Post # 1
Help. I am so stressed out about this subject. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. When we first started dating he mentioned to one of his friends that he didn’t want to get married. I was listening to the whole conversation, sitting in the same room. I didn’t say anything but inside I was just so disappointed. I knew right away, shortly after dating that I wanted to marry him. (Which for me was a big deal since I had been in LONG term relationship and didn’t even think about it after 5 years of dating someone else.) Unexpected things happened and we got pregnant and had our son. While we were pregnant one of his sister’s who had been dating her boyfriend for a month got engaged. Then at Christmas time I had a feeling that someone else in his family was going to get engaged. Out of the other 7 brothers and sisters (there are 9 kids in his family) his brother got engaged after 3 months of dating his girl friend – they had known each other since high school though. 4 months later – in April they got married. He was in his brother’s wedding and for the first time he had mentioned that "when we get married we are going to do this differently" I said, "I thought you didn’t want to get married." He said I do. Which of course got me all excited and planning secretly for our wedding, watching all the wedding shows and doing searches online. In the mean time yet another sister got engaged and her wedding is planned for September of this year. I was watching a cake show in bed the other night and he said, "why are we watching this show were not getting married anytime soon?" Inside I just wanted to cry. I never bring up wedding stuff with him. Any conversations are started by him. I don’t want him to feel like I am forcing him into something. I don’t even know how he would propose to me because a month ago he decided that he didn’t want rings because they are too expensive. I can understand this because the two sister’s that got engaged have HUGE diamonds. And he makes a lot less money then their fiancés. Anyhow, I don’t know how to be patient and wait. I wish he’d just ask me already. It drives me crazy that we have been dating the longest and the other siblings are getting engaged and married before us. Everyone keeps asking us when we are getting married and I just tell them that he doesn’t want to get married. I would even consider eloping at this point. I just want to be his wife.
Post # 3
I hear you. My FI and I met in high school and it took 10 years of being together before he popped the question.
You need to talk instead of posting here! Communication is key to a good marriage. Maybe he doesn’t realize how you feel about these manners. Sometimes guys need a little push.
Post # 4
I don’t mean to get your hopes up here, but are you sure he’s not just trying to throw you off the scent? Shortly before my FI proposed, he pulled some of that horse poop … lucky for me ever since he told me I wasn’t getting the digital camera I wanted for Xmas and got it, I always consider the possibility he wants to surprise me.
Now lets say he’s really not planning it any time soon … I think you are doing the right thing. Just keep watching those wedding shows without putting any verbal/direct pressure on him to get married. You can bring it up lighty if it really concerns you right now (sans ultimatums etc.) just so long as he gets the hint without feeling forced I think you’ll get what you want soon.
Post # 5
I think if it’s really bothering you and making you upset, you need to talk to him. I know you don’t want to pressure him, so I don’t advocate any sort of ultimatums or confrontations. But I would tell him, you’re really hurting and you want to know what he really wants. If you knew he needed like, 2 years but after that he’d be ready to get married, would that help? I know for me, at one point I just needed a general timeline and then I felt better.
It just sounds like you guys are on different pages, an open conversation on what you both want might help. You might need to compromise and find a middle ground, if you can.
Post # 6
I’m engaged, but my FI says stuff like that to me all the time. He’s so worried about the money and paying for a wedding, that he doesn’t want to even watch those shows with me. I agree with JeanL1984, talk about it, maybe he can at least give you a timeline.
Post # 7
I would also advocate talking to him about this, most importantly because you have a son together! I’m scratching my head as to why you wouldn’t have talked a long time ago about what your plans are for the future, and I think that you should definitely bring it up now.
Post # 8
<span style=”font-size: 7.5pt; font-family: Verdana”>Thank ya’ll so much. I feel much better. I am definitely going to bring it up to him. I was just worried that he would think that I was pushing him or giving him an ultimatum. I have always had a hard time talking about my feelings. That is something that I need to work on. As for talking about the future we have always made plans in terms of careers, work, children, housing and things like that just not marriage. I knew that we were going to stay together. His father and "step mother" aren’t married but have been together for 15 years. His dad says that he will never remarry. It was actually a conversation about them where he said that he didn’t want to get married. I knew that he wanted to stay with me but I wasn’t certain about how he felt about marriage.