Post # 1
So I’m new to this,but I’m so thankful i now have a place to vent to people who understand! I have been with my boyfriend for over two years, we have lived in our own house for a year and a half, and we have been friends since we were freshman in high school! He knows i want to be engaged but, still nothing. I’ve been getting so depressed. I feel like EVERYONE i know is engaged! And i mean everyone! And to make matters worse my boyfriends brother just proposed to his girlfriend…so at family gatherings that’s all i hear about. I hate to be so jealous but i wish it was me. My boyfriend said our main priority right now should be making more money and getting a bigger house :/ but i can’t stop obsessing over weddings/wanting to be engaged. I dont know what to do…
Post # 3
@jessica_nicole91: I can kinda understand a need to make more money but why do you need a bigger house before getting engaged?
Post # 4
@MrsWe: I don’t know. :/ We both dont like where we live right now and want a bigger house. So he says right now that’s what we should be putting our money into. But i wouldn’t mind being engaged and still living here.
Post # 5
@jessica_nicole91: A bigger house. More money. What do these two have in common? They are very arbitrary and hard to measure. Hence, I think you need to be honest with your SO and tell him how you feel about this otherwise he may just keep stalling. Hopefully by being honest, you can get some kind of timeline that isn’t so vague – I mean, what does “more money” mean exactly? Will a raise suffice or does it require a promotion or even a career change? Same with bigger house. The fact that you are given such arbitrary standards/measures of when he will be “ready” for engagement definitely makes it necessary for you to talk to him honestly.
Seriously, even a “Where are we going?” talk should suffice and hopefully open doors to a timeline. You didn’t say your age, but that’s irrelevant – you’ve been together for two years. It’s not too early for a serious “Where are we going” talk. If he freaks out/bails/etc., then unfortunately, he wasn’t the guy for you.
Waiting is annoying – I totally hear you – but for the time being, do the following:
1. Make non-SO plans every weekend. Seriously. It is so refreshing to hang out with the girls or family or what have you every now and then. Especially since you live with your SO!
2. Take care of yourself and your goals. Think about what your SO said should be priorities. Are they YOUR priorities. Ok, you said you wanted bigger house, so that usually takes more money, hence focus on getting that raise, promotion, career change, etc..
3. Do something YOU enjoy weekly. Whether it be reading, working out, watching your favorite shows, whatever – focus on YOU.
Seriously, I’m waiting too, and I do all 3 above consistently, and it definitely keeps my mind off it! 🙂
Post # 6
@MrsNewDay: Thank you! That’s good advice
Post # 7
@jessica_nicole91: I can understand a guy wanting to make more money before getting engaged. The ring is the first big expense, but the cost of wedding can be much more intimidating. If he has a so-so job and would like something more stable with benefits before taking the plunge and making that big purchase, that seems reasonable to me. As far as the house, I kind of get that logic as our place is so tiny that we always feel like we and the 2 dogs are on top of each other. If my SO said he wanted to get us settled in a bigger place before buying a ring, that, too, would seem fair to me.
…now if he’s making 80k+ a year and y’all have some 6-8 bedroom house and he’s using “more money/bigger house” as a reason, *then* I may be suspicious. But if he just wants to get y’all established before spending money on a ring and a wedding, I think it’s fair to hear him out on his rationale.
Post # 8
I think it would be fair for you to have a discussion about it and for him to give you a timeline. It doesn’t have to be tomorow but I think you have the right to know where he stands, is he thinking about an engagement in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? You need to know where you stand and what to expect.
Can I ask how old you guys are? I think if you’re in your early 20’s him wanting to wait would be more undrestandable then say in your 30’s. also I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable buying a house without a person who I am not even engaged to yet. If you break up down the road may cause alot of headache.
Definatly talk to him about it before you make any big purchases.
Post # 9
@badabing88: Yea he doesn’t make 80,000 a year, and yes i mean i do understand his reasoning about money and the house..but on the other hand i see people who aren’t that well off yet, they get engaged and married, and then the money and better house come later on. I wouldn’t mind that.
@Starshine32: Yes we are in our early 20s
Thanks for all the advice everyone! Also i forgot to add that he tells me we are going to wait for more money, house, etc etc..then he tells me “well and even if i was about to propose right now or had plans to,I’m not going to tell you” which just leaves more hope that drives me crazy!! And I’ve had timeline talks and i get the “when the time comes it will happen”
Post # 10
@jessica_nicole91: sorry he is making you wait all this time. Hopefully he realizes soon and pops the question. I was with DH for 5 years before we moved bought our home and moved in and were living together for a whole year when he surprised me with a ring. I was just like you, always wondering when my time would come and what the hell was he waiting for. We are the last couple in our cicle of friends and family that got married, so you can just imagine how long i was waiting too ,which sucks…belive me, girl, I know!!!
FX it happens sooner than you can expect!!!!!!!!;))))))))
Post # 11
@jessica_nicole91: “when the time comes it will happen”
This would not be okay to me and I would need something more specific. Now if it doesn’t bother you then good, but if you want a better answer you need to ask for one.
Post # 12
@jessica_nicole91: have you talked to him about it? Maybe he is worried that the wedding would be reaaaallly expensive and put you way behind on the plan of getting another house. Maybe you coud talk to him and sugest getting engaged and them, when you get a bigger house, get married; or marry in a little ceremony so it’s not so expensive.