Waiting and Jealousy

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

jillbean1217:  I’m not currently waiting, but I was in your shoes very recently, so I hope I’m allowed to chime in.  It’s so awesome when you find the person you want to be with and I felt like waiting was so dumb considering we’d been discussing marriage for the entirety of our two year relationship.  The pre-engagement anxiety isn’t taken too seriously by people on the other side of the fence and I got so sick of hearing “enjoy this stage because once he proposes you can’t get the feeling of anticipation back.”  Sound advice, but it doesn’t really ease the impatience.

Just know that this period of time seems to drag on, but it won’t last forever.  And the support you gave your friend will be worth it once it’s your turn and people are focusing on your wedding.  

Post # 3
Member
8418 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

jillbean1217:  I can’t really relate (was never “waiting”), but I think it’s normal to feel a little jealous when something you want is right in your face.  I think helping her plan will give you lots of good experience that you can take with you when it’s time to plan your wedding.  Even though you haven’t been with your BF for a super long time, hopefully your proposal is right around the corner.  Best of luck!

Post # 5
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

jillbean1217:  i was just as anxious and excited as you while waiting so I can relate.

Heres my advice: focus on gratitude. Seriously- not just in passing or in theory but WORK AT IT. Try to shift your mood to omg life is great. I am with my future husband and my bff is too. Life is awesome.

Beat  the me me me now now now voice DOWN. It’s gotta go. It will make you anxious and bratty and unhappy. You know that her getting married has zero percent to do with you- so give yourself a slap on the hand every time your brain slides into shitty jealous habits of thought. 

There is more than enough love, joy, celebration, happiness and marriage to go around and her wedding is not in lieu of yours. Its just a blip before. So (silently) learn what to/not to do re your own wedding by being involved in her wedding and SUPPORT AND CHERISH HER LIKE YOU WILL WANT TO BE SUPPORTED AND CHERISHED. 

Seriously, add a hair tie to your wrist and snap yourself everytime you are shlumping in your negativity and feel some gratitude, you lucky girl, you. Sit down and make a long list of all you have to be grateful for- keep it somewhere you can easily refer to it. 

Post # 6
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

jillbean1217:  HA! Hearing you describe your SO is eerie.  My now FI used to say to me on a mostly daily basis “I really want to marry you.”  It was sweet, but it made me want to shake him and yell “THEN PROPOSE!”

Post # 8
Member
1499 posts
Bumble bee

I was in the exact same boat. After 6 years with my SO (and two dogs, and buying a house together) when our friends got engaged after being together just around 2 years, I was green with envy. of course I was/am super excited for them, but it still really stung. When FI did propose, though, it was perfect, the ring was perfect, and I am really happy that we have our whole life set up and now we can just enjoy wedding planning and looking forward to our travel plans after it!

I know it sucks to hear “just wait it will be worth  it, I swear!” but it really is the truth!

Post # 9
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

CeeceeBee:  

jillbean1217:  

My SO is the same way. He keeps talking about how he’s going to propose and he wants to marry me. I gently (or sometimes snarkily) remind him that he still has to ask me.

*sigh*

Post # 10
Member
4758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m waiting and I *think* I’m still the moh for my friend lol (long story)… I’ve been with my SO longer than her. And were more mature/ready to get married than they are, but it still hasn’t happened. I always knew she would get married before me (I can’t get married til I’m 23 anyways, less than a year) and I know my time is coming (put the deposit down yesterday so hopefully less than 6 weeks) so I was never really jealous of her. However, unlike your friend, she is an awful bride and not relaxed about anything. Our relationship has gotten so rough that I don’t even talk about my upcoming engagement with her because she thinks it can only be about her right now and she’s the only one allowed to think of a wedding. When they got engaged my boyfriend told me countless times “I’m sorry we weren’t first” or “If we weren’t still in school and doing things we want to accomplish first, then we would’ve already been married”…I do however get jealous when it’s other people that have only been together a couple months, or have been through 63827283 different guys in the 5 years that I have been with my boyfriend! 

 

Post # 11
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

jillbean1217: I agree with PPs! Just enjoy the moment of supporting your friend and know that it’ll come back for you later. And attending a wedding before you’re planning is definitely a good way to get ideas or pick what you wouldn’t want to do. 

I’m also a fellow waiting bee and am anticipating a proposal in the next 4-5 months. Somedays I can barely take the excitement! But the thing that has worked best for me is to just focus on how happy I am with my SO. There are a ton of waiting bees here to talk to through your waiting days and a ton of articles to read to start getting ideas on the days when you can’t wait! 😀

Post # 13
Member
700 posts
Busy bee

jillbean1217:  I’m not sure if this was already mentioned by others, so I apologize if it has. I very much understand being in your shoes. I could not wait, and would be envious of everyone else who was getting engaged/married.

Now that I am married, I find myself being jealous of those who aren’t YET engaged or married. I wish I could go back in time and enjoy those moments again. I am jealous that they still have all the fun to look foward to! Silly–I know, but those were the best moments of my life :).

Stay in the present, and enjoy the thrill of having the excitement of everything you have to look forward to! Soon, it will all be behind you, and there will be other moments in life you will be looking forward to.

Post # 14
Member
4758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

jillbean1217:  Thank god we decided a year about we are eloping and having a “weddingmoon” because if not her wedding sure would make me reconsider lol 

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