mean a lot to them.