Post # 1
So we’ve been telling family members when they ask that they can come visit after the baby is born, but now I’m starting to think that was a mistake. I guess I didn’t realize that everyone was going to want to come like IMMEDIATELY after we take her home. We did invite my one sister to come the first week (because I could use her help and she’s the only one I trust alone around my newborn) and I had to tell my second shooter from PA he could stay with us because he couldn’t afford a hotel and is doing us a huge favor helping me with my weddings that week. That’s it though, there are NO extra bedrooms left, and even that feels like a lot bc my friend and I do clash occasionally.
My mom has been bugging me about when she can come. She wants to stay for an extended period as well, and not only will she be no help to me, she needs a sitter just to watch her! She’s a huge burden in general but I told her she could visit as long as her husband comes with to keep her in line.
And now the icing on the cake. DH’s mom asked me last night on mothers day if she could come, and I said of course. I do like DH’s mom, but I told Darling Husband we already have a lot of visitors coming the first week so if she could just wait a week or two before coming that would be great. Then Darling Husband gets all huffy “it’s their grandbaby – you can’t tell them they have to wait a month to see their own grandbaby.” Not to mention they don’t like our dogs, so it’s very stressful trying to keep our two giant Mastiffs away from them whenever they visit.
Well what about us?! Our house is going to be a freakin madhouse. What is so hard about waiting a couple of weeks to see the baby? I had to wait 9 freakin’ months, you can wait two dagnab weeks people! I’m seriously stressed about it. Would it be awful to start setting some boundaries here? Is anyone else doing that?
Post # 3
People are excited for you and they want to see a “newborn” not a few weeks old baby… It will be a madhouse for the first few weeks then it will calm down.
Post # 4
That’s one of my biggest fears, although I’m not even TTC yet.
I think it’s only fair to start setting some boundaries, and try to get into your FIs head, so you’re on the same team. Again, I can’t speak from experience, but I’d be stressed out enough with a newborn, I wouldn’t want to play hostess to a bunch of houseguests, too. I’d also imagine to like to have some time alone with my Fiance and baby, especially in the first weeks. Do they all have to stay at your house? I’d maybe go as far as implementing “visiting hours”, but I’m also crazy about alone time and surrounded by people without any sense of boundaries or common decency 😀 I hope everything works out well for you!
Post # 5
@happyface: Oh is that what it is? If so, that’s pretty ridiculous. I would have assumed a newborn is still a newborn for at least a month, and I don’t want to have to sleep on my couch to make extra space for everyone who just has to see the baby like the minute it pops out of me. Keep in mind my family is all from PA and DH’s lives 5 hours away, so we’re not talking a few hours of visitation here… everyone needs a place to stay and I need whatever rest I can get with a newborn so I can work my weddings shortly after, not more stress 🙁
Post # 6
Can you tell them they are welcome to visit, but you have limited space in the house, so would they please stay at a hotel?
Post # 7
@AprilJo2011: Yeah, I’m going to put my foot down there at the very least I think. The disappointing thing is, I actually do welcome the help and the visitors (we don’t see them often), but everyone at once is the complete opposite situation. If people would just spread out, they would get more time with the baby, be an actual help to us, and we could enjoy their visit, but instead I feel like everyone is just being selfish wanting to all come at once.
Post # 8
@PandasWifey: do they know you will have 4 other visitors staying with you at the same time? If they literally have no place to sleep, maybe they will reconsider on their own. that doesn’t sound fun to me either. i am anticipating both our mothers will be want to come and it’s already stressing me out because we live in a small apartment!
Post # 9
Another point of view would be: Oh, I haven’t seen the baby yet… people get disappointed, I know what you’re saying, YOU need time alone with the baby, that’s should be top priority. But people want to see the baby as soon as possible so they can talk about him/her. Try to look at it through their eyes.
Post # 10
Maybe I don’t understand, you were welcoming folks with open arms so to speak and now you’ve suddenly realized this wasn’t a good idea? You say your Mom is a burden, then why didn’t you draw the line sooner? It might seem like everyone wants to come at once, but when it comes down to it, it likely won’t pan out that way.
Either you didn’t realize people would want to come right away, or you didn’t realize how upside down your life might be once the bambino comes home?
I don’t get why it’s such a big deal? Don’t create more/stress drama in your life! If you know/think you will need space and time, then draw the line! I think parents of both of you should be welcomed right away (mine are halfaway across the country and will also be staying over) but anyone else needs to wait for a go ahead day or an invitation, simple as that! All my family knows where I live, but in the case of a newborn I am pretty sure will be waiting to hear from us and let us get settled before banging down our door.
