(Closed) Wackiest Family Moments? share yours

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@TexasSpringBride:  I have a great aunt that full on believes she’s Lakota Sioux Indian.  Haha she even tells members of our own family about it when we all know full well there is ZERO Native American blood in our family.  She’s a nutball!

Post # 4
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

My Gram, bless her heart, has absolutely NO filter between her brain and her mouth.  We blame this on the fact that she’s 80 years old, but deep down I know it’s becuase she genuinely does not give a shit if she hurts someone’s feelings.  Here are a few examples:

Gram made a chocolate cake.  Everyone in the house is on a diet, and she’s diabetic, so one day she started complaining that nobody was eating the cake.  Ok, fine, I’ll have a slice after my lunch (I have lunch with her almost every day).  I get a piece of cake.  She looks at my plate and says “If you keep eating like that you’re going to get fat.”  O.O  ok Gram, do you want me to eat the cake, or do you want me to NOT eat the cake, because either way I don’t really care…  Ugh.

One year for Thanksgiving my bestie of 24 years came by, just like every holiday every year, to have dinner with us.  She is Asian (her family is from Taiwan, but she was born in New York… made in Amurrica is what she says!)… anyway, as we are all enjoying a lovely Thanksgiving meal, my Gram starts going on and on about ‘those damn foreigners’ yadda yadda.  Someone mentioned that since her parents were Irish, they were foreigners at one point as well, and she said “No, no, no.  I mean those little brown people!”  O.o  Oh Grandma… I look right at my Asian friend, who is laughing hysterically at this point, and Gram shouts “I don’t mean HER, she’s like family!”  Oy.  We told Gram that my friend wasn’t coming to Christmas dinner if she was going to talk about ‘the little brown people’ again!

I love my Grandma, I really do, but bless her heart she’s insane.

Post # 7
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Between my grandmother (rest her soul) insisting that people that eat in kitchens are “middle class” and complaining about the increasing cost of her weekly “blowjob” at the hair salon, to my father, who squandered a small fortune trying to franchise a ghetto Dunkin Donuts in Eastern Europe…we’re f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s.

Queen of all the hilarity is my mother. She’s the coach of the swim team in our neighborhood and may the lord have mercy on you if you’re on her team, she has eyes everywhere. One time we were driving past the middle school and she noticed one of her boys at the front of the school. He was surrounded by 3 girls. Obviously trying to stay classy, you know? My mom rolls down her window and screams at him “BENJAMIN, I SEE YOU! ARE YOU CAUSING TROUBLE? WHY ARE YOU NOT WALKING TO PRACTICE? I’M CALLING YOUR MOTHER.” Poor kid looked mortified. Even I was mortified for him.

Post # 8
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@TexasSpringBride:  Surprised  I’ll bet that was more therapeutic than a bottle of wine and a bubble bath!

@atlbride2013:  I would have DIED of embarrassment.  And did your grandmother really say “weekly blowjob” with a straight face?!?!?!

Post # 9
Member
980 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My grandmother wanted to make an unscheduled speech at my cousin’s wedding. I caught her as she was beelining towards the DJ and the mic. Knowing her (this is the same woman who drunkenly decked my aunt in the eye with a wooden penis over christmas dinner), I asked her to run it by me first. Turns out her loving speech was warning the groom to take care of his penis because she’d just seen this scary segment on dr.phil about penile cancer. I convinced her it’d be better to write it in a card.  

Post # 10
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@DaneLady:  her english wasn’t the best. but her attitude was awesome!

Post # 12
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@TexasSpringBride:  Oh heavens no. I come from a long line of hilarious and well-meaning racists, sexists, elitists, and all-around mortifiers.

Post # 14
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My grandpa loves mixed nuts so one Chrismas a few years ago we bought loads of nuts and put them in bowls around the house for people to snack on. About half way through they day grandpa says ‘Geez these nuts taste bloody awful’

I looked in the bowl and realized he had been eating the Potpourri.

Post # 15
Member
2448 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FauxBoho:  HAHAHAHAHAHA. I just spit tea all over my keyboard.

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