Post # 1
Hey everyone I have a question.
Im 20 and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years… Everytime the talk of being engaged is brought up he gets all mad and shuts down. I understand we’re young but I really want him to at least be thinking about it. I know he loves me and would want to marry me i just dont want him to get too comfortable and think that ill wait another 10 years for him to enready. We have been through rough times dealing with a long distance relationship. It’s tough but I also mentioned that I’m willing to move where he is living so our relationship wont have such a strain. He seems excited but i don’t know I’m still not convinced. I just don’t want to wait another 3 years to be engaged. Help!!!!!! How do I get him to open up?!
Post # 3
I’m sure there’s someone out there with advice more helpful than mine, but I see no one has replied yet, so I’ll throw in my two cents and hope your question gets bumped up a little so someone more experienced and wiser than me can answer, too 🙂
Honestly, I don’t think you can *make* him open up. How and when have you raised the topic of marriage? Have they been situations where he was thrown off guard or didn’t think you were serious? I’d try to let him know that you want to talk seriously about the possibility of marriage in the future, and see what he has to say about that before you dive into the conversation. That will at least give him a chance to voice his opinion, or let him decide what he wants to say if his response is that you’ll have to schedule the conversation for another time. If he doesn’t want to talk though, I think it’s fair to tell him that you need to have this conversation at some point in time and would like to schedule it; it’s not fair to either of you if he doesn’t know what your expectations are, and if you don’t get to tell him what you want from him. If he adamantly refuses to talk about it even after you’ve approached it very seriously and non-aggressively… then I don’t know what to say. He might just not be ready to think about marriage. Is he 20, too? That is pretty young for most people to be thinking of marriage, especially guys; he may love you to the moon and back but not be able to committ to marriage before he has some of his ducks in a row.
Post # 4
I think you need to have an honest discussion with yourself about what your personal time line is. It’s important for you to know exactly where you stand. Figure out how long, precisely, you ARE willing to wait around for him to talk to you about engagement. I think you need to figure out what you want before you go to him with this because you’ll need to have a mature, calm discussion about what you want for your future with him.
To be honest I think you should focus more on the moving out there aspect of this difficult situation so that you can both have each other around and build your relationship back up. Maybe when you are around more, physically, he will start thinking more sincerely about the future.
Post # 5
I know this is a really frustrating situation, and I totally know where you are coming from because I am 22 and have been with my SO for 6 years and we aren’t engaged yet. For us it was more the fact that we wanted to go to school and figure out our own lives before we got married rather than one of us not being ready. I dont know your SO so I cant say if it would help, but I would just sit him down and have a real conversation about it, don’t give an ultimatum or put it all on him but find out where he is at, and share your feelings about the situation. If you have a strong and mature relationship (which it sounds like you do) you should be able to at least talk about the future and where you both think you’re headed. I know that you don’t want to wait around for ten years for him to be ready, but keep in mind that you’re still young and that waiting longer isn’t a bad thing and if he’s truly the guy for you then it will be worth the wait no matter how long it is. Good luck with everyting and I hope it all goes well!
Post # 6
Thank you guys so much. Honestly your advice has helped a lot! It got me to realize maybe it’s an ‘out of sight out of mind’ thing. Maybe since I’m not there and around him all the time there would be no way to expect him to even think about it. Thanks again<333
Post # 7
this sounds familiar, my bf does this too, but he is gettig better. Ive been with my bf for 5 1/2 years, lived together for 2 and i am 20. I also did long distance for a year, but moved back home as i missed him and my family a lot ( i was only 16 at the time) But over time he is getting better about talking about it, He doesnt love ttalking abuot it but he will answer questions now and again. Its a fine line not to ‘nag’ him but also find out what he wants. I would maybe just ask him what he wants from the relationship, if he would want you to move in or closer to him maybe ? and see what his reaction is to this. try not to make him feel preasured into it but maybe let him know that all you want to know is what he is thinking and what he wants to happen. Maybe this isnt the way to go, but this is what i have been trying to tel my bf.