Vow renewal questions

posted 3 years ago in Vow Renewals
  • poll: Vow Renewal/Wedding
    To do something small : (11 votes)
    38 %
    Wedding we have dreamed of : (18 votes)
    62 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    712 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @scottandrobintodd:  

    No, you are not crazy. Many couples have vow renewals if their weddings were awful. Who wants to have nothing but bad memories when they remember getting married?

    My husband and I had an awful wedding too. We couldn’t afford a family wedding and my mother was being very insulting and controlling; she tried to make my wedding all about her wishes. We eloped and our few guests were very late, along two of the guests talking shit about me the whole time.

    My family has some traditional cultural ideas about a daughter’s wedding. They stopped talking to my husband and I for a year after we eloped. I understand that they were very hurt.

    So in October 2015, my husband and I are having a vow renewal. We are having a wedding cake, favors, flowers…the whole nine. I am wearing a wedding gown so that my mother can finally see me in one.

    It might be helpful to ask your loved ones how they would feel about your vow renewal, so that you can make sure they support your ideas.

    Post # 4
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @scottandrobintodd:  Of course it’s not crazy! Have your dream wedding! Ppl do this all the time. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Hi @scottandrobintodd:  I see you are NEW to WBee, so first and foremost a GREAT BIG Welcome to “the Hive”

    I am a bit of an Etiquette Snob here on WBee… lol

    In that I know all the “rules” cause of my upbringing and job

    The good news is… what you want to do is nowadays perfectly acceptable.

    Vow Renewals in this era of so much seperation & divorce… are very cool and wonderful

    So that is the good news

    Also… the “rules” are pretty lax on what is and isn’t ok to do…

    SO YES… in light of your situation, and having already been married more than 5 years… you can have the big white wedding you’ve always dreamed of… Church Ceremony – Wedding Dress – Tuxedos – Wedding Party – Flowers – Limo – Reception – Cake – First Dance… the whole 9 yards

    The only areas that are guache to do are:

    A Bachelorette Party (as you truly aren’t a Bachelorette any more) and any Showers

    And that is mostly because both of those occasions are seen to be “gift grabby”

    Just be sure you tell everyone all the time that it is a Vow Renewal Ceremony (like a Wedding, cept we are already married)

    And you’ll be good to go

    And oh ya… ENJOY IT this time round

    CONGRATULATIONS !!

    Happy planning.

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    2055 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @scottandrobintodd:  Lady, do what pleases you. You are totally entitled to creating the wedding you want, especially in light of your history you described. I really don’t see your situation as you recreating your wedding day, but rather, giving yourself permission to create something completely new with the foundation of your official marriage already beautifully established. So get the dress, have the big party, add to the memories that make you both happy. Many blessings to you both and happy planning!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1560 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @scottandrobintodd:  Do it, fulfill your dreams. Screw the haters. I married my hubby May 2012. We are amilitary couple and we did a quick JOP…our big wedding with friends family, gown, DJ, the whole nine years, is in 4 weeks. No one is any less excited for us, or any less into planning or celebrating our wedding.  Do what you want.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1261 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    You’re not crazy at all! I’m FINALLY having the vow renewal I have wanted for years….my story is different then yours though, but I know how you feel. DH and will be married 8 years on the day we nenew our vows. When we originally got married I was 6 months pregnant and it was a spur of the moment thing….not my choice, but his. I had 2 months to prepare everything and I ended up getting a dress I didn’t like and we got married at the court house. My parents weren’t able to be there and there was no reception or pictures. I thought it wouldn’t bother me doing it that way….but 7 years later I’m still sad about it. This past May my dh bought me a beautiful right hand ring and asked me marry him again….this time doing it the way I wanted. I’m sooo excited about it!!!

    I think you should totally do it!

    I’m sorry to hear about your mom…I can’t imagine how hard that was/is.

    Take care!!! Megan

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    712 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @scottandrobintodd:  

    Have you made any plans? Do tell! It adds to the excitement of the vow renewal.

    I won’t be renewing my vows for two years and I already have everything picked out, along with dates for putting down deposits. Yeah, I’m a neurotic nerd. Laughing After my terrible wedding, I want my wedding to go at least practically perfect.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    712 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @This Time Round:  

    I love the information you provide about vow renewals. You are like a modern Emily Post.

    I am thinking of having bridesmaids at my vow renewal, despite all the information which says they are inappropriate at a vow renewal. My dress is going to be grand and I want my two best friends helping me on that day..I also want beautiful pictures of my two besties and me on my “wedding” day.

    What do YOU think of bridesmaids at a vow renewal? Yay or nay?

    Post # 11
    Member
    920 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    Personally I think it’s fine.  I love vow renewals  There’s nothing wrong with placing that horrible memory with a good one.  Of course there will be people who don’t want to go but don’t worry about them and be happy.

    I do suggest you skip all the side parties (engagement, bachelorette, and ect).  Especially if you had them the first time.  Instead of doing the first dance you could have your dj say that your going to open the dance half way through your first song.  If your up for it having a fun and light heart feel to it is always good.

    Hope it’s as perfect as you want it to be :).

    Post # 12
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    TO @TakeTwo:  Thank you for your kind words.

    Traditionally… Vow Renewals were a lot more informal than a Wedding.  In so much as most of them were done after a couple were married a fair bit of time (milestone occasion).  In which case, the Bride & Groom wore their Wedding Attire (lol if it still fit) or something similar… the Bride for example, might opt to go with a White or Cream Dress or Suit.  Bridesmaids & Groomsmen / Ushers, who had taken part the first time round, and were present would wear whatever they wished (matchy matchy not a requirement for the VR).  OR sometimes, the Couple would choose just to have their MOH & BM stand up with them again.

    Today, as I said a lot of things have changed in the Wedding World … including on this front.

    First, and most noticeably, more and more couples who for whatever reason didn’t have the “Wedding of their Dreams” the first time, are opting for the whole shebang the second time round for their VR.  And often these events are not happening on a milestone occasion, but a lot sooner…

    In which case, they look a lot more like a Traditional BIG White Pouffy Family Wedding… with all the trimmings.

    So my best advice… is to be clear on which option you are going for…

    The Traditional VR as I described in the first paragraph above, or the second more Modern VR.  Then stick with the plan…

    Personally, as Mr TTR and I eloped, and we are older in age, and I am pretty certain that Milestone # 25 will never happen for us… I am thinking that if we ever do a VR, I’ll be going the Traditional Route… either again on a vacation… (maybe the exact same beach ?) … or we’ll have a chance to do it here at home with close family members who weren’t with us for our Elopement… followed by a Backyard BBQ (summer)… or a Dinner Out… and a few toasts to many more years of wedded bliss.

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    712 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @This Time Round:  

    You did help.

    We are following the “Modern VR” rules because of our bad wedding memories and for my parents. I know my mother would love to see me in a gown, watch me cut cake, see centrepieces etc. I want all of this too, but some of if is because of my parents.

    When I mentioned wearing a wedding dress to my vow renewal, my mom was VERY happy that I was considering it. My husband will be in a tux so why not match him? We want this to be different and more formal than our wedding.  

     

    Thanks!

     

     

     

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