- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Good for you for recognizing that you have a problem and wanting to change it! I have never been to a financial planner but I really think you should do it if you don't really know how to budget or combine your finances on your own. They have a lot of experience with that. Just make sure they work on fees and not comissions in case you need help investing.
Ah, yes - excellent point MissAsB - The person we are seeing is actually our tax guy who is charging us a fee. Luckily we know and trust him already - so I'm not too worried. Also, we aren't going to discuss investments as much as how to handle ourselves on a monthly budget basis and work our way out of debt (and hopefully get married somewhere in there, too!)
You don't really need a financial planner. I think you know what you need to do and you are very aware of your shortcomings on budgeting. The FI and I sat down on Jan. 1 and were realistic about our spending. We made a spreadsheet of all of our fixed expenses and then allotted a reasonable amount for food and disposable income. The key is reasonable. I started to use Mint.com and it's great. It links up to all your accounts and shows you reports on your spending (pie charts, yay!) and you can sign up for alerts if you are going over your budget. Anyways, the spreadsheet we created showed us that we could/should be saving x amount per month towards a house. Since you already have one, that could be for your wedding. A financial planner would ask for this spreadsheet anyway, but they are mostly for long-term investments. If you don't have the money to invest, they can't do much more than you already know how to do.
We took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and it completely changed our lives! We are so much happier and "at peace" with our life just the way it is. I hope whatever your plan of action is that you find peace and maintain a loving, healthy relationship with your fiance. (:
I second Mint.com. It TELLS ON YOU. If you do stupid stuff with your money, it tells you. We set "budgets" for different categories, like shopping, food, entertainment, etc, and it sends a text message when you're over budget. Also, having all of your accounts in front of you like that can be sobering.
You know you have to pay bills on time. You know you have to cut back. You don't need a planner to tell you that. Just set a goal and you'll see how you have to budget to meet it.
I appreciate the comments about "not needing a financial planner" - here's the straight talk. We have DONE mint.com - DONE a handwritten budget - DONE several excel spreadsheets... nothing works when you are not on the same page about what you should and should not be prioritizing in your finances. Noa mount of talking, fighting or discussing this issue between us has made a bit of difference in the last four years - or I woudl gladly take the "free" approach to budgeting.
I am fine doing all these things - and alone, I can manage my own money really well. The problem is that my FI wants a lot of things we can't afford and doesn't manage his money very well. And since meeting him, I tend to give in a lot and let things go one financially that go against what I know is right and true.
Guys, I know it isn't rocket science... I guess maybe the way I had things worded might have lead you to believe I have no clue about anything. Our issue is related to the "we" - and in he has an idea and I have an idea of how to do things - but those two don't mesh at all and we can't seem to get on the same page.
Am I really the only person out there who has this sort of issue?
Christalynn you are not alone! Manageing my finances better was one of my new years resolutions this year and January is not shaping up so well. FI and I still are still financially separate and dont live together. I'm having trouble managing my own money. I've also done spreadsheet budgets and what not, but I just can't seem to stay within them.
I think I will try out Mint.com. If I still can't get a handle on myself, I'll be in line behind you at the financial planners. I can definately see how it helps to be accountable and honest with a stranger about your spending habits. It would probably help you and FI to be on the page as well. Good Luck! I'd love to hear how your appointment goes.
Bunni - I will say that when I used Mint on my own, it was awesome! However with our half combined, half not combined accounting, it really doesn't work for us.
@Christa-
I know it's tough to feel strained financially, I've been there before! These things saved my life in that respect:
1. having my own personal checking account
2. Having a joint account with my FI for bills, the money of which I contribute is directly deposited into this account
3. Having a savings account which, again, the contribution is directly deposited.
It sounds like it might be wise for you two to each have your own checking accounts-if you don't want to spend "your" money on something, but he wants to spend his on it? Then fine, he can do it! It works well for FI and I because we have very different feelings about how small, everyday purchases should look like, be etc.
