Post # 1
Good morning everyone! I’m new to posting, but I’ve been lurking for awhile. I’m currently coming up on our one year anniversary (July 9th), and I know that he’s the one. Corny, I know, but true. We’ve spent every day together since we met (with the exception of one), and every night together since our first sleep over. We moved in together after two months, which sounds CRAZY when I type it out. I’ve never really been a person to move fast in relationships. I’ll be 30 in December, and besides BF, I’ve never co-habitated with anyone. This has been, hands down, the best year of my life. Have we gotten into our fights? DUH. But we’ve also supported each other through unemployment, near homelessness, and family deaths. This is the most solid relationship I’ve ever been in. He gets me, and I get him. Do I want to punch him right in his face sometimes? Sure do. I think he’d say the same, but who doesn’t feel like that every once in awhile?
We’ve been talking about getting married for about six months now. We’ve looked at rings, decided on a price range, and set up a savings account for the ring itself. I’m anti-diamond, so I think it’s only going to end up costing around $1000…which is perfect. More money for the wedding and a down payment on a house!
My best friend is getting married this weekend. Her and her guy have only been together since September, but unlike BF and I, they’ve known each other for 8+ years. I’m so excited to be standing next to her on her wedding day, but man, I AM SO JEALOUS. I want to plan MY wedding, and I want a ring on MY finger, and I know I need to take myself out of the moment and be there for her. I will be, I’m sure I won’t even be thinking about it on her day, but doing all of these things with her is making me so anxious. I haven’t said a word to her about those feelings, but I thought I’d create an account to find some other girls in waiting who might be able to commiserate.
Post # 2
jillbean1217: I’m not currently waiting, but I was in your shoes very recently, so I hope I’m allowed to chime in. It’s so awesome when you find the person you want to be with and I felt like waiting was so dumb considering we’d been discussing marriage for the entirety of our two year relationship. The pre-engagement anxiety isn’t taken too seriously by people on the other side of the fence and I got so sick of hearing “enjoy this stage because once he proposes you can’t get the feeling of anticipation back.” Sound advice, but it doesn’t really ease the impatience.
Just know that this period of time seems to drag on, but it won’t last forever. And the support you gave your friend will be worth it once it’s your turn and people are focusing on your wedding.
Post # 3
jillbean1217: I can’t really relate (was never “waiting”), but I think it’s normal to feel a little jealous when something you want is right in your face. I think helping her plan will give you lots of good experience that you can take with you when it’s time to plan your wedding. Even though you haven’t been with your BF for a super long time, hopefully your proposal is right around the corner. Best of luck!
Post # 4
Thanks for your replies! I don’t mind if you’re currently waiting, were never waiting, or are a lucky duck on the other side of the fence. I just want other people to talk about it with so I don’t bring it to the BFF during her special time.
I’m definitely focused on her, and one thing that’s made it easier is that she has been such a relaxed bride. Kind of to the point of driving us all crazy. She planned a wedding that was supposed to happen two years ago, but broke up with her ex-FI when she found out he was cheating, a month before the wedding. I think she’s much more laid back about this one. It’s 50s themed and at the fairgrounds, so I also know we won’t be sharing similarities.
My BF also keeps saying things like “I want to propose. Like, soon.” and it makes me want to hit him because STOP TALKING ABOUT IT AND DO IT.
The only two people I’ve even talked about the pre-engagement stuff to is my BFF and a girl I work with. I don’t want everyone thinking that I’m losing my mind, even though I totally am.
I think he would have proposed sooner, but after I found out BFF was getting married this summer, I told him I wanted to wait until after BFF’s wedding so that everyone was focused on her. Kinnnnd of regretting that now. But it should get me good friend karma, at any rate.
Post # 5
jillbean1217: i was just as anxious and excited as you while waiting so I can relate.
Heres my advice: focus on gratitude. Seriously- not just in passing or in theory but WORK AT IT. Try to shift your mood to omg life is great. I am with my future husband and my bff is too. Life is awesome.
Beat the me me me now now now voice DOWN. It’s gotta go. It will make you anxious and bratty and unhappy. You know that her getting married has zero percent to do with you- so give yourself a slap on the hand every time your brain slides into shitty jealous habits of thought.
There is more than enough love, joy, celebration, happiness and marriage to go around and her wedding is not in lieu of yours. Its just a blip before. So (silently) learn what to/not to do re your own wedding by being involved in her wedding and SUPPORT AND CHERISH HER LIKE YOU WILL WANT TO BE SUPPORTED AND CHERISHED.
Seriously, add a hair tie to your wrist and snap yourself everytime you are shlumping in your negativity and feel some gratitude, you lucky girl, you. Sit down and make a long list of all you have to be grateful for- keep it somewhere you can easily refer to it.