Post # 11
@AprilJo2011: i agree with this. as long as you have a realtionship with your parents and your husband’s parents, you really should let them see the baby asap. just explain to them that you don’t have room in the house. (but idk how that will go over if you have someone who is working for you staying as well..) these women once had babies as well, im sure they understand how hectic it must be!
Post # 12
@PandasWifey: I’ve staqrted setting limits/boudaries with Darling Husband when the topic comes up because I don’t want to have to talk about it when people are already on their way. We’ve discussed havign somethign like a “sip and see” a few weeks after he’s born so that everyone can come to the house and see the baby and then will all leave after. For parents, of course, that’s more difficult. I know my Father-In-Law will be in the waiting room, as will my mom but I don’t anticipate anyone staying at our house for a while…my Mother-In-Law may ask but I have no issue telling her no, that’s it would be too much right away but that she’s welcome to come when the baby ios a little older. I don’t think it will go over very weell but I feel like it’s important to set the limit now rather than wait until she has her bag packed and is on her way 🙂
Post # 13
i would prioritize vistors. i kinda agree with your husband that his parents shouldnt have to wait a couple weeks to visit thier grandchild… can you ask everyone like your mom and Mother-In-Law to stay in a hotel, so that your not overwhlemed with them in your house 24 hours a day? then you can set up the times they come to visit to you (on your schedule).
Post # 14
Situations like this make me so happy that both of our families are local. There’s no way in f’ing hell that I would allow house guests right after having a baby. That time should really be for you and your Darling Husband to bond with him/her without any intruders. It’s one thing if family and friends want to drop by for a few hours here and there but setting up camp in your guest rooms is just far too much, imo. You’re well within your rights to set up boundaries and I think it’s something that you absolutely SHOULD do… like right now. It’s pretty selfish of your families to expect you to accommodate them during this very stressful time in your lives. If they want to come so badly, they can stay in a hotel. I really think that you will thoroughly regret having all of these people around so soon after you give birth.
I didn’t read through all of the PP’s so you may have already answered this but how far away do these people live? If we’re talking a few hours in the car then there’s no reason why they couldn’t make it a day trip.
Post # 15
@Beebug: I did draw the line with my own mother sooner. She wanted to come alone and stay with us for a MONTH. She wanted to be there for the birth. I nixed both of those and said she could ONLY come with her husband, who wouldn’t be able to stay more than a few days because of his job. She is a severe alcoholic/drug addict and not only can she not be trusted alone with the child, she could literally burn the house down unsupervised. I don’t want to tell her she can’t see her grand-daughter at all, but you’re I DID NOT EXPECT everyone to want to come at once. I’ve never had a baby before, so I wasn’t seeing any difference between a baby in it’s first week and a baby in it’s first month. Frankly, I still don’t.
As for DH’s parents, they were already supposed to come three weeks after she’s born when my Dad and Stepmom (another set of parents) are supposed to be there. Therefore, DH’s mom asking yesterday if she could come sooner AS WELL, came as a bit of a shock to me. I thought seeing her in the first month would be fine with them… they DO have 27 other grandkids so this is kind of old hat for them. Also, the dogs are a problem. I get seriously stressed trying to keep 300lbs of pure dog off of DH’s very frail mother and if I don’t do a perfect job of it, DH’s father over-reacts and causes all this stress.
For those who mentioned my employee staying with us, that has been planned for months already and he’s already been promised a room. If I can’t accommodate him I am the one who has to pay for his hotel, and his presence for my weddings is 100% needed unlike the other family members.
@UpstateCait: That’s kind of how I feel 🙁 Thanks for commenting
@orvis18: I like that idea, and tried to have something similar originally, but no one went for it.
To those suggesting that the grandparents have a “RIGHT” to see the baby in the first two weeks, I disagree. It’s my child and my house, so if I want to wait to get a little more settled in and avoid having 20 ppl at my house at the same time while I’m trying to heal I feel that that’s my right. It’s not like I’m saying they can’t see her at all or even making them wait “months” just a couple weeks. Just not sure how to say this to them or get Darling Husband on board.
Post # 16
@UpstateCait: Everything you said! My Darling Husband and I told our families that when WE’RE ready for you to meet our son we’ll make a trip down (6 hours away), which won’t be happening for a long long time.