It also helps to have the bill money and savings money directly deposited into different accounts. Therefore, I don't spend it except for what its purpose is (I don't carry those checks or debit cards around with me unless I know I making a bill payment etc., so there is no temptation to spend the $) That way, I'm just left with what is in my personal checking account to spend the way I see fit.
I know some people are against separate checking accounts, but it really works well for us, and if "somethings not broke, why fix it?" You know?
Good luck, hope this helps, even if just a little.
Vegas - How have you two compromised on big ticket items? Especially ones where the other isn't necessarily in agreement?
@Christa -- I for one think the financial planner sounds like a great investment! I know for us, our wedding budget has become a reflection on how we both spend and handle money -- and it's been a great learning curve for us. Our big thing that we're learning is to always remember that if you spend money on one thing, it means NOT spending it on something else.
Recognizing that in a very concrete way (as we move our wedding budget around on the spreadsheet) has actually made us more aware of how we spend - we'll go out to dinner and one of us will make a comment like, "If we get drinks, we'll skip dessert" (which is silly seeming, because, really, what does the extra $6 to split a piece of chocolate mousse goodness matter? BUT it's the thought behind it and the fact that we're aware of our spending that's important!)
Good job taking action! I hope you guys can make things work and find a way to keep yourselves in check. :) Maybe rewards and consequences?
Hm, good question Christalynn, I need to think about that one for a second. Nothing comes to mind. To be honest, we don't really have many "big ticket" items besides our new home and...probably my engagement ring. We know we want to make some home improvements once we get our tax $ back but we already discussed what/when/ and how we do those.
Any other decisions (big tv, vacations) are not a priority for us right now (well, to be honest, less of a priority for me than to him!) so, we've been holding out on those as well. But, my FI is very responsible with money management (better than me) and has a lot saved up, so if he HAD to buy something big, he would probably just spend his own $ on it.
I'm sorry, I'm sure that doesn't help at all.
We have our own money as well as joint, so if one of us wants to spend $ on something the other doesn't, well we just have to buy it ourselves. This hasn't been necessary on any big ticket items yet. Good luck with sorting it out - it's an important thing to get right before the wedding :)
Here is an update on how our financial planning appointment went...
Essentially, the first half of our meeting was me telling my FI everything I have told him a million times but again, and in front of a neutral third party. This is what we make, this is what we owe, this is what we spend, etc. The planner actually charged us $100 less than we were quoted by phone because as he said "She has a very good handle on balancing a budget." Having the third party in the room meant that FI was less likely to jump in during my talking and disagree (bonus) and we were both very honest about things. We know the guy who we spoke with as he has been doing our taxes for a bit. Basically he said, marriages are made or broken in communication - and coming here and learning to communicate about your money situation is extremely important.
What made it worth the money a million times over was the second half. We were introduced to the "envelope method" which you can google to learn more about - but essentially it is a way to become more accountable for our spending and use cash only for incidentals. We learned that people who use debit cards often spedn much more money than they would if they carried cash, so we decided to attempt the envelope method over a few months and let go of our debit cards.
It was a great decision to go and we both feel better about things now. Proof will be in a couple of months and seeing how this plan works out for us. :)
Okay calm down! It's good that you met with the financial planner but stop talking about throwing your hands up! No one is perfect, everyone pays a bill late here or there or buys something a little out of their means. You two are starting an amazing journey together to start cutting back and following a plan instead of spending willy nilly.
FI and I live below our means, our rent is so low comapared to what we make, we pack lunches to save money and rarely go out. We have a savings plan that we don't always meet, but we try and at least get close every month. It makes us feel good about ourselves.
Good for you guys - it's definitely a positive thing to address whatever issues you feel that you might have money wise NOW rather than later. It's funny about the Envelope thing - my nana has been on at me about that for YEARS!!!! It's how she managed her and my pa's budget 40 years ago!!!
Wow, that's a big honest post. Good for you. Lots of people get into trouble with their money and being honest with yourself will get you back on track.
