(Closed) waiting and family complications..

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@kaylaann:  **Hugs** I’m really sorry that you have to go through all of this. And your family is definitely not helping the situation, but I think that they are just trying to look out for you. They have seen you hurt before by your SO, and they definitely don’t want it to happen again. I think the first thing you should do is sit down and have a long conversation with your SO. He needs to know how you feel and how you felt when he announced that in front of your entire family, then never followed through. You have every right to know where your relatinship is going. To me, it sounds like your SO is being immature and you deserve better than that. After you have the conversation, you should really look deep into your relationship and whether or not it is worth it to you to remain a part of it. A lot of that will have to do with what your SO says though. 

Post # 4
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@kaylaann:  sounds like he doesn’t have any intention of marrying you any time soon or ever. You probably were doing the right thing in march 2012 by breaking it off with him – if you do want to marry someone. If you don’t want to get married or are okay with having no timeline then tell your family and just live your lifes together.

Post # 6
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@kaylaann:  this is a stinky situation. I don’t really have advice but I hope for your sanity he gets it together!

Post # 9
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Wow, that is such a tough situation. 

This guy has kind of painted himself into a corner, hasn’t he? Now, not only his girlfriend, but her entire family AND his entire family are tapping their feet based on promises that HE freely made. I’ve never heard of a guy telling the dad, “I’ll ask for your daughter’s hand soon,” and then stalling ON THE DAD. That would make my dad so angry! My dad is already ticked that my SO of 2 years hasn’t proposed, but he would be seriously upset if he reneged on a timeline like this.

I wonder if your boyfriend said those things to try to work himself up, to push himself to propose, but then ultimately just doesn’t feel right about it. He keeps finding reasons to not marry you rather than reasons to marry you, and that’s always a bad sign. He may be stringing himself along, if that makes any sense. I mean, he might be thinking, “Oh, I’ll be ready in April,” and then finding he isn’t, and then thinking, “Oh, I bet I’ll be ready in June,” and then finding he isn’t, etc, but never stepping back and wondering if all these delays mean he isn’t really set to marry you after all. I think you need to have a serious chat with him, and I hope you get some clear, honest answers. 

Post # 10
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If he’s blowing your father off and dragging his feet over something he seemed to enthusiastically want, then that would be a big red flag for me.  It seems like it’s time to sit down and have a serious conversation about the fact that you came back to him because he was on the same page as you as far as marriage and all was concerned, and now, you don’t feel like that’s true.  I would also explain to him that your father feels disrespected and at this point, your parents are concerned about you.  So either he is utterly clueless about what he’s done here, or he doesn’t care, and you ought to know either way by the end of the conversation.  If he’s clueless and contrite, give him a chance to repair the damage.  If he actually follows through with talking to your dad and apologising for blowing him off, if he actually gets the ring and makes a timeline, everything’s probably okay and it was a misunderstanding.  If he’s cavalier about it, then this is a man who is never going to understand the relationship you have with your family and the kind of relationship you need your husband to have with them, too, and I would hand over my walking papers then and there.  If your values about family don’t match, it’s not a good sign for any relationship.  My SO doesn’t always understand how reliant I am on my parents’ approval and good graces, but he respects it and goes out of his way to make sure that he’s doing right by them — and by me by extension.  

Your SO needs to man up, so to speak, make good on his word, and honour your values.  If he doesn’t, he’s not the man you ought to marry.

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