(Closed) Wait or Walk

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I totally agree with you..Why shouldnt you have the ring of your dreams if you have been his wish fairy he should be yours. I agree if he is not serious and you have a specific timeframe then you should leave and find someone else that is on the same page you are.

Tell him how you feel and what you are expecting and go from there.

 

BIG HUG

Post # 4
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

@withloveandrea:  he wants an ipad and all that stuff from you? Sounds likes a diva to me.

I say walk. You deserve someone better.

Post # 5
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

He does not sound like someone who would be good husband material in my opinion (constantly asking for expensive gifts…) I think you can do better.  I vote walk!

Post # 6
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It sounds like he’s not ready to make a plan or take action on it. I think your expectations of him may be a bit out of touch with reality. Dude is 24 years old and still in school. He may not be ready to do the whole settle down, put others needs and wants before my own, be a good life partner thing just yet. Just because you have had a few more years to grow as a person and become more settled, that doesn’t mean that he should be rushed through that stage just to meet your timeline.

This may be an issue of age and maturity that you will either have to wait out for a while longer or walk away from if you simply don’t want to put your marriage goals on hold. FWIW, there is NOTHING wrong with searching your heart and soul, and then deciding that you don’t want to wait around. If you have certain goals, and your relationship no longer fits with those goals, it’s okay to part ways. It’s okay to say, “I love you, but this is no longer the right relationship for me to be in. I wish you all the best. Goodbye.”

Post # 7
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but it sounds like he is taking advantage of you – asking you for expensive gifts, depending on you to plan and save for your future. I get that all relationships are different, but it sounds a little one sided in your situation, at least from what you have posted here.

You sound like a smart, strong, woman that any guy would be LUCKY to have. You deserve someone who has the same goals as you!

Post # 8
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Last year he asked for an iPad, an HDTV, and a professional DSLR camera. All of that is well over $1400

His not proposing doesn’t really surprise me–it doesn’t sound like he wants a wife. It sounds like he wants a sugar mama.
 
I don’t think I could be with someone who expected fancy gifts like that whether or not he proposed to me, honestly. That sort of selfishness and immaturity don’t speak well of his ability to be a good father in the future.

Post # 10
Member
2273 posts
Buzzing bee

Having been in two long distance relationships, I have to say I really don’t like them.

 

That being said, do you want to marry a man who might go off to join the Marines? And when he comes back you may have to move on a whime to wherever he is stationed.  A friends’ daughter is having to deal with this right now, and I think she is on the verge of divorce.  She is a homebody and doesnt want to live in Japan, Germany etc. etc.

 

How do you feel about that?

 

Also I wouldn’t be pleased that he asks for expensive gifts. That seems rude. As for the price of your ring, yeah I agree its not much, but some mens prorities are different.

Post # 11
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

He sounds like a user to me.  I say talk to him, give him an  ultimatum, see what he says, go from there. You’ll have your answer to walk or stay.

Post # 13
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I haven’t heard the word “love” here at all.  Do you love this man?  Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

 

You should never settle for someone– you’re too young for that.  If you have real grievances or frutrations with the relationship, end it now and move on.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@withloveandrea:  His dad is over 50 and still worries like crazy about trying to provide for his 5 adult children – which is weird. 

Wait so… he’s got you taking care of him… and his DAD is still taking care of him… and he’s 24? When is this guy gonna grow up and provide for HIMSELF? 

I hate to echo the PPs, but it really does sound like this guy just wants a sugar mama. :/ I can’t even FATHOM ever asking ANYONE for a $1400 birthday present. That actually seems like kind of an obscene amount of money to spend on something that happens every single year…

Post # 16
Member
2573 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@withloveandrea:  Sadly, I have to agree with the majority of the PPs. I say “Walk.” No offense to your SO – I am sure he is a nice guy – but he seems like he is all over the place right now, which is totally fine at 24. “Maybe I’ll enlist in the Marines! Oh wait, gotta finish school first!” etc.. However, the last thing someone all over the place with their life goals needs is a serious relationship. You on the other hand seem like you are ready and want a serious relationship, hence I think that you two are on different pages at the moment. Do you really want to wait and take the gamble that yes, he may mature up a little bit and finally be ready? There is a chance that he may never catch up to where you are – are you willing to take the chance of that happening? You are 27 – you have quite a few “fun” dating years ahead of you. If you walk, you will be fine. Obviously, it’s ultimately your choice, but if I were in your shoes, I would walk.

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