(Closed) Waiting and *trying* to be patient

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like you are already a wife to him in all respects except officially being married – you live together, you are close to his family, etc. Not much would change after the wedding, right? I think he doesn’t really have any incentive to go ahead with proposing and planning a wedding since it wouldn’t make a big difference in your lives. The official label of “wife” may be really important to you, but doesn’t sound like it’s as important to him. Especially because he’s been married before and knows that making it legal doesn’t necessarily mean eternal happiness.

All that said, if it is very important to you to be officially married, I think you should make that clear to him. Acknowledge that he may not consider it important, but you do, and that this is something he needs to do to make you happy. Then talk specifics – i.e. when would you be married, approximately how long the engagement would be, etc. I think if you don’t push him on this, you may have to wait for a while longer 😉 

Post # 4
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

COMMUNICATION. it’s not a topic you two haven’t come across before, i suggest you have an honest talk about what you want and what you’ve already done (as in planning).

you guys are pretty much married (minus the title/official papers)… if he has any qualms about it, you should know… and he should def know what it means to you to be married to him.

it doesn’t sound like he’s gona propose anytime soon if you let him live his own timeline.

Post # 5
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

Oh, Violette. I feel your pain. I am 49 and wonder why bf doesn’t take the leap and become fh! We are inseparable and he is great…but he won’t talk engagement until we finish writing the prenup (so I spent the weekend on that!). I’ve met all his relatives and friends and we’ve seen a couple of rough times together (death of my best friend, my daughter suddenly moving to Canada, my recent heart scare). I told him last night that I think it must be uncomfortable sitting on the fence where he is, and even MORE uncomfortable sleeping on the fence. This morning I asked him how he slept on that fence and he said, like crap. Ha!

Don’t know what else to say except that I also have been a planamaniac for “our wedding” and could throw a wedding in three days if I needed to, I’m so ready! We will find out in time…I just want to hurry up and BE engaged and HAVE a date to tell our loved ones!!!!

Post # 6
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I don’t have much to add other than to say welcome and you’re in good company. (It is nice to see another “less-young” waiting bee)

I agree that it sounds like a heart to heart is in order. He may not realize how important this is to you.

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

simply he may be too comfortable.y by  the cow when u can get the milk for free(not meant to be rude) maybe he needs a lil shaking up.am also waiting 2 yrs now on a ring already bought.aM IN MY LATE 20’s

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