(Closed) Vow Renewal or Wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Vow Renewals
  • poll: Would you treat it differently if this was the first time this couple married?
    Yes : (51 votes)
    23 %
    No : (33 votes)
    15 %
    Vow Renewal? : (74 votes)
    34 %
    Wedding? : (19 votes)
    9 %
    Don't care either way, really would make no difference to my attendance/gift : (41 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    To me – if you aren’t legally getting married in front of me, it’s not a wedding.  I feel misled when I’m invited to “Weddings” for married couples.  I’d still attend and be joyous (and give a good gift!) at a vow renewal, especially if the real wedding was private and I didn’t send a gift then. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    3266 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @almostmrsj:  +1 on everything you just said.

    Something about calling it a wedding if it’s actually just a vow renewal just kind of irks me.

    Post # 5
    Member
    12568 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I only care if I found out I was lied to.  Meaning, if you get married first secretly and pretend to have the whole big wedding later without mentioning that you’re already married, I find it to be rude and like I was misled by the couple.   But if you have the ceremony and are open about it, then no, I’d treat the big party like the wedding.

    I had the first scenario happen – a family member did a secret wedding, and then planned the huge wedding.  They treated it like theatrics, and when people found out they were already married the week before the wedding, a lot of people called to say they weren’t going and didn’t send gifts. 

    Moral of the story – do what’s right for you, but don’t lie about it

    (Lying by omission is still lying)

    Post # 7
    Member
    2660 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If you are already married then you can’t have a wedding.  You can a vow renewal, marriage blessing, or reception later, but you only get ONE wedding.

    If the couple is open and honest about being legally married, then I’ll treat the big party later much like I would a wedding.

    Post # 8
    Member
    3000 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    The wedding is the day when you say your vows and legally/regligiously/etc. become husband and wife (ETA: or husband and husband or wife and wife). Any affair after that is a vow renewal.

    The only situation where this is somewhat different is if someone has the ceremony as a destination wedding or something and then comes home and has a reception for all their friends and family who couldn’t travel with them to the wedding. Long story short, if you say vows and/or exchange rings any time after you have officially married that person, it is a vow renewal.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1132 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    What about people who get legally married for practical purposes (e.g. health insurance) but had already planned a wedding separate from that? My best friend did this and I never thought of her ceremony as anything other than a wedding. I knew they were already legally married, but it was almost like a caveat rather than making the whole thing months later not a wedding.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2282 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    “Wedding” = becoming wed. A wedding is not just a type of event, it is an action on the part of two people. If that action already took place, what you are attending as a guest is not the moment that the two are wed, because that already happened – you are attending a vow renewal ceremony. Now, if someone wants to have the big party with the dress and the cake, and do vows, that is wonderful, and I support that. Fine. But it is not the moment that two people are wed, so it is not the wedding.

    Sorry to get all semantic on this, but it’s my default reaction.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1132 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @ProfessorGirl:  I see what you’re saying. I guess my only question on that would be, this couple didn’t see the legal ceremony as anything really special. It was the ceremony months later when they really saw themselves as married, spiritually and such. So, if you see the legal part and the ceremony part as two separate things, does that affect what you call it?

    I’m not saying anything either way, I just had never thought about this before with regards to these particular circumstances, so I’m curious what others think.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3358 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I was eaten alive when I said what a lot of bees have said: that you only get ONE day and THAT’S IT to a girl who couldn’t decide if she wanted a JoP wedding (and possibly later regret it) or have a big bash (but hate it because her father wouldn’t be there – divorced parents).

    I’d want to hear the back story for the couple, otherwise I wouldn’t attend. It’s not a wedding if you’re already married. I’m fine with vow renewals, though.

    Post # 13
    Member
    218 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Please add this selection- “To each his own, who cares, stop beating a dead horse.”

    Post # 15
    Member
    1354 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @Flippy2013:  hahahahahahahahaha… but seriously… I would totally vote for that 😛

    Post # 16
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I don’t think Vow Renewal is the right word for it either…but when I’m invited to a “wedding” I expect a ceremony and reception…if it’s just a reception I’d just say on invitations something like “The happy couple is delighted to invite you to a reception to celebrate our marriage”…it depends on the time between too…if you just quickly got legally married but then a couple months later did a full wedding (ceremony in front of people + reception) I’d just call it a wedding. If it’s a year or more later, and there’s a ceremony involved, that is more like a vow renewal. If it’s several months to a year later and there’s no ceremony, just a party, I just wouldn’t give it a name and say something cute on the invitation acknowledging that yeah we’ve been married for awhile now and enjoying it but now we want our friends and family to have the chance to enjoy it as well so let’s party! without saying “come to our wedding” I think it’s the amount of time passed and the depth of the ceremony (any ceremony at all? Just some quick vows or actual exchanging of rings etc?) that would change what I would personally call it…

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