A few personal finance blogs that I happen to think are great:
getrichslowly.org
gailvazoxlade.com/blog
thesimpledollar.com
There's lots of other good ones out there, but I think these ones really address the things that are of interest to you. A great place to start would be with Get Rich Slowly's series on the 15 (?) Tenants of Personal Finance.
Best of luck! Sounds like you're going to get it all under control.
Thank you for being so open and honest. This is truly an eye opening thread.
To those who thanked me - You're welcome. It was not an easy thing to write OR to be that open and honest about. Frankly, the whole thing is pretty embarassing. We did the right thing by getting on track now (in my opinion) and are already feeling better about our finances just a week later.
I think what was even harder is that I do feel like there are people out there just like us - making financial choices that may not be the best choices, slurging spur-of-the-moment, or living beyond their means - and instead of getting supported, I feel like a lot of the feedback I got was really critical in a non-helpful way. So for those of you who ARE out there and saw even a little of yourself in all of this, I appreciate that you took the time to read it and respond.
I think it's GREAT that you (you & FI) recognized that you needed professional help in an area that is NOT easy to compromise in (especially as it often leads to divorce!). From your post about your FP meeting, it sounds like you both have a better handle on the situation. If it doesn't sound too pompous: Congratulations on learning to communicate about money. I, personally, think that the communication is REALLY the key to financial success in a marriage. (Granted, we are not yet married...)
About 5 years ago, FI & I had to deal with that "financial communication" situation after living together for a few years & we realized that I did NOT manage my money well. As a person who perhaps evolved from your FI's point of view, great job in encouraging him to be better about finances, & PLEASE, be mindful before jumping to any conclusions that he is not learning/cooperating/starts lapsing. I'm not implying that you are (or if you have that I'm not implying that it was not justified), I'm just requesting, from a converted spend-thrift-now-excellent-budgeter, that you be incredibly patient with him. Just as I had to learn that I should not spend "willy-nilly", FI had to learn that not every expense was "unnecessary". Some expenses make you a better person or help maintain professional confidence & are therefore, really, investments. (of course, these "investments" must ALSO be WITHIN your budget) Just a "keep that in mind" tip - feel free to take it or leave it.
Just as it helps people who are dieting to ask themselves: "Do I want that doughnut if it means another 45 minutes on the elliptical trainer?" it helps people who are struggling with finances to think about the real cost of purchases (especially if you buy on credit and pay finance charges). Sometimes you just have to admit you can have STUFF or you can have PEACE OF MIND but maybe not both. There's an awful lot of STUFF involved in our lives that we don't need. And we certainly don't need to go out and buy MORE STUFF if we already have a lot. I'm a mom of a bride, so I'm old - old enought that my dad grew up in the depression and he taught me never to be in debt. It's a great stress-reducer.
Thanks so much for writing this post!! So many people think that the FIY is the only way, but obviously having a professional there really helped you! That is something that is hard for my DH to understand. I had alarm bells go off last month, and decided to make a spreadsheet detailing where ALL of our money was going. Not a budget (telling me what I can spend) but just like a wake up call of where our money is going. I was surprised once I filled it all in! I couldn't believe we spent so much in certain areas. Glad to see you have worked out a plan. My mom used the envelope method for YEARS and it really works (as long as you keep your debit cards AT HOME, lol). Again, thanks for posting this!
Same here! My FI is hopeless, he used to ear huge bonuses and so money was no object to him, unfortunately although he is no longer at that job he is still in that way of thinking.
We used to argue about this like crazy, he would squander all our money, I seriously do not know where it all went. Well I put my foot down, took his card off him and give him $200 spending money per week. This is just disposable income which he can spend on his personal shopping, going out, socialising and cigarettes (hopefully this will also get him to reduce the amount he smokes as he can spend his money on other things)
He used to spend so much shouting everyone drinks, stopping at the bakery, buying coffees and always had to have money in his wallet (which i think is a bad move as you always spend it)
Now we don't have to panic everytime a bill comes in and I don't have to panic everytime I sipe the card in the supermarket. If he wants to make an extravagant purchase, like a guitar etc, we have the money there to do it - it so less stressful!
