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I definitely wouldn't try to memorize them.
We wrote our own vows, and they were different from each other. Our minister said them and we repeated after him. We wanted to be able to look into each other's eyes while we were saying them, not looking up and down from a piece of paper.
We're doing the same thing! A friend is officiating, and we wrote our own vows. We have some that are the same and some that are different. We're not going to try to memorize them - we're both afraid we'll be too nervous and go blank or leave something out. We're writing ours out on paper and my FI will hold them and hand me mine. Nothing fancy, but something we can keep.
We wrote ours on a little slip of paper. He kept his inside his suit pocket and mine was tucked into the bottom of my boquet. It worked out just fine.
Our pastor is really encouraging us to memorize them and internalize the vows we chose. I don't think it's unreasonable to memorize them, and when she suggested it I thought it was really sweet. But I've had more than my fair share of poetry to memorize and recite so I'm pretty comfortable with doing it for wedding vows. My FI felt the same way, so we're going to go ahead and do it.
If you didn't want to, you could just go buy some really cute little journal thing or something to hold in your hands with the vows written inside. Otherwise if you think that's weird too, what's wrong with just a really really nice luxe piece of small cardstock? I think there are plenty of ways you could do it that nobody would notice/think about.
I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable trying to memorize it lol That day is just sooo busy and full of emotions, I think I would have blanked out. We didnt write our own per ce, we just took bits of other vows we found and liked and changed it around a bit to suit us, but we made them repeat after me style so that it was easier. There's no problem with having a paper to read from though, and I really like minneapolitan's idea about having a pretty book. Maybe you can make that your guest book later for people to write in :)
Thanks for all the great ideas. I am usually good at memorizing things, but I am nervous about doing it for such a big occassion.
I recommend memorizing it and practicing it several times but just in case have some pretty cardstock made with the vows printed on it... nothing too large
I reccomend doing the vow prompting when you're using less personalized vows (more the traditional "to have and to hold" and less the untraditional "I promise to bring you cookies in bed," if that gives you an idea). I think your best bet, if your fiance really does want to memorize them (which is very sweet, but I never push on my couples unless that is something they truly want to do), is to have a small copy ready - as Sarah said, your officiant may bring it for you, or you can print it on a small sheet of cardstock, and give to your officiant before hand. If you get lost in the memorization, just turn to your officiant, they'll hand you the sheet, and you can continue.
I've been thinking about this as we are also writing our own vows. I know memorizing them is something I could easily do, but also afraid I might forget a word and get all thrown off. So we're going to give a copy to our officiant before the wedding and get a prompt if need be. I like the idea of printing it off on nice paper- I did this for the toast I gave at each of my sister's weddings so they could put it in with their other momentos of the day.
Our minister had us repeat our vows that we had on a large piece of paper in his bible. I'm glad that was the case because my husband has thrown up the night before from an allergic reaction to the food we had eaten at the rehearsal dinner and really couldn't concentrate with only two hours of sleep.
I say yes to the cheat sheet. The couple I married two weeks ago wrote their own vows and both of them were so nervous that they forgot. The groom had his written out on a little notecard but the bride had nothing! Of course, I'm close friends with both the bride and groom so when I was writing out my ceremony script, I'd included their vows as a part of it just in case and when she gave me that omg look, I just handed her the page so she could read them. And even better, no one except the people in the bridal party noticed.
My hubbie wanted to memorize. I was under enough stress! So, I wrote them both out on pretty cardstock and the best man carried them in his pocket, and when it was time, we both read them from the cards. Worked perfect, because it turned out my hubbie was very emotional.
We are going to be writing our own vows too. And we are going to have the "cheat" sheets. We are having our ceremony in a castle, so we will be using scrolls for the cheat sheets. We are going to try to memorize them; however, I think I will be way to nervous to say them without at least having the sheet available. My MOH or LOH and his BM will have the vows with them to give to us.
Ummmm there's no way in hell I could've memorized anything! It's best to have it JUST in case you forget
How mortifying would THAT be?! "uhhhhh. uhhhhh. ummmmm". Awful.
I plan on printing mine up on a nice card to read. I probably could memorize it...but I think it would SOUND like I was trying to recall it from memory...you know? So..I plan on having it wrapped around my bouquet until it's time.
We are also writing our own vows.. We were told by the deacon that we can give him a copy and he can quietly read it to us as we are saying it. He stated it is totally normal to feel blank when up in front of everyone! I will practice alot and try to remember most of it
I think you can memorise them! I think the vows loose their importance when they are read and repeated somehow...good luck!
I would try to memorize them but I would take a notecard with them printed as well. The best ceremony I was ever at... the bride and groom wrote their own vows and the minister handed them each a large notecard to do their vows. The bride started to read, cracked up, turned to the audience and said "Yea um... I gave the minister the wrong version of the vows! I'm going to have to wing this!" and then she did. The ceremony was great because it was from the heart and they just rolled with the challenges.
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Last night we met with our officiant, who also happens to be a friend of ours. This conversation got us thinking about our vow exchange. We wrote our own vows. We will be saying the same thing to each other, but we are not using the traditional vows.
I am scared we will be nervous and forget words so I voted for having our officiant prompt us. FI wants to just say the vows without prompting, but to have a cheat sheet. So this leads to two questions? Do you think it is reasonable to memorize them? If you were doing a cheat sheet, what form would it take? I was thinking a scroll, but I think it would be a bit weird to read from a scroll.