- 3 years ago
My SO have been together 6 and 1/2 years this may. living together for 6 years. when we first started dating, he said he did not see himself getting married to anyone without dating for like 5 years. so, i anticipated him taking his time to propose. he had some stuff happen in his childhood that makes him fearful of losing people and have a harder time talking about his emotions. however, i would say i have really been thinking about it “WAITING” for the past 2 years….I just feel heart broken…. we have a really, really good relationship. we are really happy day to day. we talk about the future. he tells me- you are the only girl i have ever been able to see myself marrying, i see myself having kids with you, i see myself growing old with, when he graduates (with his PhD in a few months) he wants us to move together and get a house together, he tells me he can’t picture his life without me, when i ask if he needs space to make sure i am the one (since it has taken so much time to commit) he tells me he cannot stand the idea of being without me and he does not want to spend any time with any other girl…. i tell him all of these things add up to what marriage/long term commitment is, so i don’t understand why he isn’t ready yet. he says he doesn’t know either, but he just isn’t ready to get married yet/engaged yet. he says he is getting closer, when i ask him to be more specific, he said he can’t- its just a feeling (like i said before, he does have a hard time expressing his emotions). i asked him for a timeline in between the 5-6 year mark, after i was devastated that it hadn’t happened yet…when i ask him for a timeline initially, he said he didn’t know. then when i asked if i would have to wait another year, he said that would be too long. i told him i thought 6 years was already too long of time to need. he then said he couldn’t see me having to wait past may of this year (ie 6 and 1/2 year mark).
as this time gets closer i am doing my best not to say anything and follow mr. bee’s plan. not only for my sanity and the betterment of my relationship (ie, so we won’t constantly be talking about). i am also trying to follow mr. bee’s plan, because if may rolls around and he isn’t ready to commit after all this time, after he is done in school, after we have lived together for 6 years, after we have raised a dog together for 6 years…i really think if this happens, i will need to move out and really assess whether i can stay with him. i have just hurt so much over this, especially over this past year. he really may just need to be done in school to feel ready, to feel like an adult, to feel like a MAN. this si what all of our friends and family think. they all tell me they can see how much he loves me and how happy he is with me and they really think he will be ready once he is done in school… i don’t know…i think it just really hurts to feel like we do have such a good relationship and we are such a close and happy and compatiable couple (he really do compliment each other perfectly, as far as our differences and similarities go) and yet he still isn’t ready…
i would really just like to hear from any other long term waiting girls out there and see how it turned out for them or how it is currently going for them. i am also just venting. thanks for listening (reading :))!~