- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
I have been with my SO for over 4 years now, been living together for over 3 years. I left him in March 2012 due to him continually flip flopping on our future and whether or not he wanted marriage, kids etc. He begged me back after we were seperated for about a week and promised me the world (engagement, marriage, kids AKA the dream). I even typed out exactly what I want from this relationship and he said enthusiatically “yes”.
We talked a lot at first about getting engaged, but at the time my younger sister was about to get married-so he thought it was prudent to wait for my family’s sake. Then my older brother who has been with his woman for less that 2 years (at the time) decided to get engaged. He felt it was best to wait then as well.
Back in sept. 2012 he announced in front of my mom, step dad, sisters and brothers that he planned to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. He told me he really wanted to do it over a game of golf. He reached out to my Dad to set this up, and when my Dad contacted him back to get things going-he blew my dad off completely.
Since then my Dad has mentioned to me a few times, that he is confused about what my SO’s intentions with me are. That he thought we got back together because all of these things were going to happen etc.
Recently, my Dad and my step mom sat me down and just unloaded on me. Saying that they feel extremely disrespected by the fact that he hasn’t asked yet-when he made it so public that he intended on doing so. My Dad doesn’t get why they have been alone together many times, and it doesn’t make sense that he hasn’t done it yet. They are worried about me etc.
This was very upsetting for me, I have been trying so hard to believe in spite of my doubts and stay positive in this waiting game. My family is very protective and they have seen him literally rip my heart out of my chest almost a year ago over this very issue.
I feel like I am not the only one “waiting” here. My family is sick and tired of waiting. My step dad is convinced that my SO will never marry me. No one seems to believe it will happen. This is very hard.
I have kept all of this from my SO because I don’t want him to feel pressured like I do. I want this to be a beautiful, amazing experience for both of us. I have been carrying this family burden for us, and yet no matter how happily and patiently I wait-it just hasn’t happened.
Superbowl sunday we celebrated my Grandpa’s birthday and I just happened to catch my SO outside talking intently with my Dad. I thought for sure it happened then. I talked to my Dad this week and he said that actually HE asked my SO what was going on with that and if maybe there was a chance SO would surprise me for V-day. SO simply replied “On NO, definatly not THAT soon”.
My Dad obviously wasn’t a fan of this response and is really concerned for me. I have tried to brush off everyone’s concerns and just say “oh, it will happen soon, dont worry”. God I feel like crying writing this. Needless to say this has been really hard on me.
Not to mention my Brother gets married in a few weeks. While I am SOO happy for him and his FI, I am stunned that my SO hasn’t moved forward on anything yet. I have been tactfully bringing up the topic every couple months, and he always says “soon”.
I’m trying hard to not let this outside negativity to affect us. Things have been going really well in our relationship. I truly do love him so much, I look forward to everyday I spend with him. I just feel confused and slightly embarrised that were not even enagaged yet.
I want to believe him, but honestly I still have pain in my heart from all that he has put me through before. I feel like its more than generous of me to wait until the end of March 2013 and if he doesn’t propose, sit down and have a serious conversation about this. In my mind, waiting a year after someone promised you they would propose is plently of time for them to at least start the process, and if he hasn’t even started the process by then, I don’t think he ever will.
I can’t talk to my family about any of my fears, because they already have their own and I don’t want to feed into that. I just need some advice.