(Closed) Waited…waited some more….and more…still waiting!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Sigh… ((HUGS)) no advice at all because I’m going through it as well.  Just know that you aren’t alone.

Post # 5
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I feel your pain girlfriend. This was almost my exact situation and I waited from about month 7 to 2 1/2 years as well and watched all of my guy’s closest cousins/sister get engaged before me. We’d even decided on when we’d get married–but no ring. Part of his hang up was getting to be really ready(what the heck right? Don’t talk about getting married till you want to get married!) and part of it was trying to put together the perfect ring. In the end, he did propose and we had a shorter engagement. I worried about having enough time to plan but it worked out really well this way.

Keep your chin up! I really think this is one of the hardest times of dating but it’s worth it! I wish I’d seen this Waiting board back then cause it really would have helped keep me sane. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

UMM how can he say that you keep talking about it when HE keeps bringing it up? You need to put your foot down and tell him no more remarks at all, just buy the damn ring and get it over with already!  Seriously, he needs to know that by doing what he’s doing its only making things worse for you.  Guys do not think they way we do, so you really need to let him know how this makes you feel

Post # 8
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree, maybe ask him nicely to not bring rings/your wedding/etc up again until he’s literally ready to go buy a ring. 

Personally, I had to do this w/ my FI after he would bring up that we should go ring shopping, then the day/time would come to go shop, and he’d flake out… this happened a few times.  I let him know I don’t want to hear about it again until he was really ready to do something.  About 3 weeks later (with no talk about it from either end) he let me know he was ready and we ordered my ring together, and he proposed the day after it was delivered. 

I completely understand how aggrivating it is for him to keep raising the subject but you aren’t allowed to take him seriously or hold him to what he says?!? wtf  He needs to stop talking about it until he means what he says.

Your man is making ME mad LOL!  Saying you are ruining something that should be special… how about HE’S ruining something that should be special by dangling it in front of you and yanking it away for like almost 2 years. 

Post # 10
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would definitely sit down and talk to him and tell him you want it to happen, but the next time he should bring it up is when he has a ring.  The best thing that for you is to find something else to do with your time, so that you are not thinking about it every second, (even though you probably still will, if you are like me!)  Good luck, and stick around the boards 🙂

Post # 11
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Yep, I had that conversation with my fiance several times. Where I told him I do not want him to bring up getting married until he going to propose and I didn’t want to look at rings anymore unless he was serious. We had looked at rings four separate times many months before the proposal. First time after trying on rings, he said it was to talk business with the jeweler, who was a friend. I got all excited and then wayy not when he told me that. The second time was the same jeweler and afterward he covered by saying we were just distracting while his friend bought an e-ring. Which he did, but my fiance actually bought a diamond from the guy the next day. The next time was when I had had it and i told him I didn’t want to talk about a wedding or look at rings anymore unless he was serious… and ten minutes later we were at Zales. ugh lol! The last time i about snapped because we went with his friend to choose a ring for his future fiance at the guys request…. and *I* had to try on rings for them. This ended up being a cover for my fiance to triple check what size I was but i was PISSED! 2 weeks later though was when he proposed. THANK GOD!

 

Definitely tell him to quit talking about it. I think that really helped my guy realize I was serious about it and it was really hurting me.

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hi Worried – your story sounds very similar to my previous situation. My FI (BF at the time) would bring up marriage and ask me what kind of ring I wanted, talk about our future, etc. but would get mad and clam up if I asked him anything. It wasn’t fair, it was totally one-sided. He was allowed to bring it up anytime, but if I said anything I was ‘tainting’ the surpirse (yes, he used those exact words!).

Finally, I had a heart-to-heart with myself and asked what was really important. Even though I loved him as much as I did, would I really want to stay with him much longer if this kept up? I agreed with myself on a timeline that made sense to me and I felt applied to our relationship. I just couldn’t go for much longer wanting to marry him so bad, but being in this weird limbo where marriage was a forbidden subject for me, but he could keep stringing me along with the excuse of debts (yes his same excuse!), etc.

So I told him my timeline. And I had to do it gently, because i knew he would be mad and offended. Which he was. But I didn’t back down because I was serious that even though I wanted to marry him, I didn’t want a future with him if he was allowed to continue being uncommittal and flighty. After a few months of back and forth (he didn’t take me seriously at first, thought it would just go away), he finally realized I wasn’t kidding when I asked him to move out and about two weeks later I had a ring. It was a beautiful proposal too, no shameful shoving a ring at me. And today he thanks me for being so assertive, he is very excited to get married. It’s just a very hard decision!

So I recommend asking yourself what is most important and staying true to your feelings. If he love you, he will respect whatever your decision is. Even if that is forbidding him to talk about marriage until he is proposing if you aren’t comfortable giving him a timeline.

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

hi worried! i know what a struggle it is to try not to talk about it… but i definitely think everyone’s advice is great, tell him honestly how upsetting it is for you and ask him not to talk about getting married until he’s ready to do the darn thing!

Post # 14
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

Aww, honey, know that you are not alone! Cam and I have freaking set a date  – and I still don’t have a ring. It’s frustrating, I know! But at this point I would advise seriously telling him how much it bothers you that he’s kinda pulling you around, ya know? I talked to Cam about that … and he stopped bringing it up for the most part. It’ll come, and soon, I can feel it!

Post # 15
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Worriedbee I feel for you girl. My advice the next time he starts bringing up wedding or engagement issues just flat out tell him that he is baiting you! Tell him if he wants you to not ask about getting married then he needs to stop bringing up the subject.

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