Wait is Almost Over

posted 1 month ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee

I know this is a really unpopular opinion on here, but if you are planning to get married then you are already engaged… “It’s not official until I have that ring” and “Not until he gets down on one knee and/or says it publicly” carry no weight. The definition of “engaged” is “Having formerly agreed to marry.” Nothing about a ring, bending on one knee, or public announcements there. It’s not the “romantic” view of it, but you’re basically already engaged. Congrats!

Post # 3
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

knotyet, I’m very happy too hear that, but also understand that some of us like me have waited longer than a year, my case 2 1/2 years and others long like 7 years. So, congratulations to you, but try not too rub into the other bees faces who still are waiting. I’m sorry if it sounds rude, I’m just trying too protect you now. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I think people haven’t replied because they’re like “wow….isn’t she lucky!!” I know I feel that way!! That being said,  you have every right to feel how you feel about your own situation and life so no shame. Congratulations!!!! I’m sure everything will come together nicely.

Post # 5
Member
4929 posts
Honey bee

I don’t think OP is intending to rub anyone’s face in it at all, the waiting board is for everyone to vent, just because she has had it “easy£ compared to some it doesn’t mean that this time is dragging any less for her! She is allowed to be excited. Bee, I hope that the proposal comes soon! But, congratulations on finding someone so on the same page as you!

Post # 7
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

knotyet :  Nothing at all “rude” (favorite and most overused word on this site) but why on earth hold HE, Prince Charming that he most likely is, dictate how and when and under what circumstances you are engaged? 

When preparing to be a TEAM, (’till death does You part) you are equally entitled to making the decisions concerning your mutual future, and the cute, coy, surprise is grossly overrated.

“Waiting” is not a legal entity, and “surprise” isn’t either. “Marriage” is. Blessings!

Post # 8
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

I imagine you are having a harder time waiting now because the anticipation has been building up to this point and now you’re just waiting for the one final gesture before the “official” engagement sets in. There is nothing wrong with you. Congrats on how well everything is going. 

And speaking for a 6 year waiter I didn’t feel you were bragging at all. I always feel happy when people get engaged or have entered the final stretch of the waiting period. We are not in a competition wink

 

Post # 9
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

I’m confused as to why people are giving OP a hard time about the fact that they, as a couple, have decided not to consider themselves “offically” engaged until the proposal. This is the traditional way things are done in the US. Maybe it’s patriarchal… but I consider myself a feminist and I still like the idea of my guy getting down on one knee and popping the question. I’ve talked about marriage with him and we’re on the same page and deciding to get married is OUR decision, but the proposal is important to him, and I’m happy to go along with that. The OP has said that’s the case for her and her guy and they’re both on board with it. Just because she’s happy with the way things are progressing doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to feel some anxiety around it! It’s a big, exciting time filled with lots of emotions. 

Post # 10
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

browneyedgirl24 :  It’s because OP and her SO are actively planning a wedding. Once you get to that point, you are engaged to be married whether someone has gotten down on one knee or not. OP has a date set and they have already booked part of the wedding–their honeymoon. An engagement is just an agreement to get married, and clearly they have agreed to get married if they are in the planning process. Once two people start planning for real, you are engaged according to most people.

Having said that, people are allowed to think what they want, so if OP and her SO want to think that they are not engaged by the definition they have come up with then that’s up to them. But that’s not the same definition as many other people’s, so of course people are going to say that they don’t agree.

knotyet :  I hope you get the proposal that you are looking for soon! It’s good that you and your SO are on the same page. That’s the important thing.

Post # 12
Member
846 posts
Busy bee

Ugh I get so annoyed every time the rude commenters trot out their “Congrats, you’re ALREADY engaged – and you didn’t even know it!” lines. 

How about you let the couple themselves determine when they are and are not engaged??? 

Thunderbuns, you quoted the definition yourself – they have not FORMALLY (not formerly) agreed to marry.

They have discussed it, planned toward it, etc., but nothing formal has happened. Humans use/create rituals to mark milestones for a reason – they create a decisive break in the transition from one state to another.

Having a discussion is not a ritual. Some people may not need the ritual, and that’s fine for THEM. But others DO, and that’s also fine. 

Stop invalidating how others choose to go about getting engaged.

Also, how entirely small-minded to reply to someone’s excited post with a slapdown not to “rub their happiness” in others’ faces. If you are SO offended by someone else being happy, that sounds like a personal problem that you should probably be in therapy for. That is not normal.

As for the OP: Congratularions – I’m happy for you. I’m sure the waiting is getting harder the closer things get… All I can say is try to distract yourself and stay very busy. 

SO and I have gone about our path to engagement in a very similar fashion: I wanted to be involved during the planning stage, and he wants to do a “real” proposal. I have no problem letting him do his thing when the time comes. I’m fairly certain he’ll do it within a week or two of when we get the ring, so it’s not like it’s going to be some terrible, oppressive, misogynistic thing. I’m a feminist, and it’s something we both want. We also are choosing not to do any planning before things are formal and official, even though (unlike y’all) all our friends, family, and coworkers already know our plans. 

Post # 13
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think others are just reacting to the fact that you know much more than most waiting bees so you’re lucky (and they just wish they were in your shoes)! I think it’s so nice that you and your future fiancé can collaborate on this important decision in both of your lives. Good luck with the rest of the waiting period. Sounds like it’s coming soon. In the meantime, Pinterest could be a fun distraction if you want to create a secret board and have a little fun thinking about the wedding ahead of time! That helped me a lot hehe. 

Post # 14
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

knotyet :  I was trying to explain to a PP’s confusion, and I had read in a thread yesterday that you had set a date with your SO plus in the OP you said you booked your honeymoon. That’s what I was going off of for my explanation.

Bottom line: people on the internet will always have opinions and that is fine, but only you know what the true nature of your relationship is, and as long as you are happy and on the same page, that’s what matters. I honestly wish you well.

Post # 15
Member
44 posts
Newbee

knotyet :  Congratulations!

duchessgummybunns :   You are taking this definition of engagement thing entirely too seriously, no one means it in a bad way, and honestly not buying into the materialism of an engagement of “you need a ring” is refreshing to me. But, you also need to realize that just like you are allowed to express your opinion on this forum, so is everyone else.

No one is invalidating anyone else’s engagement. The definition of invalidate is to disprove something, which is the exact opposite of someone being like, “well I think you’re engaged if you’re planning, congrats btw!”

Invalidating the way someone gets engaged would mean that someone would come on here and be like, “btw guys I’m engaged” and then another poster says “I don’t think you’re engaged because x.”

That is NOT what is happening here. In fact, people are actually validating other ways to get engaged than “he got down on one knee.” No one said that the way in which OP wants to get engaged is not valid or that they shouldn’t go through with their plan.

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