Post # 6
jillbean1217: HA! Hearing you describe your SO is eerie. My now FI used to say to me on a mostly daily basis “I really want to marry you.” It was sweet, but it made me want to shake him and yell “THEN PROPOSE!”
Post # 7
MrsBuesleBee: I definitely don’t want to sound like I’m being negative. I’m just impatient, but definitely super happy for her. It’s not an issue where we’re planning and I think “I am so jealous, I wish it was my turn to…” it’s more that I’m bouncing around our house going “I can’t wait until it’s our turn to plan!” ha. But you’re right, I need to live in the moment a bit more.
The rubber band thing made me laugh, that’s how I got over my last boyfriend.
Post # 8
I was in the exact same boat. After 6 years with my SO (and two dogs, and buying a house together) when our friends got engaged after being together just around 2 years, I was green with envy. of course I was/am super excited for them, but it still really stung. When FI did propose, though, it was perfect, the ring was perfect, and I am really happy that we have our whole life set up and now we can just enjoy wedding planning and looking forward to our travel plans after it!
I know it sucks to hear “just wait it will be worth it, I swear!” but it really is the truth!
Post # 9
My SO is the same way. He keeps talking about how he’s going to propose and he wants to marry me. I gently (or sometimes snarkily) remind him that he still has to ask me.
Post # 10
I’m waiting and I *think* I’m still the moh for my friend lol (long story)… I’ve been with my SO longer than her. And were more mature/ready to get married than they are, but it still hasn’t happened. I always knew she would get married before me (I can’t get married til I’m 23 anyways, less than a year) and I know my time is coming (put the deposit down yesterday so hopefully less than 6 weeks) so I was never really jealous of her. However, unlike your friend, she is an awful bride and not relaxed about anything. Our relationship has gotten so rough that I don’t even talk about my upcoming engagement with her because she thinks it can only be about her right now and she’s the only one allowed to think of a wedding. When they got engaged my boyfriend told me countless times “I’m sorry we weren’t first” or “If we weren’t still in school and doing things we want to accomplish first, then we would’ve already been married”…I do however get jealous when it’s other people that have only been together a couple months, or have been through 63827283 different guys in the 5 years that I have been with my boyfriend!
Post # 11
jillbean1217: I agree with PPs! Just enjoy the moment of supporting your friend and know that it’ll come back for you later. And attending a wedding before you’re planning is definitely a good way to get ideas or pick what you wouldn’t want to do.
I’m also a fellow waiting bee and am anticipating a proposal in the next 4-5 months. Somedays I can barely take the excitement! But the thing that has worked best for me is to just focus on how happy I am with my SO. There are a ton of waiting bees here to talk to through your waiting days and a ton of articles to read to start getting ideas on the days when you can’t wait! 😀
Post # 12
MissLibra: I would probably be pulling out my hair if I’d been waiting six years. We do have the apartment and the dog though. I’m not stung that she got engaged first, more of “Berenstein Bears Get The Gimmies” haha
peaceoutshannon: Thanks for the advice! I already know I wouldn’t plan my wedding like she is. But then again, I plan vacations with spreadsheets and she is just kind of…going with it. I’d be a hot mess, but it’s working for her! Anytime the excitement gets overwhelming, come talk to me, I’m sure I’ll be on the same level!
ksn1219: Man, sorry to hear about your friend being such a beast! That almost makes it better for your BF though. He’ll appreciate you so much more when he sees how you act vs. your friend.
Sometimes when we talk about wedding planning, my BF gets defensive and is like, “Well no one even knows we’re getting married yet” and I’m like THAT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T ASKED AND I DON’T HAVE A RING.
I know my obsession with a physical token is trivial. I don’t care. I don’t want some 4k ring, so he can just suck it up and put SOMETHING on my finger when he asks. He’s straight up told me he would ask me right now if I wasn’t so adamant about the ring. So I guess I put myself into the situation in more ways than one!
Somehow, reflecting on that doesn’t serve to make me any less patient, lol.
Post # 13
jillbean1217: I’m not sure if this was already mentioned by others, so I apologize if it has. I very much understand being in your shoes. I could not wait, and would be envious of everyone else who was getting engaged/married.
Now that I am married, I find myself being jealous of those who aren’t YET engaged or married. I wish I could go back in time and enjoy those moments again. I am jealous that they still have all the fun to look foward to! Silly–I know, but those were the best moments of my life :).
Stay in the present, and enjoy the thrill of having the excitement of everything you have to look forward to! Soon, it will all be behind you, and there will be other moments in life you will be looking forward to.
Post # 14
jillbean1217: Thank god we decided a year about we are eloping and having a “weddingmoon” because if not her wedding sure would make me reconsider lol
Post # 15
jillbean1217: I definitely will take you up on that!