Waiting…?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2010 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@HeatherD16:  Time invested in a relationship is not the only bearing on whether someone feels they are ready for marriage.  Its a very subjective topic and unfortunately I think you might get a lot of crap for this topic.

Post # 5
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Prepare to get flamed…LOL. This thread will self destruct in 5…4…3…2…

Post # 6
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Do you have a question or topic you are trying to discuss, or are you just trying to make girls feel bad that are ready and waiting for engagement and dating under 5 years (a time frame YOU came up with as an acceptable amount of time to be dating before you start pushing for marriage)?

 

Do you really think it’s as black and white as how you just made it out to be?

Post # 8
Member
1241 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@HeatherD16:  I wrote an earlier response but erased it.

The reason behind the wait is going to vary from person to person. I’ve been waiting since he bought the ring. A lot of people don’t understand why he bought it if he wasn’t ready to propose right then and there…me either, but I also know that’s how he does things sometimes. Mine tends to take a good long while to make major decisions.

Why am I waiting? Because I love him. Why do I pout about the wait? Because I’m impatient. Have been all my life. I’m very much an instant gratification type person. 

But you know what? I don’t give a damn about the proposal or the ring or even the wedding. I want the marriage. I want to share my life with someone again. To be able to do that..I have to wait. So after 3 plus years of dating, yes, I whine, I complain, I sometimes even nag a bit, but it’s because I’m impatient and childish sometimes. 

Post # 9
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@HeatherD16:  I don’t see it as mean because when I see girls freak out after 2-3 years with their SO I think “wow it hasn’t been that long enjoy the here and now”. However not all people see it that way. I have been with my SO going on 8 years in December and even though I would have said yes during any time frame in our relationship I haven’t had that “wedding itch” until a few months ago. I’m 24 so fairly young still so that also might be why I feel that way(plenty of time didn’t need to freak out then). Even now though I’m excited and can’t wait for it to happen but not letting “waiting” cause me to miss out on still enjoyign my relationship. I try to not read between the lines(bad habit) with everything he says and do. SO & I hate the “So when is the wedding?” quote that has been asked since we hit the 3 year mark and honestly i think we even dragged our feet a lilbecause we always knew that it would be in our time and terms.

 

*Side Note* Not saying it’s bad when your waiting or engaged after a few months or years just that it shouldn’t deter you from enjoying that moment in your relationship with your SO.

 

Post # 10
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

@HeatherD16:  Some girls might be in long distance relationships, others are perhaps more mature bees,  a few ladies could have known their So for a long time before getting together, some may be sick, some may have ailing members of family, some might have overcome personal trials in life or in their relationship and some may just *know*.

I really don’t think it’s fair to judge anyones desire to get married in a time frame you have decided isn’t really long enough to be “bugging out”. Also to imply that anyone is “trapping” their Oh’s I just find plain rude.

Post # 11
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Well to answer what I now understand you’re asking… It’s just human nature I think.  You get excited, you start to get ahead of yourself. I honestly think waiting is most difficult when you’ve participated in ring shopping.  You put a ring on your finger, you decide on it together, and then you walk out of the store not knowing when you’ll see it again.  You start wondering when he’ll do it, and how, and then if he does do it, when will you actually get married? etc.  At first, you are expecting it at any moment, but as many bees can attest, the ring doesn’t usually come that quickly.  For me, it took a few months after we picked the ring together.  It was a period of time where i KNEW we were getting engaged and I was so excited, but the not knowing drove me crazy lol. I just wanted to know: is it tomorrow, next week, next month, next year?

 

That all said, I still really enjoyed my “summer of waiting” and I still appreciated and loved him and never once got in a fight or a pushy ultimatum state with him.  I mostly worried about it to my closest girl friends and bees on here that could relate.

When the ring did come, he by no means had feelings that he was forced into this engagement and he didn’t wait five years to do it.  But, he’s so full of awesome sauce that he just did it because we, as a couple, were at that point.  Doesn’t change the fact that I was an anxious “Waiting bee”!!! 

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@HeatherD16:  Especially for the women approaching 30 (or in their 30s!) who want kids, there’s definitely a timing issue! If you start dating when you’re 28 and wait 3 years for a ring, that’s 31, plus a year for the engagement is 32, plus a year or two to enjoy being married… They’ll be starting on baby #1 at 35!

A lot of women are worried about TTC after 30!

Post # 13
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

For me I am ‘waiting’ because we have a ring, and I’m waiting for him to propose! I don’t get all nervy about it per se, but it does make me wonder when, and if he does arrange special days etc I do think ‘could this be it?’ – I think that it is perfectly natural to wonder that!

Also, if I got to 8 years with my SO and wasn’t engaged, I would have issues purely because I want to wait until I am married to have children, and I would be worrying whether he would ever ask as the biological clock would get ticking!

I don’t think length of time together, age etc. can be generalised to say that when you reach for example 3 years you should be ready for marriage, or you shouldn’t get married under 25. Relationships are so subjective that I think it is really tough to ask this sort of question to such a wide ranging group!

Personally I am ‘waiting’ – but I think it is fine for people to consider themselves ‘waiting’ or not, to get nervous or not, to feel excited about the prospect or not. It is completely an individual thing, and I think you might get a few interesting responses!

Oh, and completely agree about your ring comment – I find it entertaining when people seem to put the value of the ring above the marriage/engagement itself. I don’t care if I have 4 carats or no carats!

Post # 14
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee

@HeatherD16:  No offense- but if you’re any better, why are you on a primarily wedding forum when it doesn’t even sound like you & your SO have agreed that marriage is in your future?  Please try to remember that these women have feelings, and while it may make yourself feel better to turn your nose up at them and say you’re the “cool girlfriend” for not “pouting” or “bugging out”- remember that everyone has their own situation whether it be values, belief, age, health- to want to get married.  They are here looking for encouragement and sisterhood- not your shaming- thanks!

Post # 15
Member
2675 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

I think a lot can depend on age and maturity level. I was with FI for 14 months when we got engaged. He’s 35 and I am 29. Did I want to wait five years to get married when he’s 40 and I’m 34-35, not really…and I told him that upfront. So I never freaked out about waiting. We both knew that where we were in our lives we needed to know about a year into this thing if it was going to be forever.

Looking back to relationships I’ve had previously, if I had been in school or still a little younger  I think I would have waited longer. I was with my college bf for 3.5 years and at some point we talked about marriage and I think it would have been a serious discussion once we were both done with school which would have put us around 4-5 years together. We didn’t make it that long but I just felt like once we made it to a point in our lives where we were done with school, had jobs, and could live on our own after that many years together I would have been anxious if we weren’t really moving forward towards marriage.

 

Post # 16
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Everyone is not in the same situation you are in. Read through the waiting posts to get the back stories.

 

We know that there is a process that leads to marriage. I believe that most (if not all of us) want the marriage and not just a ring or wedding like what you are putting it to be. Some of us are waiting for a ring because that is usually the first official step towards the marriage… so come on!

 

Everyone doesn’t have to wait for 5 years before they can expect such a commitment. I’ve been waiting because my SO announced that he wants to marry me twice. More than likely, I’m waiting for a proposal to actually happen and would get antsy because it’s a big move for my family. Why should I force myself to not feel a thing because someone thinks i’m not with my SO for a certain amount of years?

 

Each relationship is different!

 

Maybe your post would have been more tactful if you didn’t suggest that some ladies here were trapping and forcing the poor guys. Maybe you should have asked “What makes you a waiting bee?” or something like that without the addition about you being such a good example of a girlfriend.

 

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