Post # 1
Just wondering what your rules for visiting the new bundle of joy were or what rules are you planning on having when you give birth. I fear being absolutely bombarded by visitors (mainly my MIL,who already has boundary issues)…and I am wondering what are your polite but firm rules will be for those first few weeks. As a side note, my DH will be taking off the first 2 weeks or so to be home with me so I won’t be completely alone!
My guidelines I want to tell family first:
1) Always wash hands before handling baby
2) We will call you when we are ready for a hospital visit and you must call before you come again…please limit visit to no more than 30 mins.
3) When we are home, we will invite you over when we are ready (we plan on every third day having one side over, so it would be husband and me alone, then next day my parents, then next day his parents, then a quiet day of test).
4) When you do visit, please limit to no more than 30 minutes again…and do not drop by unannounced! (We decided we won’t be opening the door to dropins as his mom is bad for this and it reinforces her boundary breaking if we don’t ignore it).
Any other handy rules between partners so you know the limits for your new family
Post # 2
I won’t have any rules. If someone wants to come over and make a fuss over the little life DH and I have created, I will welcome them with open arms. I will also appreciate that people have lives of their own, and their whole world won’t stop just because I have had a baby.
Post # 3
Just make sure your rules apply to EVERYONE equally.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
I don’t have kids yet, but a lot of friends and colleagues who have babies have insisted that anyone coming into contact with bubs must have an up to date whooping cough booster. There’s so much of it around and it can be so dangerous for babies that I’ll be insisting on it when I have kids.
Post # 5
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
No unannounced visits, washed hands, and no visiting if you’re sick are pretty general. I would also add no mealtime visits unless they plan to cook and clean because we will have our hands full with the baby and I will not be playing hostess to guests.
Post # 6
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
missjewels: I never made any rules for my family. However, I try not to visit anyone the day they have a baby or any kind of surgery because I know they need rest. I did visit my nephew the other week but that was because I was babysitting his older brothers. I did not stay more than 20 minutes though because my SIL was very tired.
Post # 7
We never made rules with any of my girls (we have 3!). I encouraged visits at the hospital mostly because they were short, I had nurses to play interference, and I didn’t have to fell like a host/entertain.
Once we were home we asked eople to gel/wash their hands. And that was pretty much it. Our families would always call to make sure we were up for a visit so we never had a problem with rop ins. Our neighbors would stop by for a little bit, but honestly unless I was feeding the baby it was usually nice to have someone to chat to for a little bit.
Post # 8
missjewels: We don’t plan to have any rules, either. However, I’ve mentioned to my parents and in-laws about being up-to-date with their TDAP vaccine. Maybe we’ll put hand sanitizer out to give people the idea. I’ve asked my husband to help me politely kick people out if we’re really ready for them to leave. I’m hoping that some people bring meals over when they visit so I’ve dropped a couple hints about how nice that would be for us. We’re pretty laid-back people so we’re mostly just planning on playing it be ear once the baby comes!
Post # 9
KiwiDerbyBride: I think that request is very over the top. As nurse, and mom of 3 I know all about whooping cough, but I would never impose that on somebody. Most of the other moms I know that I have talked to about this agreed that this wave of parents making that request are taking things too far. Care giviers that are going to be taking care of the child on a frequest basis is one thing, but somebody stopping by for a 15 minute visit-no way.
Post # 10
I think your rules are fine. I’d maybe add in there that any immediate family should get a whooping cough booster if they need it.
I haven’t had a child yet, but I’ve read enough of the “delivery room drama” thread over at the babycenter forum to know that a new baby makes people bonkers. lol. It’s good to have some guidelines in place beforehand IMO.
Post # 11
When my goddaughters (premmie twins) were due I got a whooping cough just in case but their mum made no real rules. I had to travel a fair distance to see them so a 30 minute visit would have been ridiculous. Will you be looking at your watch the whole time and once they’ve been there for 30 minutes you’ll show them the door? While I was visitng with them I also made them cups of tea/brought nibblies for us all to share, etc.
People love new babies and maybe your MIL is abit pushy but I don’t think you need to make a long list of rules as most also realise that it’s tough on the new mum.
Post # 12
Westwood: I have actually changed my answer to this thread based on that Delivery Room Drama thread I have spent the day reading. I am traumatised!
1) DH and I will be the only people at the hospital.
2) DH can call his mother (who is a midwife) and my father to tell them I am in labour, but we don’t want any vistors until the day after the birth to give us some one-on-one bonding time and me a chance to rest.
3) Visits will go in this order: Parents, siblings, and then extended family and friends.
We have fantastic families who respect our boundaries, and I don’t think we will need to actually tell people these rules but as I said.. that thread has scared me.
Side note: If DH does not support me 100% I will twist his nuts so hard we won’t be having any more children.
Post # 13
When my godson was born I had to help raise him.. basically all we asked was for people to wash their hands and don’t attend if they were sick.
Post # 14
ieatunicorns: My twins were premature, but not in the “serious” range. Per every doctor who saw them – all visitors needed a current TDAP, any flu vaccine and pneumonia vaccine. I did not care that I was exhausted and crying as much as the babies because I was a single mother. I enforce that rule. Both were incredibly prone to respiratory illness and DS had respiratory distress at times.
Important people cared about the rules. They gladly helped keep the babies healthy. Anyone wanted to ignore the rule wasn’t allowed in my apartment at all.
My BFF hadn’t moved yet, but her brother was near. He got all the vaccines as did their parents. After having to call police because my father kicked in the building door and was trying to kick in mine so he could take proper care of the “demonic evidence of sin”, her brother or father were with the twins and me 24/7. My family refused vaccines and WANTED my babies to be very sick. Since I refuse to let anyone hurt my kids – that was it. I am now disowned and the children do not exist except the one I stole. Who was removed by CPS and I was the only safe home for him strictly because I wouldn’t give him straight back to my brother. Because 9 week old twins who are bug prone and one who is constantly puking aren’t enough, I needed a meth exposed 18 month old also.
Yes, this is an extreme case. But, so what. Parents get to set the rules they are comfortable with. Others can respect that or not meet the baby.
BFF’s brother is now my DF. His parents and grandparents find all 3 kids to be their grand/great grand children. So, there’s no failure whatsoever in my rules. I wwould do it all again.
Post # 15
BBCRats: that’s crazy. Way to go!