I pay now pay all the bills and we are managing to save $2000 per month.
Ms. Pascua - I completely agree. We actually both spend without thinking - the difference being that once we were really trying to plan towards something, it became really obvious. I don't bust him too badly - I just ask him usually if he feels like it was "worth it" - and he has begun to ask me that same thing. It keeps us accountable, for sure.
ChristaLynn:
Thanks so much for sharing this candid account of your journey to merging finances. Admittedly, I think DH and I see this as such a hurdle that we have yet to merge our finances! We have been married for over a year and still live pretty much the same way we did when we were dating and living together. Part of me thinks, "Hey, it works. Why change it." We have separate checking accounts and a joint savings account. Honestly, I cannot even imagine sharing a checking account and trying to communicate to him every purchase I make to make sure we have no overdrafts. On the other hand, sometimes I think it would be nice to not play the "Who's paying for this...?" game
Fortunately we don't have a lot of fighting or arguments about it - but I have this bad feeling that all of this could lead to resentment. And I never want that. Ever.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| kate02121 | 12 |
| ndreighton | 11 |
| rivierabridal | 6 |
| ladyartichoke | 5 |
| cbeyelia | 5 |
| ozpeony | 4 |
| takemyhand | 4 |
| ohmystars28 | 4 |
| bonkeyball3 | 4 |
| dressamore | 4 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Rivendeler | 1 |
| rivierabridal | 1 |
Earlier today, I wrote a giant post whining on and on about my financial situation and basically how "woe is me" I'm canceling our wedding due to money.
And I pressed "submit"
And I got an error message.
And my post got deleted.
Maybe it was cathartic to write, but no one needed to read that. My computer blessed me with such a deletion in order to slap me back into reality. I didn't need to ask the Hive if I needed to meet with a financial planner - I really just needed to call one and make an appointment. Cough up the couple hundy and go for it...
So I did just that. My FI and I have had a rough financial year. I was commited to getting married this year for many reasons - but more than anything I'm just ready to be MARRIED to the love of my life. I want a wedding, no doubt - but with our finances yesterday falling into an all-time catastrophe, it was jsut the wake up call that I needed.
So in my Oprah moment of the day - here is what I know for sure:
1) We bought our house too quickly. Now, there is nothing that we can or want to do about that, but the truth is that we should have done the financial planning professionally before we made the biggest purchase of our lives. We were not emotionally or financially prepared, and it's lead to many fights in the last two years. So here we are with this amazing house that we love - and living paycheck to paycheck.
2) And yet, we are not actually house-poor. Unlike a lot of my friends, we bougth a smaller house in a far out suburb for a reasonable price, after the fall of the market. We can easily afford our place (thus, not house-poor) but we...
3) Live WAY beyond our means. Both my FI and I spend money like its going out of style. While we both spend it in different ways, neither of us really do a lot of thinking before we whip out the debit card.
4) We do not have a budget - or any clue how to manage our finances. The oil needs changed? Go to Jiffy Lube on the way home. Don't like the shirt you're wearing? Run by the store and buy a new one (I cannto believe I jsut admitted that I do that!) We do not balance a checkbook, we do not pay bills on time, the list goes on and on... We pay hundreds (possibly thousands) of dollars in fees, parking tickets, coffees and snacks a year due to our lack of planning.
And last?
5) We do not want to enter our marriage with our finances in chaos. 'Nuff said.
Frankly, in my rush to the altar I was trying very hard to overlook the fact that we probably can't pull off even our tiny, $6k wedding in 9 months. I've been engaged less than one month, and I already feel like throwing my hands in the air and calling the whole darn thing off (including when yesterday, I was actually considering returning my ring for financial reasons). We know we love each other and want to be married - but getting there shouldn't be THIS hard.
So has anyone else been through the budgeting with a professional? How have you handled combining finances?
And has anyone called off an actual wedding that was in full planning mode effect and done something drastically different?