Waiting and not nagging

posted 2 weeks ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

QueenBee32 :  I started “nagging” at about a year into getting back together (we dated in college), but he never got defensive or evasive about it.  He would just say “I have nothing to worry about.”  He saved for about a year and then proposed.  Some guys just have a budget or timeline in mind that is worth the wait!  But watch out for red flags, like promises to propose by a particular date and it failing to happen on multiple occasions. 

Post # 3
Member
4238 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

Well, timelines may be “out of the question” for him, but they wouldn’t be for me. I wouldn’t wait forever, and if he refused to discuss it that would be a red flag to me. It is MY life, too, and I either need to know what the plan is, or I need to follow the best plan for me if I cannot be sure he will follow through. So I would at least have an internal walk date. Marriage is important to me, and I wouldn’t stay with someone who did not feel the same, but YMMV.

Post # 5
Member
20 posts
Newbee

QueenBee32 :  My timeline is also around Jan-feb. So for right now just try and focus on other things. I’m learning to just focus on other things that needs to be done. I agree with the pp’s if your trying to communicate with him and he gets upset that’s definitely a red flag. My SO and i talked one time and got into it but a few days later he apologized. He told me i have every right to feel that way. So just hang in there i know it sucks waiting and not knowing when it will happen.  Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
5495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Lola's Trailer Park

There is nothing wrong with a timeline and a man who is serious about you wouldn’t have a problem having a heart to heart on a serious timeline. Why can’t he give you a timeline? Thats ridiculous. He knows if he’s planning to propose this year or next year or in ten years, if he tells you its out of the question for him to give a real timeline then likely he has no plans to propose and just wants you to stop bringing it up so he’s trying to shut you up.

When I see men refuse to talk with their spouse about the plans for BOTH of their futures I automatically assume its because he has no plan, knows he has no plan and is hoping you won’t figure out he has no intention of making a plan.

Post # 7
Member
437 posts
Helper bee

Have a discussion and create a timeline you can both agree on. If he is ready or wants to marry you he should see it as planning for the future, not nagging. 

Post # 8
Member
11 posts
Newbee

I wonder if it is true about it happening when you don’t nag…I feel like it’s really dependent on the person.  Some people who might not be really invested in it won’t think about it if you don’t bring it up…but then will be annoyed when you do, so it could feel like a trap.  I also think having a timeline will really help the situation.  I know how you feel though…I have a sort-of timeline (when he gets a full-time job) but then again I don’t know exactly when that will be given the awful job market and i’m getting anxious and insecure.  There’s nothing wrong with wanting a clear answer to where your relationship is going.

Post # 9
Member
29 posts
Newbee

Come up with a timeline, you should be able to talk openly about your future together with the person you love. 

Post # 10
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I’d say keep the timeline to yourself or it does seem like nagging. However, id express your feelings about what you want and look forward to and if you want to have kids too- discuss that. Some guys don’t get that women can’t always wait for children. If you have a decent conversation like that, I’d let it be for now & focus on enjoying your relationship. I know it’s hard but it’d be worse to rush someone – sometimes guys have to save for a ring too =)

Post # 11
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Mine does.

I keep nagging to the point where we almost broke up because he still didnt ready and say dont know when he’ll be ready. I tell him it is better to not marry then losing him, then telling me he’s ready a weeks after I stopped nagging, and proposing 6 months after that (my ring is custom). 

I know majority in this forum is to stick for yourself, and there is no wrong to discuss a timeline. But men just don’t like to be pushed constantly. I said listen to your gut more if he’s the one for you, and keep an internal timeline, but be happy and enjoy!!

Good luck bee!!

Post # 12
Member
7 posts
Newbee

In my case, I was upfront with my SO. When we began dating, I told him that after the 1 year mark he has up to 2 years to propose. We’re 100% on the same page and now it’s just a matter of him popping the question. I was honest and straight forward and he appreciated that. Maybe approach him and offer a deadline to figure things out? Time flies, and you definitely don’t want it to go to waste on someone that’s not 100% sure about you.

Post # 14
Member
381 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, “you’re nagging” is usually code for ‘I don’t want to talk about it and I’d love to make you feel guilty for even bringing it up’. 

When I first brought up being married to my fiance, he laughed and said “isn’t that supposed to be my decision?” to which I said “if you’re planning to marry me, it sure as hell isn’t”. And really it was pretty open after that in terms of what page we were on. 

Honestly, nag. Be a pain. If he wants the same things it won’t bother him, if he’s into some macho power play or trying to get you to shut up, it will bother him. Either way, you’ll have your answer. 

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