Wait until after RSVP date?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I would not call before the RSVP date – that would be rude.  You still have plenty of time to do the seating chart.  My RSVP date was a less than a week before the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think you’re right!  My FMIL is getting on my nerves about this too…she is trying to get RSVPs for the rehearsal dinner, which are due August 31.  She’s been up my butt trying to get my brother to RSVP, but he’s been interviewing for a new job and wanted to start first before requesting off.  My brother and mom were kind of peeved, since my FMIL is hounding us even though they have until August 31!

I guess you can do preliminary charts, but I have a feeling people are going to wait until the very last minute, so why bother starting before the RSVP?  Others may have a different opinion, though.

Post # 5
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t know what is “right” but, I am planning to email in the middle of August (for a 9/28 date).  I totally messed up and forgot to put a RSVP by date!  I am going to use the hotel block closing 2 weeks later as the main reason for the email, since everyone will need one (we are getting married about 3 hours outside of DC, none of the guests live there).  Essentially, booking a hotel room is also RSVP’ing in my eyes, since if they have a hotel I know they are coming!

Post # 7
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Daizy914; You are correct! I started politely texting people about a week before the date as a reminder to send it in (especially the people I know who are forgetful). I also started the seating chart a little bit ahead of time knowing I would need to make adjustments.

Unfortunately I think moms are just uptight about that sorta thing. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would wait until the RSVP date and then start calling people.   If people were still telling me they weren’t sure I would just tell them that we have to put them as a no.

Cutthroat but I’m sorry – most of the time they aren’t sure because they are waiting for something better to come up.  Not all of the time though.   There is an RSVP date for a reason – I’ve always respected that.  

Post # 9
Member
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Daizy914:  i’m going to wait until 3 days after the RSVP date, because it would allow time for the furthest-away guest to have gotten theirs in the mail and to us if they posted it on the RSVP date itself.

in theory, you can start calling on the RSVP date, but its possible a household or two might have put theirs in the mail at the very last possible second and youll get “oh we just put it in the mail yesterday”

Post # 10
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

You need to just tell your mom that you won’t be calling people until after the RSVP date passes. If you do so before I guarantee that your guests will be annoyed and find it very rude. 

Post # 11
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

We’ll have a blog, so 1 week from due date we’ll simply put a reminder on our blog (for eveyone to see, including those who already sent theirs). I’ll start calling 1 week after the RSVP date (the rsvp date will be 6 weeks before wedding, and I’m allowing another 2 weeks for late answers. 4 weeks from the wedding I will consider my answers final). 

Since we’re getting married in January I want to have my answers before the Holidays, because it is a very busy time of the year for everybody. 🙂

 

 

 

 

Post # 12
Hostess
22135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

I absolutely wouldn’t start calling people until the RSVP deadline has passed. Until that date, their responses technically aren’t late! I know it’s tough to convey that to your mom, but just try to stay patient with her and with the process. Also…you’ll likely receive a TON of responses right before the deadline!

Post # 13
Member
298 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would wait a couple days after the RSVP date. My RSVP date was Friday July 19. Between that Friday and the next Wednesday I got 8-10 more in the mail. Weds night I started texting and emailing people We need to get our final numbers to the caterer by Aug 9. If I don’t hear from anyone by Aug 7 they are a no.

Post # 14
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

@Daizy914:  Right.  You picked the date, and need to honour it.

I would be ticked if someone called to see why I hadn’t RSVP’d when I was still within the timeline.

Post # 15
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

For sure wait!  I would say if they are your friends you can maybe casually say you are waiting for their RSVP and are excited to get it!  That may be a nice subtle reminder for them.  I would not contact anyone that you dont talk with regularly before the rsvp date though.

Post # 16
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee

Guests who are sticklers for good manners will have sat themselves down and written you a hand-written note of acceptance or regrets the same day that they received the invitation. R.s.v.p. dates are indeed there for a reason — to provide a sense of urgency for procrastinators who cannot accomplish anything without a deadline — but they are not contract terms as part of a business arrangement. These people are your friends and family. You are allowed to talk to them, as often as you want, about any subject that is proper. And your upcoming wedding is proper: it is in fact a matter of some interest.

In fact, weddings are not supposed to be your “one big event” in an otherwise deserted social landscape. Having big social events only makes sense if you are generally maintaining some sort of social life to give the event context. Social discourse — meeting for coffee or taking afternoon tea together, exchanging tweets or writing friendly letters, visiting at the home of mutual friends or hanging out in the same chat room — these things are social duties every bit as much as figuring out whether or not you need inner envelopes. And in the course of such ordinary conversation you drop in a comment or two along the lines of “We’re busin trying to decide on centrepieces — I am getting so excited about this wedding! Do you know yet whether you will be able to come? I am so looking forward to seeing you there!” The secret is to drop it into a casual conversation so that it doesn’t appear to be nagging, even if you have to deliberately set up the casual conversation for expressly the purpose of dropping an oblique reminder to reply.

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